Getting beaten by the Monster

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Tristan12 said:

 

Going out and socializing makes you feel better because you're avoiding your emotions. 

 

No, you clearly are infering things that you Dont know.

I've been diagnosed by my therapist as having social anxiety, so one of the "measures" I use to see if I am doing actual progress or not, is seeing how do I feel in certain social situations.

Do i feel contracted or expanded?

Do i feel inside my head or in my body?

Do i feel this overall shame/akwardness energy, or this light/good feeling energy?

Do i constantly thinking when i am in social situations "am i behaving in a correct manner/not weird" or i am just relaxed and doing What i want?

And of course, do I have to "push myself" to Talk to people or do I Effortlessly Talk to people out of pure genuine desire/wanting.

And What happens is that since 2 months ago I've been going out consistently and for the first time I am finding relief and feeling at last like "normal" around people. Basically What a small of benzo or phenibut would make me feel, But I am in that state now "naturally" with this routine.

Guess What, something that years reading books, doing trips, listening to self proclaimed self help gurus, youtubers, introspection, and a lot more of new age theories didnt do.

So excuse me if i am skeptic of this approach you are saying is the "neccesary" to do. Meanwhile years pass and there is a high Risk Life Will get more crude if I keep playing this pussy ego Game of always AVOIDING ACTION and wanting Life to be easy and handed to me. 

 

Edited February 13, 2022 by Javfly33

[Tristan12]

12 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

No, you clearly are infering things that you Dont know.

I've been diagnosed by my therapist as having social anxiety, so one of the "measures" I use to see if I am doing actual progress or not, is seeing how do I feel in certain social situations.

Do i feel contracted or expanded?

Do i feel inside my head or in my body?

Do i feel this overall shame/akwardness energy, or this light/good feeling energy?

Do i constantly thinking when i am in social situations "am i behaving in a correct manner/not weird" or i am just relaxed and doing What i want?

And of course, do I have to "push myself" to Talk to people or do I Effortlessly Talk to people out of pure genuine desire/wanting.

And What happens is that since 2 months ago I've been going out consistently and for the first time I am finding relief and feeling at last like "normal" around people. Basically What a small of benzo or phenibut would make me feel, But I am in that state now "naturally" with this routine.

Guess What, something that years reading books, doing trips, listening to self proclaimed self help gurus, youtubers, introspection, and a lot more of new age theories didnt do.

So excuse me if i am skeptic of this approach you are saying is the "neccesary" to do. Meanwhile years pass and there is a high Risk Life Will get more crude if I keep playing this pussy ego Game of always AVOIDING ACTION and wanting Life to be easy and handed to me. 

 

That's great if that works for you. I have struggled with social anxiety too and practicing talking to people always gave me limited results. It got easier but I would always still have some degree of discomfort around people and not being able to fully let go and be myself and i've never been able to get past that point just by talking to people. 

That's because with social anxiety and pretty much any other emotional issue there is always a deeper cause to it that needs to be addressed and resolved which is why I keep talking about doing the deep emotional work. Without that, even if the issue seems to be resolved on the surface it will still exist deep down. It will have the possibility of coming up again later, plus you will still be dealing with all the other issues of being emotionally wounded and separated from yourself. You haven't really solved the problem at the root.

Also, remember what I said about how the type of healing I am referring to is probably not something you've ever explored and few people know or talk about it. Most things that self help gurus or mental health professionals teach really isn't very good which is why you got limited results. That stuff never worked for me either.

Doing this deep inner work to resolve the issue at the core is the wiser decision because its the only way you'll solve the issue at the core. Doing this inner work is the real work that you do to resolve your issues, and its not easy, so its certainly not a case of being lazy, not taking action or expecting everything to be handed to you. It's quite the opposite. You are facing your pain and trauma head on rather than running from it.

But you do what works for you. That is just my opinion and perspective. 

[Peace-and-Love]

@Javfly33 The monster- your negative thoughts, beliefs, habits and behaviors come from your subconscious mind. Which controls 90% of your brain. While your conscious mind (will power, decision making) controls 10%.  Your subconscious mind starts developing in young childhood where you start to gather ideas, beliefs, habits and behaviors from experiences and things you observe around you from parents, friends, family members etc.  This is what forms who you are as a person. This “monster” you are labeling is you, your inner child.  We are our worst enemy but we can also be our own best friend. This inner child doesn’t need to be destroyed or hurt…it needs love, to heal, to let go, to be forgiven! 
 
Your inner child needs to heal- it can take time and is a multi-step process. Going to a hypnotist helps! Unraveling the negative feelings and where they are rooted from and how they started. Most negative emotions are started from some sort of lack of self love or self worth. 
 

I like to think of my emotions as a compass. The goal is to feel happy, peace, love and bliss- going in the right direction. And if you aren’t feeling well, unhappy, negative - something needs to be changed and shifted. I honor my negative emotions for letting me know what I don’t want, so I can go after the things in life I do want. These emotions are a guide that you deserve something better. 

 

Learning to control negative emotions can help. Deep breathing to calm down helps me alot. Find a technique that works for you- exercise, yoga, meditation, etc.

Negative emotions can also be triggered by food intake as well. Junk food does not help, and can induce issues for some individuals.  I found out several years ago I was allergic to wheat gluten and corn, which causes my thyroid to shut down and unable to process emotions properly. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for years because of something I ate. 
 

You are not alone in what you are experiencing. Everyone here in this forum has their own inner monsters/inner child’s they are healing. Be patient and kind with yourself when you are healing. You will get there! Best of luck to you! 
 

 

 

 

 

[Javfly33]

20 hours ago, Peace-and-Love said:

@Javfly33 The monster- your negative thoughts, beliefs, habits and behaviors come from your subconscious mind. Which controls 90% of your brain. While your conscious mind (will power, decision making) controls 10%.  Your subconscious mind starts developing in young childhood where you start to gather ideas, beliefs, habits and behaviors from experiences and things you observe around you from parents, friends, family members etc.  This is what forms who you are as a person. This “monster” you are labeling is you, your inner child.  We are our worst enemy but we can also be our own best friend. This inner child doesn’t need to be destroyed or hurt…it needs love, to heal, to let go, to be forgiven! 
 
Your inner child needs to heal- it can take time and is a multi-step process. Going to a hypnotist helps! Unraveling the negative feelings and where they are rooted from and how they started. Most negative emotions are started from some sort of lack of self love or self worth. 
 

I like to think of my emotions as a compass. The goal is to feel happy, peace, love and bliss- going in the right direction. And if you aren’t feeling well, unhappy, negative - something needs to be changed and shifted. I honor my negative emotions for letting me know what I don’t want, so I can go after the things in life I do want. These emotions are a guide that you deserve something better. 

??? Thats good i agree so much

 

The monster- your negative thoughts, beliefs, habits and behaviors come from your subconscious mind. Which controls 90% of your brain. While your conscious mind (will power, decision making) controls 10%.  

Thats also very true. We need to switch the percentages. 

Watch Sadghuru please. Guys we have to stop this victimhood mentality towards the Monster (or inner Child, which is an eufemism of the Monster to protect itself ?).

Sadghuru says It pretty clear imo:

"What has happened is that your intelligence has turned against you" 

"If you had the controls of this machine, wouldnt you create the best possible bliss for yourself?"

Imagine Sadghuru crying like a bitch hoping to finally "heal his inner Child" muahahhaha its just ridiculous guys. We are NOT the inner Child. We are not whatever fucked Up bullshit mechanism has taken the controls through the years. Just take the controls and generate / create What you want.

YES, its obviously better said than done, But no, lets stop feeding this narrative of "i have to take Care of "my" inner Child"). Sadghuru would laugh of having to heal any inner Child. He just get high AF when he wants because he has the controls. Hes not the Monsters bitch, as many of us are.

 

[Javfly33]

On 13/2/2022 at 9:39 PM, Tristan12 said:

That's great if that works for you. I have struggled with social anxiety too and practicing talking to people always gave me limited results. It got easier but I would always still have some degree of discomfort around people and not being able to fully let go and be myself and i've never been able to get past that point just by talking to people. 

That's because with social anxiety and pretty much any other emotional issue there is always a deeper cause to it that needs to be addressed and resolved which is why I keep talking about doing the deep emotional work. Without that, even if the issue seems to be resolved on the surface it will still exist deep down. It will have the possibility of coming up again later, plus you will still be dealing with all the other issues of being emotionally wounded and separated from yourself. You haven't really solved the problem at the root.

Also, remember what I said about how the type of healing I am referring to is probably not something you've ever explored and few people know or talk about it. Most things that self help gurus or mental health professionals teach really isn't very good which is why you got limited results. That stuff never worked for me either.

Doing this deep inner work to resolve the issue at the core is the wiser decision because its the only way you'll solve the issue at the core. Doing this inner work is the real work that you do to resolve your issues, and its not easy, so its certainly not a case of being lazy, not taking action or expecting everything to be handed to you. It's quite the opposite. You are facing your pain and trauma head on rather than running from it.

But you do what works for you. That is just my opinion and perspective. 

@Tristan12 I get What you mean, and there are some points that I agree (or I would used to agree) with in this your last post.

But consider:

"What if the endless narrative of 'i need to solve the underlying root issue' is actually a mechanism of the mind to not accept that the "Next step" might actually become confortable with stepping into tension, and overall, vibrating in more masculine type of energies"? (This IS just an example Regarding social anxiety)

For example, a guy that has never approached a Hot girl and wants to learn pick Up might think "oh man, I would really want be totally healed as a man or be like that Guy that has approached 3000 Girls, so I can approach her Absolutely calm and Safe like i would Talk to my grandma". Yet What the newbie might be missing is that this phase of Life might require to let go of wanting the "safe-nice-calm-femenine"  energy to be the whole of your reality, and actually become confortable (literally re-contextualize It in your karmic body as "good") with tension and resistance.

What i am suspecting lately is that social anxiety is a lack of integration (and love) of masculine energies, and over exageration of femenine energy in your karmic body. A lot of growth is Lost because there is this belief that masculine energies are bad .

 

[Federico del pueblo]

@Javfly33

Honestly, it doesn't matter how the fuck we call whatever is going on. Whether this is a inner child that needs healing, or trauma that needs to be overcome or the inner monster that needs to be killed.

Sure, our language should be chosen carefully, so we don't limit ourselves with it or make things harder because of how we call certain things (e.g. it's probably better to think "I have a bunch of weaknesses" than "I'm a complete loser"), but apart from that I'm not a big fan of becoming so fixated on words.

In the end all these words are still just maps. You haven't fixed anything just because you know your inner child needs healing (I know, you don't use that term anyway).

The fact of the matter is that there are problems and you need solutions right? Techniques or procedures that actually yield results right?

So have certain things already worked for you and what exactly has worked?

[Tristan12]

13 minutes ago, softlyblossoming said:

Why do I need to face my issues with some fancy shmancy method to heal them when enjoying the roof over my head, the company of my friends or the taste of this glass of water, or literally just releasing my bodily tensions and taking longer and deeper breaths, makes me feel better practically instantly? Are there any videos on your channel sharing this revolutionary new method, or is this one of the ones for the website with the pay wall?

That might work for you, but for a lot of people with more severe emotional issues those kinds of things will do nothing for them and they will continue to suffer. Also, regardless of whether that stuff makes you feel better or not, you are still missing out on SO much more you could have if you did the work to heal. By avoiding that deeper work you are just settling. Some people might be satisfied with that, but i'm not. You can't imagine how good you would feel and how good your life would be if you fully healed and released all of the emotional pain you store within yourself. Every little thing you do in your life would be incomparably better.

Also, I haven't released this method yet on my channel because I haven't finished creating it yet, but I know this depth of healing is possible. I don't plan on ever putting any of my information or methods behind a paywall and it will all be on my channel for free.

[Nahm]

@Tristan12

Much respect. ? 

[softlyblossoming]

17 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

regardless of whether that stuff makes you feel better or not, you are still missing out on SO much more you could have if you did the work to heal.

Good point, well made.

17 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

By avoiding that deeper work you are just settling.

This observation is 100% accurate.

18 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

Every little thing you do in your life would be incomparably better.

Motivational.

17 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

I don't plan on ever putting any of my information or methods behind a paywall and it will all be on my channel for free.

Say no more, you've got a new sub. Well, I was already subscribed, but you get the point, ahah .

I still haven't watched many of your videos, so I'm wondering if you could help me get started on them. Are there any videos on your channel you'd recommend someone with my dogmas check out? Or that Javfly should give a watch for his own growth? Cheers, Tristan.

I've read all of your replies in this thread and I really appreciate the dedication to supporting everyone here in spite of our oppositional reactions to your views. Often the most oppositional folks are the ones who most desperately need to hear what you have to say. All the best.

[Tristan12]

23 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Tristan12

Much respect. ? 

Thank you

[Tristan12]

12 minutes ago, softlyblossoming said:

I still haven't watched many of your videos, so I'm wondering if you could help me get started on them. Are there any videos on your channel you'd recommend someone with my dogmas check out? Or that Javfly should give a watch for his own growth? Cheers, Tristan.

Watch "The importance of understanding emotions and feeling". A lot of what I teach is based on having a deep understanding of emotions and how they work, and this video basically explains why that is so important and why mental health issues need to be solved through feeling and not through trying to rationalize anything or explain away your issues with logic.

Also "The importance of seeing yourself as multiple parts". This video is just an overall good understanding to have about emotional issues that I think everyone should know.

"What it really means to heal emotionally". This video explains why I think almost every healing technique out there is not real healing, just symptom relief, and it explains what I would consider to be real healing and what the healing process I am creating will lead to.

"You're hurt so much more than you think you are". Another overall good video to watch that can help you understand your emotional pain at a deeper level, why it exists and where its coming from, and it will really help you to empathize with yourself much more effectively.

21 minutes ago, softlyblossoming said:

I've read all of your replies in this thread and I really appreciate the dedication to supporting everyone here in spite of our oppositional reactions to your views. Often the most oppositional folks are the ones who most desperately need to hear what you have to say. All the best.

I really appreciate that. I am so used to getting attacked for things, and being opposed and told I'm wrong, (not always for issues like this but for other things in my life) and so it's nice to hear that someone appreciates me sticking with what I stay and not backing down.

[softlyblossoming]

That's great, @Tristan12. I'll watch all of those carefully.

48 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

Watch "The importance of understanding emotions and feeling". A lot of what I teach is based on having a deep understanding of emotions and how they work, and this video basically explains why that is so important and why mental health issues need to be solved through feeling and not through trying to rationalize anything or explain away your issues with logic.

I've a long history of being a big rationaliser and feeling-avoider, both before and very much during my spiritual path, so this sounds perfect for me ??

48 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

I really appreciate that. I am so used to getting attacked for things, and being opposed and told I'm wrong, (not always for issues like this but for other things in my life) and so it's nice to hear that someone appreciates me sticking with what I stay and not backing down.

I reckon that's most often because people are too lazy to write courteously, so I wouldn't take it personally . I also feel like certain people just respond better to the militaristic hyper-masculine writing style (e.g. "this is the real way that it is, here's why all of the other ways SUCK") because they're information overloaded, are chronic over-thinkers like yours truly , or are looking for some kind of an "ultimate final end all be all technique" that will get them enlightened as soon as possible and get scared off by answers that don't fit into the sort of black-and-white/perfectionistic world view that lead them to pursue such a fantasy (even though the most nuanced or (what I'd term) "spiritually politically correct" answers very often hold the most accurate descriptions for the way things are!). I feel like a big part of giving advice is meeting people where they're at, so that's how I try to communicate with the people who I feel I've genuinely got a shot at helping.

Speaking of personal trauma histories, I once spent 2 or 3 hours on a really sweet reply to someone's thread the same day it was posted and everything, only for them never to respond, and I've been a little bit jaded ever since, so that could be as much a factor as anything else .

Hey ho, at least one person got some value from all of this (me who's gonna watch those videos lol), right?

Have a wonderful day, Tristan, much love ???

Edited February 21, 2022 by softlyblossoming
missing word

[Tristan12]

@softlyblossoming Yeah that makes sense, and thank you  

[Federico del pueblo]

@softlyblossoming

@Tristan12

I think what this all boils down to is this:

The solution for one's emotional issues must be as deep as the emotional issues themselves. 

They can be deeper too, but they don't have to.

E.g. I know that I don't have to become enlightened to overcome certain emotional issues, but if I want to completely understand what reality is, then I have to become enlightened.

Like, when your social fears and Traumata are severe, "deep inner work" is necessary, emotional releases etc.

For someone else just "desensitizing" himself can be enough, because the fears are not so deeply rooted.

For some people positive thinking works. Like they can simply speak affirmations that basically are the opposite of their limiting beliefs and it works, after some time they have a more positive belief.

Another person with severe trauma tries the positive thinking approach and just gets traumatised even more because affirming the opposite of their trauma actually triggers the trauma emotions and not any positive emotions.

On 21.2.2022 at 4:23 AM, softlyblossoming said:

Speaking of personal trauma histories, I once spent 2 or 3 hours on a really sweet reply to someone's thread the same day it was posted and everything, only for them never to respond, and I've been a little bit jaded ever since,

Now I feel much better for having replied to your long posts in the other thread haha ? 

And I've had similar things too. Long elaborate posts. No answer. So I'm feeling like "dude, this posts contains everything you need to know, other people outside this forum might need years to gather this knowledge and you were probably just thinking 'meh...that's too much stuff, let's see if there are other techniques, I just want this one technique that instantly liberates me from everything without effort', so thanks a lot".

[Max8]

On 2/10/2022 at 2:42 AM, Javfly33 said:

I call the mixture between my beliefs, social anxiety, trauma, memories and self identity the "Monster".

I am trying to get Rid of the Monster.

I have realized recently that awareness is key to liberate myself from the Monster. Getting my prioritites straight is important to defeat the Monster.

The Monster is n1 priority.

Tonight i got close to feeling i felt again that shame/unworthiness/hate and I started crying desperarely begging the Monster to stop beating me. Because that is What the Monster does. What It has done all my Life. It Beats me to death with no mercy, It REALLY hates me.

I need to turn the tables. I need power over the Monster. I wont get mercy from him probably. It is a devil. It Will always beat me. Only way i win is if i beat him to death. 

How do I kill this motherfucker?

Damn you said monster in every line 
you must be super obsessed with THE MONSTER 

[Javfly33]

On 22/2/2022 at 9:00 PM, Max8 said:

Damn you said monster in every line 
you must be super obsessed with THE MONSTER 

A little bit haha

On 15/2/2022 at 2:21 AM, Federico del pueblo said:

@Javfly33

 

 Sorry cant unquote