What to say or to do if a girl asks financial favors

[K Ghoul]

@Preety_India if she is innocent in terms of she’s not fishing for a new coat then she’s immature beyond belief- dating is about having fun and getting to know each other, and look the guy is already on edge asking people for help to decipher her behavior 

[Preety_India]

@K Ghoul maybe it just came up as a casual conversation. Like with my ex he casually said he didn't have stuff in the kitchen. 

I absolutely don't see a deal here. 

 

[Preety_India]

@K Ghoul to be frank and honest, money never occurred to me as a problem in a relationship, It was the last and least of my worries and this has nothing to do with me being a female. 

Me and my ex used to look for opportunities to buy something for one another. It was a sweet adventure. We would both go shopping and sometimes he would buy for me and sometimes I would buy for him. It was a way of having fun together. 

I used to appreciate what he bought for me. He would be delighted with whatever I used to get for him. 

I found it cheap if I hesitated to get something for him, in fact he and I were more than willing to buy stuff for each other. 

In fact guys would buy me stuff even on dates. I would buy them stuff too. No hesitation. It's just having fun. 

I didn't see any materialism there. Just two people shopping and having fun. 

Heck, I used to do this for my friends and sometimes strangers as well. 

I remember getting a box of chocolates for a guy who I barely knew just so that he could have a good day. 

My current sweetheart gets me free jam all the time. 

 

Edited February 14, 2022 by Preety_India

[Eph75]

Awareness of the different languages of love might help to get some perspective. 

Some connect signs of love to be via gifts, feel loved when getting gifts and not surprisingly lean towards thinking that others think the same, love to give and love to get. 

Give something to someone who "speaks a different language" and it doesn't make much sense, as it doesn't hold the same meaning. 

Give a gift so someone who feel loves by touch, and it may not just mean nothing, it might we awkward. 

Understanding this allows to better connect with others. 

The monetary value of the gift, in this case, doesn't matter. It can be a absolutely trivial gift, as it's the act of giving and being the receiver of that act that hold the meaning. 

How do we tell the difference without context? We can't. 

How can we tell the difference even with context? Difficult, biases and judgment is at play, and often we can't, especially when not knowing what to look for. 

Of course, this doesn't take away the fact that getting gifts can and is abused by some. 

[K Ghoul]

@Preety_India  I wasn’t ever consciously thinking or even being aware of any underlying dynamics when I was in my early 20s, doesn’t mean that the dynamics weren’t there  I just wasn’t paying attention.

There is always an intention and a manifestation of that intention that translates into how a person acts, what they do and what they say, most often not even being consciously aware of what and why they’re doing it. 
 

@Eph75 it’s their second date I think, isn’t it to soon for the language of love?  What love, they just met 

[StarStruck]

7 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

You got it.

But maybe it wasn't you being boring, some women are just overly materialistic. Which is a huge fucking red flag.

No, I'm definitely boring. I heard that I'm boring once or twice. I'm working on it though.

6 hours ago, aurum said:

Yeah I’m not convinced that was her sneaky way of her asking you to buy her a coat.

Ya’ll are so paranoid about women trying to use you for money. Most women are interested in men far beyond what they can provide financially. And most of you don’t even have money for them to leech off of. So quit ya paranoia.

When girls find me boring (I can see it on their face), they always try to pull that trick of getting something material out of me. This pattern happened more than once so I got a good nose for it.

I just need to be more fun and add more value to the dates. In that case, they won't ask me for material favors because she already got hers if you know what I mean.

I mean I do get it. They go on a date with me for the fun, perhaps I'm a little boring and silent at times, and they think, what they heck am I doing here? Let me at least get a coat out of this.

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Just look at her like she is stupid and laugh.

Haha

Edited February 14, 2022 by StarStruck

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Awareness of the different languages of love might help to get some perspective. 

Some connect signs of love to be via gifts, feel loved when getting gifts and not surprisingly lean towards thinking that others think the same, love to give and love to get. 

Give something to someone who "speaks a different language" and it doesn't make much sense, as it doesn't hold the same meaning. 

Give a gift so someone who feel loves by touch, and it may not just mean nothing, it might we awkward. 

Understanding this allows to better connect with others. 

The monetary value of the gift, in this case, doesn't matter. It can be a absolutely trivial gift, as it's the act of giving and being the receiver of that act that hold the meaning. 

How do we tell the difference without context? We can't. 

How can we tell the difference even with context? Difficult, biases and judgment is at play, and often we can't, especially when not knowing what to look for. 

Of course, this doesn't take away the fact that getting gifts can and is abused by some. 

People who are not generous with money are also not very generous with affection and love. (personal experience) you could argue otherwise but reality is always reality. I have been generous with money but I have also been generous emotionally. It's a people quality. Generous people are always generous, they've a giving hand, material or non material. Whereas those who calculate too much are generally the most un-generous, insecure people who are also emotionally not that invested or loving, they basically have a scarcity mindset and cut down on all shit, it's a generally a bad experience to be around such people because they are always calculating and tallying. They never want to do shit for others. 

[Pavement]

What about a girl buying you something?  My girlfriend would bring me random gifts when we started dating , I was surprised and appreciative.  we get eachother spontaneous gifts if we see something that the other will like.

[Lyubov]

These girls are rare but occasionally some will try to ask for things form guys they aren’t even with. One chick asked me once if I’d meet her off tinder but in exchange for a gift. It’s happened to me several times in different ways. You will come across it a lot when you put yourself out there often. It can be sorta scammy sometimes too so be careful. There are simp guys who will actually do this so they are sorta screening for them. Just ignore such women. Don’t even try to “game” them or change them. 

[Eph75]

7 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

@Eph75 it’s their second date I think, isn’t it to soon for the language of love?  What love, they just met 

Love is much bigger than love between two people in a committed romantic relationship. 

One's language of love can dictate how you look and long for being loved, seen, cared for, the need to be loved. 

Even if you are not in a relationship, you have a certain way you respond to love, and how you get acknowledged by others.

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

People who are not generous with money are also not very generous with affection and love.

This very black and white:

"Someone that is not genorous with his money, cannot be generous with affection and love"

Does that mean that women who never pay for anything, and default to men paying, cannot love?

Or is this one of those things that can only work in one direction, the direction of one's own preference 

What I was pointing towards was just that two different ways of practicing affection may not be compatible, but does not mean there's anything wrong, simply saying there might be an incompatibility. 

Someone feeling especially loved and appreciated through gifts, may be biased towards looking for being gifted so that they can fulfill their need to feel loved and accepted.

It's not as most people know what drives them, it's the opposite. What's rationally odd may be subconsciously emotionally validated.

Insecure people can just as equally turn to over compensating generosity as desperately looking for being liked, essentially losing a sense of self while accommodating others.

Edited February 14, 2022 by Eph75

[K Ghoul]

@StarStruck Did you get her the coat yet? If you decided you want to get her the coat today is a good time to do it - it’s Valentine’s Day

[Matthew85]

@StarStruck I love giving people gifts, so I would probably buy her two coats. There is no right or wrong. Just do what feels best for you. 

[StarStruck]

1 minute ago, Matthew85 said:

@StarStruck I love giving people gifts, so I would probably buy her two coats. There is no right or wrong. Just do what feels best for you. 

We didn’t even have sex. 

 

2 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

@StarStruck Did you get her the coat yet? If you decided you want to get her the coat today is a good time to do it - it’s Valentine’s Day

She blocked me after the second date. 

Girls block me because of lack of connection. I rather spend money on myself to fix myself rather than paying for coats for girls so they tolerate my presence. 

[K Ghoul]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

 

She blocked me after the second date. 

Girls block me because of lack of connection. I rather spend money on myself to fix myself rather than paying for coats for girls so they tolerate my presence. 

Which only confirms that she was in it for a coat. 
Glad this parasite is out of your life!

 

Edited February 14, 2022 by K Ghoul

[Matthew85]

2 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

We didn’t even have sex. 

What does that matter? You can give gifts to strangers. There is tremendous joy in giving. You don't need to create all kinds of rules and restrictions on who you give to.  

[Nahm]

@StarStruck

How easily affordable is the coat for you?

[Leo Gura]

If you buy a girl a coat before she has sex with you I am banning you from this forum.

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, K Ghoul said:

Which only confirms that she was in it for a coat. 
Glad this parasite is out of your life!

 

No, she really liked me when I approached her. I could see it in her eyes. I just messed it up by being boring, not knowing how to game her.

The thing is that, I had girls tell me I'm boring so it would be a disservice to blame her. She is a very beautiful girl and she deserves the best.

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@StarStruck

How easily affordable is the coat for you?

I could afford it.

27 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you buy a girl a coat before she has sex with you I am banning you from this forum.

Agreed

[Nahm]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I could afford it.

Did you / do you like her, as in, wanted to / want to spend more time together?

[StarStruck]

16 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Did you / do you like her, as in, wanted to / want to spend more time together?

Yes, I liked her. I'm not going to lie, she looks stunning but she also had a kind and warm personality. The first half of my time with her was amazing, the second half was getting boring. I wasn't surprised she blocked me.