should i pursue spirituality or relationships

[Chamalio]

hi this is my first post

so im 21 have been into spiritual development and daily meditation for 4 years, during this time i wasn't interested in women and wanted to focus on self actualization and my life purpose and felt that i didn't have enough time for dating. though on halloween of 2021 i approached a group of women for fun, no intention of gaming. One of them asked for my number i went on a date with her, she didn't want a second. but since then dating has peaked my interest and i've racked up 80 approaches in the past 3 months, got numbers off a few but essentially got rejected by all of them. I am now at the point where im wondering whats wrong with me and if i approached from now on that i would just reek of desperation and not enjoy the process. I know leo said in his series that this desire will be a thorn in your side and will inhibit you from doing spiritual work and it has since i have started caring about this part of my life. I don't want to go to clubs anymore as i usually end up taking drugs when i do though i am willing to use dating apps and approach when im going about my day, at the gym for example. I feel that it will be many months before i have success in this area of my life and am wondering whether i should begrudgingly double down on approaching or get to the point in my spiritual practice where i dont need intimacy with others. what are your thoughts? and at what point along the spiritual path can one truly be happy without ever getting acceptance or intimacy from others?

[Roy]

I would suggest that you actually have time for both, and that you should find a balance that works for you. If you frame things as pursuing one thing OR another you subconsciously put pressure on yourself to get results, which takes away from enjoying the process.

[Preety_India]

This is very complicated. You can't mix both. Both have different aspects and goals. 

You can have a spiritual partner so they can contribute you on your journey and you can find common ground that way. 

 

[Waves]

You're 21, enjoy fooling around with girls, and bring as much consciousness as you can into the process to not only learn about the feminine, sexuality, sensuality, socialization, seduction etc., but most importantly to learn about who you are. Meditation on the side, or whatever spiritual practice you decide to engage with, will synergize with this process, and vice versa: relationships can be a source of enormous growth, including emotional and spiritual. They will show you where your shadows are, how you're limiting yourself, how you go about fulfilling your emotional needs, and much more.

Whatever you decide to do, engage with it fully, face your fears and limitations and enjoy the ride   

[Nahm]

On 2/14/2022 at 2:57 AM, Chamalio said:

hi this is my first post

so im 21 have been into spiritual development and daily meditation for 4 years, during this time i wasn't interested in women and wanted to focus on self actualization and my life purpose and felt that i didn't have enough time for dating. though on halloween of 2021 i approached a group of women for fun, no intention of gaming. One of them asked for my number i went on a date with her, she didn't want a second. but since then dating has peaked my interest and i've racked up 80 approaches in the past 3 months, got numbers off a few but essentially got rejected by all of them. I am now at the point where im wondering whats wrong with me and if i approached from now on that i would just reek of desperation and not enjoy the process.

Welcome to Crazytown. 

Nothing is wrong with you. Females, like yourself, don’t care to be thought of as & treated like, objects. The ‘approach’, ‘gaming’, ‘racking up numbers’… reeks of desperation. Not you. The thinking. The objectifying. The reducing to transactional thinking. That thinking is discordant. 

With that thinking, you objectify yourself, as if you are an object, which could be, rejected.  You have never been, nor could ever be, rejected… but thinking (objectifying & justifying and rationalizing it) can make it seem so. 

You are already not enjoying that thinking. Try new thinking. 

Quote

I know leo said in his series that this desire will be a thorn in your side and will inhibit you from doing spiritual work and it has since i have started caring about this part of my life. I don't want to go to clubs anymore as i usually end up taking drugs when i do though i am willing to use dating apps and approach when im going about my day, at the gym for example. I feel that it will be many months before i have success in this area of my life and am wondering whether i should begrudgingly double down on approaching or get to the point in my spiritual practice where i dont need intimacy with others. what are your thoughts? and at what point along the spiritual path can one truly be happy without ever getting acceptance or intimacy from others?

You are already happiness. The thoughts focused upon, the way you’ve learned to think about females & relationships, is discordant. Acknowledge and honor feeling, in that the thinking does not feel good - to you. Don’t ‘begrudgingly double down’ on discord. Allow that to be obvious. Put how you feel ahead of, more worthwhile than, what you’re thinkin. 

This thinking is discordant. And then you miss that you are rationalizing it. That looks like - will I be truly happy - in the future - at some point along the path. 

As if you’re not supposed to happy, right now???

 

You’re already happiness. 

Which is veiled only by, the thinking. 

Which to you - feels discordant. 

Because it is objectifying yourself, and females. 

You don’t have to think this way. You have a source, and you can consciously choose to think, and to focus upon thoughts, which feel great, because they are in alignment with source - the happiness that you are. 

If what’s said here doesn’t resonate at all, no worries. Just move on. ?? If it does, you might find this insightful…

As well as the rest of the videos. Because it’s all about alignment, and not ‘begrudgingly double down’. 

?

While distinctions can be made and can be helpful… spirituality & relationships are one in the same. When you attend to communion… you attract one in kind, similar… and that relationship… two together in communion…. well, it’s So Good it’s crazy. Nothing is better. 

Pursuit is outward oriented. Feeling is not ‘there’, or ‘in a future’. 

If you’re thirsty, you go to the faucet. 

If feeling (good feeling) is wanted, you go to the source of feeling. 

Notice, feeling is not ‘coming from somewhere else’. Thus, you will never ‘find it’, or ‘get there… where it is’. 

Discord & alignment is inward oriented. 

Look at what already is. Inspect what you’re already, and have been feeling, all along. 

[SgtPepper]

I honestly don't think one path is better than the other. There are spiritual masters who remained single and who got married. 

Relationships can improve your spiritual path because it can make you into a better person, practice forgiveness, giving, self-conscious, practice sacrifice, and grow your own relationship with yourself because you will learn about yourself by learning and being with the Other. 

Choose the path that suites your preference more. I feel that marriage allows me to have my physical and emotional need met, while being able to pursue my path. It is also wonderful to be able to share the experiences of that path with someone. I experience more love and fulfillment through this channel.

I say try to find a life partner, if you want one, and when you do, you'll be able to focus on your path, whilst practicing love. If you are able to be abstinent, then focus on the path, and perhaps devote your time to meeting the needs of the Others in life, as if they are your own, and you will feel love through that channel.

 

[hamedsf]

where's the fault if you happen to decide to be a fucker buddha? 

[flowboy]

On 14/02/2022 at 8:57 AM, Chamalio said:

and at what point along the spiritual path can one truly be happy without ever getting acceptance or intimacy from others?

Once you heal the root cause of your need for acceptance, to be exact.

Self-acceptance is what you need in order to feel okay not getting acceptance from others.

We are born with it, then shit happens.

That shit is usually either parents passing their issues onto you, or it can be bad experiences in school, or it can be actual traumatic events.

It's not the adult layer of the self that needs the most acceptance, it's the different inner children inside your psyche.

And they're still not over it.

Once you go and heal those parts, you'll be alright.

 

But you'll still be horny.

The desire for a sexual companion is natural, so even though you can get to the point where you are super okay and happy without one, you'll still desire it.

On 14/02/2022 at 8:57 AM, Chamalio said:

i've racked up 80 approaches in the past 3 months

Great! You have a bias towards action. A great predictor of success.

On 14/02/2022 at 8:57 AM, Chamalio said:

I am now at the point where im wondering whats wrong with me

Well, you could just keep going and you'd probably get laid.

You could also take a moment and introspect: do I have what women are looking for?

For example:

• Do you have an interesting and passionate life that you love, that she'd want to be a part of
• Do you feel fulfilled and purposeful in your work
• Are you socially connected, good quality friends
• Do you love yourself and have self-esteem
• Are you emotionally intelligent and able to feel into her

These are some examples of things that women find attractive, that you could work on.

If you have all those things, you don't need to approach so much anymore.

If you have those things and can communicate them, then 30% of people you actually talk to, will want to see you again. And if they want to see you again and are also single females, then most of your dates will go well.

It's an easier life.

Edited February 16, 2022 by flowboy

[Spence94]

@flowboy Thanks for this thorough post.

[Random witch]

I don't think that they completely disconnected. both affect eachother. Since I've started to be interested in spirituality it was difficult to me to feel fulfilment with people who aren't conscious as me. We all spiritual beings but not everyone interested in exploring that nor at the same level of consciousness and it's OK. 

My advice is just to be aware and honest with yourself. Do you feel that you're pretty awake but you simply want relationship/sex? Look for the people who are at the stage of yours unless you're ok with ignoring your spiritual side and focusing only on dating and relationships that lead possibly to the result of sleeping with less conscious people. (There is nothing bad about it except for the fact that people who are very unconscious compared to you might be a serious pain in ass-but also one of the best teachers).

Do you feel that you're ok with postponing spirituality to future? Then go for the earthy pleasures of life and keep doing what you can to be good at it until you exhaust it.

 

 

 

 

Edited February 28, 2022 by Random witch

[Spence94]

@Random witch Yes,dating and sleeping with unconscious people is a pain in the ass.