Should you wait for the woman to bring up defining a relationship?

[John Paul]

Should you wait for the woman to bring up defining a relationship? Specifically I'm interested in developing at some point a sexually exclusive, adult (26 years old), boyfriend/girlfriend/long-term/give it all relationship with a  straight woman.

 

I once studied when I was only 21 or so "3% Man" by Coach Corey Wayne through the audiobook version and one of the tips that's kind of stuck with me is that you should keep seeing other women or try to until a woman you like brings up the idea of being exclusive. For you older (than 23) guys who have had some success in dating and more than one serious relationship/decent game: 

Is this good advice? But also what would it go any other way than this? Is this always true (usually things aren't, when is it not?)

And I had one experience at that time around 21 where I wanted to be a player and so this girl who was actually cool I ended up rejecting more than once to be my girlfriend and I think that maybe it's because I should have been approaching with higher standard to begin with, so you less experienced sexually guys start working your standards for women up quickly the more you get so you don't have to break so many hearts you can settle for a girl worth (by your personal standards) settling for. What are tips for mitigating heart break and heart rejecting girls?

@Leo Gura

[flowboy]

14 hours ago, John Paul said:

What are tips for mitigating heart break and heart rejecting girls?

Authenticity and radical honesty.

It's so much better to come straight out with what you want, when you know you want it, than to play some sort of game.

The result is more satisfying.

You stand a better chance of actually getting what you want, much sooner than if you were dancing around it.

14 hours ago, John Paul said:

you should keep seeing other women or try to until a woman you like brings up the idea of being exclusive.

I think this is nonsense.

When you know what you want, you make it clear. No matter the consequences.

That's what a healthy man does.

 

Why then is this advice given?

Because if she is in the position of 'chasing' a relationship, then you have the power.

You get to reject or accept her, instead of the other way around.

But underneath that, it is a strategy to avoid getting hurt.

It's kind of a childish substitute for being a genuinely powerful man.

Avoiding getting hurt is not what gets you what you really want.

Vulnerability, putting yourself out there, is what is most respected and attractive.

 

Then how do you avoid losing all the power?

The answer is in this distinction:

• I want to be in a relationship with you no matter what

vs:

• I WANT a relationship with you ONLY IF you are fully all-in as well. And if you're not sure, then I don't.

This is the underlying frame you should have.

If you aren't okay on your own, if you are not grounded enough to let her go if she's not fully committed, THAT's where you lose the power.

So watch out for that, and you're golden.

 

I had fun breaking this down for you, hope it helps.

Edited February 11, 2022 by flowboy

[Federico del pueblo]

Yes.

[Gianna]

7 minutes ago, flowboy said:

I think this is nonsense.

When you know what you want, you make it clear. No matter the consequences.

That's what a healthy man does

I love this. 

 

 

 

[Terell Kirby]

3 hours ago, flowboy said:

When you know what you want, you make it clear. No matter the consequences.

The consequence would be you expressing your desire for a relationship, when she is not ready. This is a sure fired way to lower her attraction.

Women don't want it easy when it comes to the pursuit of a man's heart.

[flowboy]

@Terell Kirby What is a surefire way to lower her attraction, is not expressing your desire for fear of lowering her attraction.

[NoSelfSelf]

Why does it matter if its called girlfriend/boyfriend? If you are having amazing time then sometimes its not even mentioned its obvious whats going on...you shouldnt fixating on that, fixate on being more attractive and having amazing time thats it...

[NoSelfSelf]

@flowboy have that ever worked for you asking for a relationship right of the bat?

[Loba]

As a woman, it is the man who defines the relationship.  If you like her, then define the relationship.  I mean, you are leading... are you not?
If not then the woman is going to try and define it in her own way, whatever that might be, and it might not be what or how you want it.
When men don't define it, she will leave, move on or find ways to try and define it without actually defining anything because she really shouldn't be the one having to do that in the first place if we still had some semblance of cultural norm nowadays, it would be the man who has the ultimate say if the relationship stays or not.  Unless she leaves first, but for the most part - it is up to the guy to lead the beginning stages of how things go.  You decide your pace, and she follows.

[flowboy]

13 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@flowboy have that ever worked for you asking for a relationship right of the bat?

I didn't say "right off the bat"

I said: "when you know that you want it"

If you want it right off the bat, then you haven't spent enough time getting to know her, which means you are too desperate to check in with your own standards, and your desire is misaligned.

And yes, it's worked really well

Edited February 12, 2022 by flowboy

[hamedsf]

well, dating coaches always give a frame, like don't tell this before she does this, don't do this, before she tells this.

it's not a video game with strict algorithms to act within a certain frame. 

but ultimately, you can say that I'm not going to say her anything because she would feel pressured into having a relationship, but always make your interaction as a male sexual being to a female sexual being, not a brother to sister. 

Edited February 18, 2022 by hamedsf