What's with older guys (10+ yrs older) approaching much younger women?

[somegirl]

And why does younger guys rarely approach said women? 

Does it have to do with a girl (like she maybe gives off some type of (mature) vibe that is attractive to older guys, and not younger ones) or does it have to do with guys, as in, younger guys are more scared and embarrassed to approach girls their age, whereas older ones are more bold?

 

I don't know but it kinda insults me when someone who is 10+ years older than me approaches me. 

Edited February 11, 2022 by somegirl

[Preety_India]

I don't see a problem at all. 

I only see a problem if the guy is 20~30 years older in which case it can set up a power dynamic. 

I don't see any problem with older men approaching young women. (unless the girl is underage) 

Looks like a non issue to me. 

 

 

[Roy]

There are a handful of reasons, these are the ones I know of off the top of my head and it's all debatable.

- Women generally are more mature than men, and people tend to bond best with others of the same maturity level. Hence why you see lots of relationships with the man being older than the other way around.

- The older and more experienced you are the easier it is to manipulate, groom, and control someone younger and less experienced. I think this is true regardless of gender.

- An older guy knows they have resources, experiences, etc. that they can use to massively outcompete younger men for those younger women. So why wouldn't they? An example that parodies this are sugar daddy relationships.

It's a lot harder the other way around, because younger men don't have a lot to offer older women besides well, their youth, energy, excitement, adventure.

[Michal__]

Lots of young guys give in to their fear (you don't really stop feeling fear but you can stop giving in).

Older guys have probably regretted not approaching women when they were young. It boils down to experience.

[somegirl]

36 minutes ago, Roy said:

because younger men don't have a lot to offer older women besides well, their youth, energy, excitement, adventure.

Well it's not like guys in their early/mid/late twenties do not do anything. Some of them already have jobs, live on their own... 

[flowboy]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

I don't know but it kinda insults me when someone who is 10+ years older than me approaches me. 

This is the interesting part for me.

What are the beliefs and thoughts connected to that sense of being insulted?

[Gianna]

I would really love some insight on this as well. 

[Gianna]

Do you guys think that older guys just want to fuck you? I’m feeling like this is the case for me. I attract a lot of guys 6-7 sometime 8-10 years older as well. I’m really glad you asked/posted this thread @somegirl!!??

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

Does it have to do with a girl (like she maybe gives off some type of (mature) vibe that is attractive to older guys, and not younger ones) or does it have to do with guys, as in, younger guys are more scared and embarrassed to approach girls their age, whereas older ones are more bold?

It can be any combination, as interpretation is a multiplicity of individuation(s). Most relevant, imo, could be a reframing… why am I attracting X, when what I want, is Y. 

When the arising interpretation of feeling is ‘insulted’ is allowed to come & go… another, clearer interpretation arises next…and another, and another, clearer, and clearer, and so on. 

[something_else]

I'm pretty sure the main reason is that younger guys tend to be more scared of approaching. As you get older you give less fucks what people think of you

I don't really see why it should bother you. Hell, if I had older women approaching me left right and center I sure as hell would not be insulted by that 

[gettoefl]

once adult on average woman gets less attractive every day

once adult on average man gets more powerful every day

what one lacks for that one looks

[Federico del pueblo]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

And why does younger guys rarely approach said women? 

Does it have to do with a girl (like she maybe gives off some type of (mature) vibe that is attractive to older guys, and not younger ones) or does it have to do with guys, as in, younger guys are more scared and embarrassed to approach girls their age, whereas older ones are more bold?

It's fairly simple.

Young girls look attractive. And there are more young girls going out and they are often a bit crazier and more fun. The young guys haven't honed their skills nor overcome their fears and don't want to embarrass themselves. They might also believe that they're inadequate for these girls in some way, they might even believe they are too young ?

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

I don't know but it kinda insults me when someone who is 10+ years older than me approaches me. 

Get rid of that bitchy attitude lol. You don't owe any guy anything, but feeling "kinda insulted"?! That's weird. 

Also consider that many many young girls don't have any problems with older guys flirting with them (if they are good ofc). Just feel kinda flattered instead and if needed excuse yourself.

The last girl that was about 10 years younger than me said "god, why are you old guys always so fucking hot??! This is so annoying."

My response: Because we're so old ?

[Gianna]

10 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Young girls look attractive. … they are often a bit crazier and more fun.

Hm interesting. I can see that. Is this what orients the guy’s mind to sex and nothing else? 

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, Gianna said:

Hm interesting. I can see that. Is this what orients the guy’s mind to sex and nothing else? 

If we're talking about women in night clubs and guys hitting on them, then there is no extra thing required to orient the guy's mind to sex.

She could as well be 35 and kinda serious and grounded, if she's attractive it's about sex anyway.

This is not to say that it's only about sex. Anything could arise from it. But a guy typically wouldn't see himself getting to know a girl in a nightclub to then have 5 dinner dates with her before the first sex

And you ladies know that you can give a guy the "you're just looking for sex, right?" line. This will throw off all the inexperienced/insecure guys and the "players" don't care about it.

[Gianna]

13 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

we're talking about women in night clubs and guys hitting on them, then there is no extra thing required to orient the guy's mind to sex.

She could as well be 35 and kinda serious and grounded, if she's attractive it's about sex anyway.

This is not to say that it's only about sex. Anything could arise from it. But a guy typically wouldn't see himself getting to know a girl in a nightclub to then have 5 dinner dates with her before the first sex

But what about outside of a nightclub? And outside/before any dinner date? 
 

Edited February 11, 2022 by Gianna

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, Gianna said:

But what about outside of a nightclub? And outside/before any dinner date? 
 

This has never worked for me. They just tell you that it isn’t true, “I’m not only interested in sex.” And then their behavior immediately contradicts it. Turns into a very gaslighting experience and you have to exit the entire thing. 

20 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Can't delete quote...

You could simply it even further.

Almost all guys want sex with you as soon as possible (if you are the girl in the profile pic). They will deny it and do anything it takes. It doesn't matter what they tell you, they want sex.

So any guy you ever talk to, if the two of you were suddenly in a room together and you just started to behave in a seductive way, he would immediately fuck you right then and there. Sure there are exceptions (guys in relationships, traumatized guys, sexually very insecure guys etc.), but this is the rule of thumb for you.

But... because most guys are not good at attaining sex (early), it doesn't quite work like this. And many guys are so bad at attracting/seducing women that the only option to attain sex they can think of is going in a long term relationship.

Yes there are of course other reasons for a LTR too, so different intentions just kinda get mixed together.

[flowboy]

If someone approaches you and based on their age, you assume they only want sex, that's about you, not about them.

What are you projecting, and where is it coming from?

Do you believe that sex is the only thing you have to offer to a more mature person?

That he couldn't see you as a worthy life partner that he could take seriously?

I'm seriously wondering.

[gettoefl]

men want sex women want love, 'tis a tale as old as time

happy valentines everyone 

[Federico del pueblo]

10 minutes ago, Gianna said:

This has never worked for me. They just tell you that it isn’t true, “I’m not only interested in sex.” And then their behavior immediately contradicts it. Turns into a very gaslighting experience and you have to exit the entire thing. 

Then it kinda does work. Of course the guy will lie. He thinks this could get him the outcome he's looking for... it's just survival after all. So if he contradicts himself then your counter game basically has succeeded.

Understand that a experienced guy (with "game") is generally good at making a girl want to have sex. Not every girl but many. So this whole scenario might often not even occur, the way you describe it.

[Gianna]

1 minute ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Can't delete quote...

Haha. 
Well I decided it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m pretty hopeless to the whole thing. 
 

4 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Almost all guys want sex with you as soon as possible (if you are the girl in the profile pic). They will deny it and do anything it takes. It doesn't matter what they tell you, they want sex.

Yeah, literally. I’ve noticed this. Ugh! It’s very hurtful because it’s invalidating to the process of actually trying to get to know someone. 
 

6 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

So any guy you ever talk to, if the two of you were suddenly in a room together and you just started to behave in a seductive way, he would immediately fuck you right then and there. Sure there are exceptions (guys in relationships, traumatized guys, sexually very insecure guys etc.), but this is the rule of thumb for you.

Yeah.. I can see that. 
 

9 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

But... because most guys are not good at attaining sex (early), it doesn't quite work like this. And many guys are so bad at attracting/seducing women that the only option to attain sex they can think of is going in a long term relationship.

Yes there are of course other reasons for a LTR too, so different intentions just kinda get mixed together.

This explains so much and is extremely helpful. Thank you, thank you!