What's with older guys (10+ yrs older) approaching much younger women?

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

Maybe I have this belief because of this. 

Maybe.

The thing is I could think of a lot of reasons for which I might be better for a much younger girl than a lot of guys of the same age. And these reasons are just about as valid as your concerns.

- I have more life experiences to share

- I have more profound views on things, and am not as naive and clueless as the young guys

- I'm better in bed and know what I'm doing

- I could help her better with certain struggles, could offer better emotional support

- I can create the more emotional and meaningful experience

- I can turn her on better, charm her more

 

So what should now stop me from believing that I'm a good choice for a younger girl. That I have a small wrinkle on my forehead?

[Loba]

This is why I've decided to opt out of dating forever and focus all my time on my own interests.  I just see here how men try to twist shit around and I don't like it, and the level that it happens on this forum tells me that this is more than just a "this forum" problem, but that men are just aggressive, manipulative, and exploitative.  

The truth is, they don't care about you, they care about how you look and that is why they are going for you, when you are too young for them.  Older women become wiser, it is harder to treat a woman and get away with certain things, it's much easier to do this to a young girl.

That's the cold hard truth.  It's not you, it's your looks, it never was about you as a person.  An individual.  This is just how men are.  That's reality.

A man has a greater vested interest in you not individuating as a person as a toxic mother does.  They don't want you to come into your own as a woman - they want you to stay a meek girl forever.

Edited February 11, 2022 by Loba

[Matthew85]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

It makes me a bit irritated that they do not care that they are much older than me... Like, they do not have conscience that they shouldn't be dating someone so much younger than themselves. For many reasons. 

@somegirl You have some biases and beliefs you have adopted about age. If someone finds me attractive whether they are 19 or 90, I take it as a compliment.  ; )

[Etherial Cat]

7 hours ago, somegirl said:

I don't know but it kinda insults me when someone who is 10+ years older than me approaches me. 

 I don't think that's so uncommon. I've been disliking the attention of (much) older guys as well for most of my life.

It's like suddenly a bunch of dads are looking at you with a sexual interest when for you they just remain dads.  So it comes off as very weird, and a bit like a betrayal of expectations.

The reason why it's insulting is because a lot of them usually give you a lot of uncomfortable, unsolicited sexual attention, when you just consider them as "too old" and out of your "dating zone" because you're just not into older dudes.

Edited February 11, 2022 by Etherial Cat

[Salvijus]

8 hours ago, somegirl said:

don't know but it kinda insults me when someone who is 10+ years older than me approaches me. 

It should. A horny old man hunting for some flesh and pretending to be charming. It's kinda gross imo.

Edited February 11, 2022 by Salvijus

[Federico del pueblo]

@Etherial Cat

Yeah I can see that.

I'll often say to these young girls "if we get along you can call me daddy ;)"

This always makes for a good laugh haha

 

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

It makes me a bit irritated that they do not care that they are much older than me... Like, they do not have conscience that they shouldn't be dating someone so much younger than themselves. For many reasons. 

They know it, but they'll do it anyway. A lot of them don't care about the "how", as they are desperate for the outcome.

What they do is that they are putting their own interest over yours. And they don't care about what leverage they use. Age power differential, money, pick-up... 

[Etherial Cat]

1 minute ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Etherial Cat

Yeah I can see that.

I'll often say to these young girls "if we get along you can call me daddy ;)"

This always makes for a good laugh haha

 

I'm sure you're not that old? 

I'm not sure what type of age gap @somegirl was referring to. I thought 10-20+ ? 

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, Etherial Cat said:

I'm sure you're not that old? 

I'm flattered now. I seem to give off really young and energetic vibes with my posts haha

No, I'm not thaaat old. I'm younger than Leo, but no by many years.

So it actually can easily happen that a girl is ten years younger or so. But it's not like I focus on them intentionally, I just don't discriminate them either.

And that "daddy" thing I mentioned above would be said at a point when it's already obvious that there is some attraction, not like some some old, sleazy, grey guy who says this to a girl 25 years younger than him to "show interest" haha

[somegirl]

@Federico del pueblo I have had ex who told me sex without condom is not something that should concern me (he knew I was so scared of becoming pregnant) because he is good at "pull out" game, so pregnancy wouldn't happen. He told me his exes never got pregnant and they didn't use protection either (but he failed to mention that those girls have used birth control too). He suggested I could trust him because he is more experienced and therefore knows what he's talking about. But everyone around me kept telling me that withdrawal method is not good if you don't want to be pregnant. So I was conflicted. And I was 20 and thought I could trust him to know better for my own sake, considering how vulnerable and inexperienced I was. This is why I might be a bit bitter. 
 

Edited February 11, 2022 by somegirl

[K Ghoul]

@Loba The nature of reality.. brutal, isn’t it I actually would have preferred to have been murdered in my 20s instead of getting divorced. 
 

[Loba]

@K Ghoul I believe it, too - that's probably how deeply you love, and how much reality can hurt sometimes.  That's how brutal it can be for a woman in today's world.  I wish I'd known about how men really are in my 20's, too, I thought that they loved the same way, to the same extent that women do, but they don't.

Divorce sucks, sorry you went through it, but it is probably great to be free in some regards.

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

@Federico del pueblo I have had ex who told me sex without condom is not something that should concern me (he knew I was so scared of becoming pregnant) because he is good at "pull out" game, so pregnancy wouldn't happen. He told me his exes never got pregnant and they didn't use protection either (but he failed to mention that those girls have used birth control too). Everyone around me told me that withdrawal method is not good if you don't want to be pregnant. So I was conflicted. And I was 20 and thought I could trust him to know better for my own sake, considering how vulnerable and inexperienced I was. This is why I might be a bit bitter. 

And when it comes to this experience I totally understand your bitterness and any consequential concerns about "older guys".

I mean this could have been said by a younger guy too. This way or another it's just fucked up and immoral behaviour, trying to trick someone to do something that has a risk coming with it.

This is why I would advise you to always think for yourself. Of course you need to screen men (and actually people) regarding potential threads coming from them.

And I need to do the same. I'm just at the other end of the spectrum, kind of paranoid about women in their early thirties trying to get impregnated by me so I will then pay some compensation for them (sorry, I'm too lazy to look up the correct term).

"No it's okay, I take the pill...we don't need the condom ??...just stick it in"

Me: ??? No, my feeling tells me that we totally Do need the condom!

[Etherial Cat]

2 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I'm flattered now. I seem to give off really young and energetic vibes with my posts haha

No, I'm not thaaat old. I'm younger than Leo, but no by many years.

So it actually can easily happen that a girl is ten years younger or so. But it's not like I focus on them intentionally, I just don't discriminate them either.

And that "daddy" thing I mentioned above would be said at a point when it's already obvious that there is some attraction, not like some some old, sleazy, grey guy who says this to a girl 25 years younger than him to "show interest" haha

I'm 31 for 2 more days... so you're probably not much older than me. Which also means, you should perhaps not take my incapacity to spot your old age as a sign of youth. 

Damn, the daddy thing is a bit creepy though. But if that works. Good. It's quite funny, after all!

[Federico del pueblo]

5 minutes ago, Loba said:

That's how brutal it can be for a woman in today's world.  I wish I'd known about how men really are in my 20's, too,

Now you're just digging yourself deeper in some kind of psychological pit.

It's not like life is easy for men. 

It's also not like there are no loving men and no men who would value you for your personality.

There are very good men, but sure they still want sex. Men are just biological creatures after all (like you).

With that kind of negative and toxic outlook you simply won't be able to attract the really good men.

[somegirl]

4 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I mean this could have been said by a younger guy too. This way or another it's just fucked up and immoral behaviour, trying to trick someone to do something that has a risk coming with it.

True true, but he was using "I am older and therefore more experienced, I know what I'm talking about, you can trust me" card. But yeah...

[Federico del pueblo]

3 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Damn, the daddy thing is a bit creepy though. But if that works. Good. It's quite funny, after all!

Did you know that some girls will start to voluntarily call a guy "daddy" during sex and get turned on by it? Haha

 

6 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

to spot your old age

This is not how you compliment a gentleman! ?

[somegirl]

24 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I'm sure you're not that old? 

I also thought he was younger by the way he talked lol.
 

7 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

This is why I would advise you to always think for yourself. Of course you need to screen men (and actually people) regarding potential threads coming from them.

Yes... So true. Thank you. 
 

[Federico del pueblo]

4 minutes ago, somegirl said:

True true, but he was using "I am older and therefore more experienced, I know what I'm talking about, you can trust me" card. But yeah...

He was an asshole. He had some level of desperation and needed to use tricks.

There will be younger guys just like him. And they will think of other possibilities to trick a woman if they can't use the experience advantage.

[Etherial Cat]

Just now, Federico del pueblo said:

Did you know that some girls will start to voluntarily call a guy "daddy" during sex and get turned on by it? Haha

Yep! There has even been a thread about it not so long ago. 

1 minute ago, Federico del pueblo said:

This is not how you compliment a gentleman! ?

Lo siento, Don del Pueblo.