Stop trying? (You don't have to try to be yourself)

[John Paul]

I'm thinking that if I am pushing myself to be one way, what I'm actually doing is avoiding being the opposite of that way. And that is getting in the way of the way I want to be.

Let's say I want to be humble. So how would you try to do this? I'd avoid being arrogant. But if you avoid being arrogant, now you are not being authentic or honest...and so you are not truly humble

Let's say I want to be strong. So how would I try to do this? I'd avoid being weak. But if I avoid being weak then I become insecure about weakness...creating a weakness.

Let's say I want to be masculine. So i avoid being girly. But if I avoid being girly that is going to get in the way of my humor, my ability to charm my business partners...

so my question is, do i just give up? My realest concern is that i will end up being a very harsh and disrespectful person (as well as an amazing person) once i start being myself with a full range of emotion. I have wells of emotions, pain, anger, lust that I don't want to show... but If i am afraid to express these then i cannot express my full joy. Am I on to something or do i need correcting? i can share a personal detail if it's required for a better answer, thank you 

[LastThursday]

14 minutes ago, John Paul said:

once i start being myself with a full range of emotion

This is the most important thing to focus on.

It's not about pushing yourself to be one way or another, but about expanding yourself so that you can choose to be one way or another whenever it suits you. Really it should be about removing your own limits and barriers, and experiencing the full range of what you're capable of.

17 minutes ago, John Paul said:

My realest concern is that i will end up being a very harsh and disrespectful

The way to stop this from happening is to have integrity. Always have in mind why you're choosing to be one way or another, work from your highest ideals and what feels right to you.

[Waves]

2 hours ago, John Paul said:

i will end up being a very harsh and disrespectful person once i start being myself with a full range of emotion

When did you start believing this in your life? Can you pinpoint an event (or multiple ones) in your childhood that made you come up with the belief that it's not okay to express certain emotions?

This is something I'm trying to become aware within myself, I'm working on it, and just throwing out pointers I'm wrestling with at the moment. Please just take these as suggestions to contemplate for yourself.

What I'm intuiting is that you're operating from a core belief of inadequacy/insecurity/scarcity. You're negatively motivated instead of being positively motivated (see Leo's video about that). You are reacting to the past instead of creating the future that you want. Focusing on lack instead of abundance.

There is a process of letting go involved here. Letting go of limiting beliefs, of fear and all these other emotions that you're holding in and not letting them flow within. Try sitting down, feeling into tensions in your body, and just observe how these feelings move and change if you give them space, without wanting them to be different.

You may also benefit from looking into shadow work, basically integrating versions of yourself that have been suppressed, that have been labeled as unacceptable, and that are screaming for attention and love.