What to say or to do if a girl asks financial favors

[mandyjw]

22 minutes ago, Average Investor said:

I am surprised no one else mentioned this. It would have been a smooth move. However, I am sure this sub forum would have been more in favor of asking her to come to his place to warm up. 

Guys love to see girls in their clothes, girls love wearing them especially if/when they smell like him, then maybe there's an excuse to see you again to return it... All kinds of opportunities for intimacy and romance there. 

Jesus did say if a man sues you for the coat off your back offer him your cloak too, but I guess if it's a woman we're trying to sleep with we must suspect the worst? ?‍♂️

[K Ghoul]

@mandyjw How do you explain her blocking him? 

[mandyjw]

@K Ghoul I wasn't there, I don't know. We frame and understand situations by what we expect, and life reflects it back to us, and this member has shared this same experience and expectation about women in the past. Whether she was looking to get something from him or not, he will continue to get/interpret the same behavior from women unless he sees why he is so resistant and protective of it. 

Seriously, why not be like Jesus, just say fuck it. Buy her a coat. Get taken advantage of and be happy about it. Give the drunk homeless guys $20 for booze. Why not? You lose more life in your concern of getting ripped off or taken advantage of than you ever will have actually taken from you. Might as well just give and live fully. 

 

[K Ghoul]

1 minute ago, mandyjw said:

 

Seriously, why not be like Jesus, just say fuck it. Buy her a coat. Get taken advantage of and be happy about it. Give the drunk homeless guys $20 for booze. Why not? You lose more life in your concern of getting ripped off or taken advantage of than you ever will have actually taken from you. Might as well just give and live fully. 

 

Because that’s how you get used and exploited  

giving $20 to a drunk homeless guy whom you will never see again is not a good example. Why don’t you give everyone a free blow job too then if you’re so kind?

 

 

[K Ghoul]

@mandyjw The dangers of this lies not in the act of spending $20 on a goddamn coat seriously, obviously it’s not about the money, it’s about potentially getting sucked into an unhealthy dynamic. You would be surprised at the level and skill of manipulation that can be done to someone who has developed genuine feelings/attraction for you. Today it’s a coat, next months it’s her phone bill, then her rent, then her car insurance, then her student loans, then her mortgage etc. 

 

Why do I even have to explain these things.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

@mandyjw The dangers of this lies not in the act of spending $20 on a goddamn coat seriously, obviously it’s not about the money, it’s about potentially getting sucked into an unhealthy dynamic. You would be surprised at the level and skill of manipulation that can be done to someone who has developed genuine feelings/attraction for you. Today it’s a coat, next months it’s her phone bill, then her rent, then her car insurance, then her student loans, then her mortgage etc. 

 

Why do I even have to explain these things.

This point is valid. I began paying my second ex's bills because he got used to begging money from me and I got used to giving. Good sense never came on me, I didn't even think for a second about it. I felt financially exploited in the relationship. Yea this can be a tricky part. However one could also be too paranoid if one keeps thinking hypothetically about the future. It's almost like if a girl is simply talking to another guy and her date immediately thinks "she is a cheater or she'll cheat on me," a lot of this type of thinking comes from scarcity mindset. A mindset that is hyper protective of self leaving no room for other's concerns and needs. Not everyone is out to financially exploit you or cheat. To constantly speculate especially something bad can be a part of paranoid behavior. The reverse can be possible. If you are a guy and if you told the girl your concerns she might even think "my God this guy thinks so much about the future, he is so paranoid" and yea, to a lot of people it will reflect as an insecurity. I remember the same ex telling me "our relationship is not going to work" and then followed by "you're going to put poison in a drink and give it to my parents, who knows ," I was like "dude gtfo" I was so pissed off because he was making up nonsense, speculating things that I have never done in my life, I felt hurt and blamed for nothing, I liked his parents so his comment hurt like a dagger, how could he think like that about me when i had been paying his bills for almost a year, such people are insanely paranoid and think too far and negative in the future. It's almost like if i came home late because of the traffic, my ex would have said - "I think you're cheating on me, that's why you're late." Stuff like this can do great damage to a relationship. 

 

[K Ghoul]

@Preety_India right! And the goal of dating is to get to know the other person, who they are, is everything okay with them mentally etc. If the relationship progresses in a healthy way you will feel a natural impulse to do something nice for the other without any worrying/paranoia and concerns. They were clearly not on the same page, and her making ambiguous coat remarks on their second date when they should have been discussing pokemons or whatever their interests may be was just plain fucking weird. 

 

[Average Investor]

 

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Guys love to see girls in their clothes, girls love wearing them especially if/when they smell like him, then maybe there's an excuse to see you again to return it... All kinds of opportunities for intimacy and romance there. 

Jesus did say if a man sues you for the coat off your back offer him your cloak too, but I guess if it's a woman we're trying to sleep with we must suspect the worst? ?‍♂️

I agree. So much of the playfulness is lost in a lot of this. My business transactions are more fun and playful than some of these threads lol. I think after someone gets hurt once, then that is what they decide to look out for. It kind of clouds their judgement and they focus on that. Then they spend the date thinking about how the girl/guy wanted to take advantage of them, which ends up ruining it. 

Maybe the key to game is just to be playful and loving. 

To the point of the coat. The girl could have even of been indirectly asking for a hug as well. 

Edited February 15, 2022 by Average Investor

[StarStruck]

6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@StarStruck Were you wearing a coat when she said that? 

Yes, I offered her my coat but she said no.

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

@StarStruck

I’m a bit pigeonholed at this point. 

Was most definitely not trying to say or imply ‘be a sucker’. 

I do wish you the best. 

Haha, I undestand but thanks.

5 hours ago, aurum said:

Where are you meeting these girls, Seeking Arrangements?

If this actually is happening to you on a regular basis, then you need to mix up your earlier approach.

Don’t wait until the date to show her that you’re not boring.

And you can actually spend money on women before you sleep with them, but it needs to be done in the right way.

For instance, you could buy a boat and then invite girls to come party on it. That be like a Dan Bilzerian type of move. Technically you’d be spending cash to help you get laid, but it’s not overtly paying for sex.

 

I already bought us pizza, coffee, we went to a lounge. That investment from my side. In my view investments should come from both side, we dated twice, it would skew the investment ratio in the relationship.

Anyway, the real sticking point for me would be to find ways to become more fun and entertaining to be around, which should be the real issue of this thread.

David Hawkins stuff helped me to become a less negative, depressed person and be more loving and upbeat in general but I'm no where close where I have to be.

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@K Ghoul I wasn't there, I don't know. We frame and understand situations by what we expect, and life reflects it back to us, and this member has shared this same experience and expectation about women in the past. Whether she was looking to get something from him or not, he will continue to get/interpret the same behavior from women unless he sees why he is so resistant and protective of it. 

Seriously, why not be like Jesus, just say fuck it. Buy her a coat. Get taken advantage of and be happy about it. Give the drunk homeless guys $20 for booze. Why not? You lose more life in your concern of getting ripped off or taken advantage of than you ever will have actually taken from you. Might as well just give and live fully. 

 

It is true, it happened more than once that girls blocked me after a date. It isn't the coat, guys. Especially where I'm from girls are not that materialistic. They want connection most of all.

 

 

Edited February 15, 2022 by StarStruck

[Lyubov]

My girl freaked out and wants me to buy her a $800 hairdryer after not bringing her flowers on Valentine's Day even though I have basically an excuse and told her over the weekend while I was IN BED SICK WITH A FEVER that I'd need a raincheck and we would celebrate next weekend instead, she's apologized since but how she was kinda bi polar for a bit and making no sense I sometimes don't understand women 

Edited February 15, 2022 by Lyubov

[StarStruck]

5 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

My girl freaked out and wants me to buy her a $800 hairdryer after not bringing her flowers on Valentine's Day even though I have basically an excuse and told her over the weekend while I was IN BED SICK WITH A FEVER that I'd need a raincheck and we would celebrate next weekend instead, she's apologized since but how she was kinda bi polar for a bit and making no sense I sometimes don't understand women 

There is nothing to understand, they are more emotional than us, while we are more logical.

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

My girl freaked out and wants me to buy her a $800 hairdryer after not bringing her flowers on Valentine's Day even though I have basically an excuse and told her over the weekend while I was IN BED SICK WITH A FEVER that I'd need a raincheck and we would celebrate next weekend instead, she's apologized since but how she was kinda bi polar for a bit and making no sense I sometimes don't understand women 

LOL, I never asked for anything on Valentine's day except kisses. 

 

[Lyubov]

5 hours ago, Average Investor said:

I am surprised no one else mentioned this. It would have been a smooth move. However, I am sure this sub forum would have been more in favor of asking her to come to his place to warm up. 

 

You know what would of been hilarious? if OP was actually being hit on and she was just hinting at him inviting her back to his place to "get warm" but he took it as her trying to be scammy 

[Raptorsin7]

@Lyubov I think she felt like you didn't care enough to remember Valentine's day and then wanted to you to over compensate by showing your care and commitment with an extravagant gift. She was likely feeling insecure and uncertain about your feelings

[K Ghoul]

4 hours ago, Lyubov said:

You know what would of been hilarious? if OP was actually being hit on and she was just hinting at him inviting her back to his place to "get warm" but he took it as her trying to be scammy 

Lol

that would explain why she blocked him afterwards- she figured he must be gay lol

 

[K Ghoul]

5 hours ago, Lyubov said:

My girl freaked out and wants me to buy her a $800 hairdryer after not bringing her flowers on Valentine's Day even though I have basically an excuse and told her over the weekend while I was IN BED SICK WITH A FEVER that I'd need a raincheck and we would celebrate next weekend instead, she's apologized since but how she was kinda bi polar for a bit and making no sense I sometimes don't understand women 

you know, you gotta admire men. The stuff that you guys are able to endure, tolerate and even find adorable/cute/hilarious makes me want to conclude that you are morally superior as a species.

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, K Ghoul said:

you know, you gotta admire men. The stuff that you guys are able to endure, tolerate and even find adorable/cute/hilarious makes me want to conclude that you are morally superior as a species.

 

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, Lyubov said:

You know what would of been hilarious? if OP was actually being hit on and she was just hinting at him inviting her back to his place to "get warm" but he took it as her trying to be scammy 

?