Depressed and I don't care

[Ones]

Im just numb, there is nothing to say really but I'll say it whatever comes up anyway. I cried like a baby till I almost couldn't breathe yesterday, and I've waited for that cry for so long. It all came out at once and it felt good, because I was actually feeling something real. Music kind of felt nice, sad music, I could feel the realness for a split second. Yeah. 

I don't care, I don't even want to get better because there is no point. I get disappointed everyday by the people in this world. Social media is really something. When I'm out I can't help but notice that everyone is glued to a screen, and I'm no better. Everytime I think something will turn my situation around and will give me meaning in my life again, it disappoints. I got a job recently after quite some time just doing nothing, I thought it would change something in me, but no. There is no meaning to be found anywhere. The only true meaning is expressing the meaninglessness beautifully through creative means, but I can't enjoy or create that, because I feel nothing. I can't feel. Somehow I like admitting it, because it means I'm able to stop acting like everyone else, I can be true to myself. I see people on here trying to give advice to others about depression and it is so dumb. If you've ever been depressed you know that quick tips like "cherishing the moment" and "exercising" is meaningless for one with it. 

When you're out in the world it's all pretend, everyone are just monkeys trying to act the right way to survive. We look forward to small things like going out in the weekend or relaxing after a hard week of work, but it never ends. We labour to relax and start over again. Spirituality is crap. Fuck that shit, people act enlightened but I know you're all bullshitting urself and everybody else. You are the worst kind of people, so self righteous and talk as if you're on a pedestal with some secret knowledge. I've been there, I've been that guy too. I appreciate the ones who ask and seek to know, those who are ignorant of the fact that nobody really knows, they are the ones who are actually real. Stick your awareness, yoga, gurus and ideas up your ass. If you took any of that personally or feel the need to defend something, I'm talking to you.

[happyhappy]

@Ones

1 hour ago, Ones said:

. If you've ever been depressed you know that quick tips like "cherishing the moment" and "exercising" is meaningless for one with it. 

ik right? I have personally battled depression and going to war with it won't probably solve it eh?

1 hour ago, Ones said:

When you're out in the world it's all pretend, everyone are just monkeys trying to act the right way to survive. We look forward to small things like going out in the weekend or relaxing after a hard week of work, but it never ends. We labour to relax and start over again. Spirituality is crap. Fuck that shit, people act enlightened but I know you're all bullshitting urself and everybody else. You are the worst kind of people, so self righteous and talk as if you're on a pedestal with some secret knowledge. I've been there, I've been that guy too. I appreciate the ones who ask and seek to know, those who are ignorant of the fact that nobody really knows, they are the ones who are actually real. Stick your awareness, yoga, gurus and ideas up your ass. If you took any of that personally or feel the need to defend something, I'm talking to you.

and hey, I see u hv grasped the meaninglessness of this entire facade. but, remember, there can be more to it...

recently I came to read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse and I would recommend that with 5 stars for ya . it has answered a ton of ur points here!?

[Preety_India]

Whatever happens in the world around you, it's only you and your journey that matters in the end. 

 

[puporing]

@Ones Keep going lol you're on the right track... you're going after truths that cannot be suppressed/repressed. It's true very few 'trained therapists' even get what you're going through because they haven't themselves. 

[Cathal]

@Ones  you are trapped in your patterns of behaviour and belief systems about yourself and it's suffocated you into a tiny little prison like you're a mouse in a cage in an open field - if you truly understood your emotions you wouldn't write this post

fundamentally it is repression causing you to feel numb, that means dealing with meeting needs and detaching from belief systems and that's all, nothing will fix it except exploring that repressed part of you which requires you to really commit to trying to understand yourself without judgment. just as it is, as society is, as your family is, they're all inside of you and you're trying to free yourself of that cancerous shit

you can pm me if you wanna talk about your life

 

[Ones]

8 hours ago, happyhappy said:

ik right? I have personally battled depression and going to war with it won't probably solve it eh?

Well said. Battling it only suppresses it temporarily. 

 

9 hours ago, happyhappy said:

and hey, I see u hv grasped the meaninglessness of this entire facade. but, remember, there can be more to it...

recently I came to read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse and I would recommend that with 5 stars for ya . it has answered a ton of ur points here!?

Maybe ill come around to it but honestly, I'm just so damn tired of spirituality. I just can't take it seriously anymore. I'm not looking for answers anymore, I'm not a desperate seeker anymore.

 

 

[DManKee]

I feel for you buddy, I'm in a very very similar situation. I've had a low level of depression since I was small and every year it's just gotten worse. Everything I try fails. It actually feels kinda nice knowing others suffer like this too. My only piece of advice for you is to hang on. Things will change I promise you. We are all on a journey. Know that there is no up without down, no love without hate, no happiness without sadness. The pendulum will swing in the other direction guaranteed.

The best people in this world, those that inspire millions have all gone through the toughest of times and they become stronger for it. 

Know that you are loved, no matter what.

Loads of hugs! ♥️

[Ones]

6 hours ago, DManKee said:

I feel for you buddy, I'm in a very very similar situation. I've had a low level of depression since I was small and every year it's just gotten worse. Everything I try fails. It actually feels kinda nice knowing others suffer like this too. My only piece of advice for you is to hang on. Things will change I promise you. We are all on a journey. Know that there is no up without down, no love without hate, no happiness without sadness. The pendulum will swing in the other direction guaranteed.

The best people in this world, those that inspire millions have all gone through the toughest of times and they become stronger for it. 

Know that you are loved, no matter what.

Loads of hugs! ♥️

Thanks for commenting

[Ones]

11 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

@Ones  you are trapped in your patterns of behaviour and belief systems about yourself and it's suffocated you into a tiny little prison like you're a mouse in a cage in an open field - if you truly understood your emotions you wouldn't write this post

Aren't we all? Show me one person who changes up their behavior and belief systems like they change their underwear. I'm pretty open minded, not so biased because I don't really have a belief system anymore. You've made assumptions about me by reading my post, but everything u read is filtered through your own perception of the world. You think you know what I am going through, but your actually only giving advice based on what you've gone through. We are blind to the unknown and all we know is what we have felt through our own senses, or through empathy by really connecting with someone. You've not really connected with me here, so this is pointless. Don't you see? This is not a personal judgement, it's just how it works, if we're not connecting and hitting that sweetspot of truth and unity then it is empty and has no weight. Then words are just words, and does not touch that which is beyond them. I don't believe that this is possible through writing on a forum, unless you really connect with that.

I'm not saying what you've written wouldn't help somebody else, but it has to be for someone who is seeking it. If you're not seeking help everything that resembles help will fall on deaf ears. I'm not looking for help, or a quick fix to feel better. 

[Cathal]

@Ones

Quote

you can pm me if you wanna talk about your life

 

[Ulax]

I get you dude. I've been in a similar state of numbness for most of my life.

And re the advice issues, its nuts. I sometimes laugh at how ridiculously unhelpful it is. 'Just go outside bro' is a classic lmao.

You might like the musician, 'Lund'. I found he's one of the few I can relate to.

I'm personally putting my faith in IFS therapy, as my means of living the good life.

[Ones]

1 hour ago, catcat69123 said:

@Ones

 

Appreciate the offer, but no thanks.

 

32 minutes ago, Ulax said:

I get you dude. I've been in a similar state of numbness for most of my life.

And re the advice issues, its nuts. I sometimes laugh at how ridiculously unhelpful it is. 'Just go outside bro' is a classic lmao.

You might like the musician, 'Lund'. I found he's one of the few I can relate to.

I'm personally putting my faith in IFS therapy, as my means of living the good life.

I'll check out Lund. Thanks

[Ulax]

@Ones You're welcome chief

[Nahm]

Not Knowing = Unconditional Love. 

… and now… roast ‘me’. 

?? 

Ignore-ance of emotional guidance is not fun. ? Letting down the ‘armor’, understanding and receiving emotional guidance & consciously creating, is the greatest thrill ride possible. But definitely don’t take my word for it. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

3 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Not Knowing = Unconditional Love. 

… and now… roast ‘me’. 

?? 

3 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Not Knowing = Unconditional Love. 

… and now… roast ‘me’. 

?? 

You don’t know what love is ?

[Nahm]

@IAmReallyImportant

You one sneaky love. 

?? 

——

roast this too…

 

[IAmReallyImportant]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@IAmReallyImportant

You one sneaky love. 

?? 

——

roast this too…

 

On a roast you are not supposed to say anything. That’s why I like it. Because ppeople have to absorb the truth. 

[Nahm]

@IAmReallyImportant

That was much lighter than I thought it would be. 

[IAmReallyImportant]

43 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@IAmReallyImportant

That was much lighter than I thought it would be. 

I took extra care not to hurt your feelings. People need you here.

[Nahm]