What's with older guys (10+ yrs older) approaching much younger women?

[Federico del pueblo]

 

9 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I also thought he was younger by the way he talked lol.

 Yes, I have managed to not become boring in spite of my very high age...

@Etherial Cat

 Te lo perdono!

[Ulax]

I think screening men is important.

However, I'd recommend doing a long term depth psychotherapy so that you change your internals. I'd recommend IFS. That way you won't be attracted to toxic men, and will be attracted to healthier men.

I suspect there is some trauma bonding here.

[K Ghoul]

@Loba Free to ride the cock-carousel  yea no..

[Loba]

@Federico del pueblo I'm not looking to attract a man, I have everything I need right here, there isn't anything a man can offer me that I don't already have.  Younger women should be aware of the realities of dating and I am here, as someone with experience in relationships and dating, and who knows the bullshit men put women through...  - if I knew what men were all about at a younger age I would have done much better to protect myself.  Older women learn about your ways over time, it isn't a toxic outlook, it's just a very real one.

Edited February 11, 2022 by Loba

[Federico del pueblo]

 

3 minutes ago, Loba said:

I'm not looking to attract a man, I have everything I need right here, there isn't anything a man can offer me that I don't already have.

I think if you are at that level you're probably also able to just love men for what they are without any bitterness, right?

Anyway you still hold certain beliefs about men that are extremely exaggerated and not as true as you think they are like

Quote

They don't want you to come into your own as a woman - they want you to stay a meek girl forever.

That's just untrue. For some men it's true ofc, for many it's not.

But if this has been your subjective experience (which also can be distorted by the beliefs you already had before the experiences) then it can have a lot to do with you.

I definitely know women who don't share your views, sure they also know that men want sex, and some men only want sex, but they are able to find other men who value them as a person and are in happy relationships with them.

But anyway as you're not trying to attract men anymore because you are completely fulfilled it probably doesn't matter to you.

By the way. If you want to contemplate how biased you are in terms of men you could ask yourself some questions and see which answers arise.

Like e.g. "is there anything I am grateful for in men?"

"What are some of the best qualities men typically have? (not the negative stuff, but actually positive qualities)"

See what comes up.

[Username]

1 hour ago, Loba said:

The truth is, they don't care about you, they care about how you look and that is why they are going for you, when you are too young for them.  Older women become wiser, it is harder to treat a woman and get away with certain things, it's much easier to do this to a young girl.

That's the cold hard truth.  It's not you, it's your looks, it never was about you as a person.  An individual.  This is just how men are.  That's reality.

40 minutes ago, somegirl said:

And I was 20 and thought I could trust him to know better for my own sake, considering how vulnerable and inexperienced I was. This is why I might be a bit bitter. 

This is one reason why I'm not interested in females my age. If you had bad experiences you become bitter. Than instead of looking at me how I really am, you assume who I am based on your previous experiences. I'm not interested in dealing with this kind of drama. It's extremely off-putting.

(Plus I look at least 10 years younger so people my age look like my grandparents )

[Loba]

@Username You probably are that, if you're making assumptions about people based on age.  Also, big deal, I look ten years younger than I am, too.

[Loba]

10 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Like e.g. "is there anything I am grateful for in men?"

No.  Oh wait, thanks for donating the sperm that gave me life.

"What are some of the best qualities men typically have?

Generally a man's good qualities come with a whole host of much worse ones.  Trust me on this.  

I'm not really interested in researching this area, I know well enough how men are and what they're all about.  Most women learn about what men are about at some point in life, trying to brainwash me into accepting a few, pitiful, meager traits in a person, when they are mostly composed of negative traits just sounds like coping or trying to mitigate a real problem, which is that most men do NOT treat women properly.

 

[K Ghoul]

4 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Username You probably are that, if you're making assumptions about people based on age.  Also, big deal, I look ten years younger than I am, too.

He is just being a NiceGuy who doesn’t want to hurt older girls feelings by openly admitting that he prefers fresh young female flesh in their prime  amirite

 

[Loba]

@K Ghoul That's usually what it is.  Guys like young girls, it's just nature.
That's why older guys approach young girls, I was young once, I remember all the old dudes following me around - it certainly wasn't for my personality.

Actually, not true, I used to be much sweeter - but sweetness is ignorance.

Edited February 11, 2022 by Loba

[Federico del pueblo]

@Loba it's still worse than I thought.

Quote

No.  Oh wait, thanks for donating the sperm that gave me life.

Sad.

Quote

Generally a man's good qualities come with a whole host of much worse ones. 

This is what incels would say about women. For the same reasons you say it about men.

Quote

Trust me on this.  

No. You don't seem like a person I should trust.

Quote

I'm not really interested in researching this area, I know well enough how men are and what they're all about.

Yes people are typically not interested in becoming more aware of their biases. It's called confirmation bias. You might figure out things you don't like and they might have something to do with you, not just men.

 

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

trying to brainwash me into accepting a few, pitiful, meager traits in a person, when they are mostly composed of negative traits

I'm starting to get a sense that you are at least as pitiful as the men you must have dated. This is just such a negative view. Sorry you haven't been able to meet better men.

11 minutes ago, Loba said:

which is that most men do NOT treat women properly.

Which is exactly what bitter men, like incels, would say about women. 

[Loba]

@Federico del pueblo You're not cool dude.  Don't comment on what I write anymore.

You're making this about me where it doesn't need to be.  The reality this woman is being harassed by men... like you... and she deserves to know the truth about how men work.  The difference between an incel and me is that I can get what an incel can't.

Edited February 11, 2022 by Loba

[Username]

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Username You probably are that, if you're making assumptions about people based on age.  Also, big deal, I look ten years younger than I am, too.

I can only make assumptions if I don't talk about any specific person.

People in general become less 'fresh' as they age. Unless they actively do something about that.

2 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

He is just being a NiceGuy who doesn’t want to hurt older girls feelings by openly admitting that he prefers fresh young female flesh in their prime  amirite

1 minute ago, Loba said:

@K Ghoul That's usually what it is.  Guys like young girls, it's just nature.
That's why older guys approach young girls, I was young once, I remember all the old dudes following me around - it certainly wasn't for my personality.

I'm over thirty but people often assume that I'm 20 yo (sometimes that I'm still teenager..). This also works in an opposite direction. If a female is 20+ it's often hard to shake the feeling that she is older than me.

I'm not interested in dating anyone. Everyone will be rejected equally!

[Loba]

1 minute ago, Username said:

I'm not interested in dating anyone. Everyone will be rejected equally!

Same here.  I've been there, done that, now I'm here to offer the advice my daddy shoulda given me at a young age.

[K Ghoul]

1 minute ago, Username said:

I'm over thirty but people often assume that I'm 20 yo (sometimes that I'm still teenager..). This also works in an opposite direction. If a female is 20+ it's often hard to shake the feeling that she is older than me.

I'm not interested in dating anyone. Everyone will be rejected equally!

Haha that’s cool man it seems we are all genetically gifted here 

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, Loba said:

@Federico del pueblo You're not cool dude.  Don't comment on what I write anymore.

Cognitive dissonance...

I think you should rewatch a few hundred hours of Leo's videos, especially about biases, self-deception etc.

Btw, what are you even doing here in the dating section? Just help out the young girls?

[Loba]

@Federico del pueblo No, it's that you write in a way to provoke something and I'm not taking the bait.
I don't need to watch any of Leo's videos on this or that - for one particular thing - which is that men don't treat or view women properly, and this is a huge problem - and something that young girls have to deal with to much greater degree.

I don't spend much time in the dating section tbh - because you offer real world advice and it always devolves into this.

This is advice from one woman to another on the reality of, I hate to say it, your gender.  It is a harsh reality, but it is the truth.  She will find out now, in her 30's or 40's, and it's better to find out now and to face the reality of what men are really about, then later.  I've been through this, with multiple people, I've dated, I've had a few one night stands - I have outstanding pattern recognition - and I can tell you, that what I say is true - it doesn't matter what you believe, you're a dude, of course you're going to be biased and won't want to look at your gender for what it is.

[Loba]

And it's not just me, you have many women here who live that reality.  Who try and offer the very real experience of what it is like to be a woman, and are shut down, and told that their views are wrong for this reason or that reason, ect, ect.  It's all the same thing.

[Tristan12]

@Federico del pueblo I agree with you

[Federico del pueblo]

3 minutes ago, Loba said:

No, it's that you write in a way to provoke something and I'm not taking the bait.

When you said things like "No. Oh wait, thanks for donating the sperm that gave me life. "  don't you think this could be considered provoking. But ok, if this is how you see it.

And yeah I can see, I got a little bit dick-ish for sure, my apologies.

8 minutes ago, Loba said:

This is advice from one woman to another on the reality of, I hate to say it, your gender.  It is a harsh reality, but it is the truth.

I don't disagree that there are certain negative realities about men. I just think that you exaggerate and over generalize. As though there were no men who treat women well. All men are bad.

11 minutes ago, Loba said:

you're a dude, of course you're going to be biased

But you won't be biased because you're a woman. I see how that works ?

13 minutes ago, Loba said:

and won't want to look at your gender for what it is.

I actually love to look at my gender for what it is. And I can definitely admit certain negative tendencies about men. But I'm also able to spot over generalisations and distortions which are the result of the same biases you accuse me of having while denying that you have them yourself.