Getting beaten by the Monster

[Javfly33]

I call the mixture between my beliefs, social anxiety, trauma, memories and self identity the "Monster".

I am trying to get Rid of the Monster.

I have realized recently that awareness is key to liberate myself from the Monster. Getting my prioritites straight is important to defeat the Monster.

The Monster is n1 priority.

Tonight i got close to feeling i felt again that shame/unworthiness/hate and I started crying desperarely begging the Monster to stop beating me. Because that is What the Monster does. What It has done all my Life. It Beats me to death with no mercy, It REALLY hates me.

I need to turn the tables. I need power over the Monster. I wont get mercy from him probably. It is a devil. It Will always beat me. Only way i win is if i beat him to death. 

How do I kill this motherfucker?

[Dabidoe]

Reframe the monster as part of you that you have to accept, confront and move beyond.

It's damn near impossible to get rid of bad thoughts but you can replace them with good thoughts.

Maybe you need to visualize a guardian, something more powerful than the monster.

[Tristan12]

Stop referring to and treating this part of you as a monster. I know how hard it can be to deal with but the more you hate it, resist it, push it away, the worse it will become. You need to understand that all of this pain that you hold within you is not trying to hurt you, it just appears that way. In reality this is your own trapped pain that is in your shadow. It appears separate from you and against you, but its not. It just needs your love and compassion because it is so hurt. The more you hate it and the more you run away from it, the more you are hurting it, and because it is a part of you, you feel it's pain. 

The solution to your problem is love, compassion and understanding towards the pain you hold within you. Understand that its not actually trying to hurt you, and use that to release your resistance to it. Let yourself be with and feel your negative emotions, and your pain will become much easier to deal with.

[ted73104]

Totally agree with @Tristan12

The monster is you, it is you who hates yourself. Perhaps you feel this monster exists, only because deep down inside you don't want to admit that the "monster" is actually just you. The monster desperately wants to become something else and get totally different results in life. However the real you doesn't have the energy and know-how to change, the monster cannot accept this. Therefore you're basically fighting yourself unconsciously, where one part of you just cannot accept certain parts of yourself, and the other doesn't possess the capability to transform/change and is getting beat up as a result.

To kill the monster, you have to love it, which is actually accepting yourself fully. You could probably begin by questioning the "monster" for what reasons it is mad and wants to beat you. Question the monster emotionally, try to feel into how the monster feels and what is motivating it to do this to you.

[roopepa]

You kill the monster by noticing the monster is a thought and it doesn't exist.

[Javfly33]

14 hours ago, ted73104 said:

Totally agree with @Tristan12

The monster is you, it is you who hates yourself. Perhaps you feel this monster exists, only because deep down inside you don't want to admit that the "monster" is actually just you. The monster desperately wants to become something else and get totally different results in life. However the real you doesn't have the energy and know-how to change, the monster cannot accept this. Therefore you're basically fighting yourself unconsciously, where one part of you just cannot accept certain parts of yourself, and the other doesn't possess the capability to transform/change and is getting beat up as a result.

To kill the monster, you have to love it, which is actually accepting yourself fully. You could probably begin by questioning the "monster" for what reasons it is mad and wants to beat you. Question the monster emotionally, try to feel into how the monster feels and what is motivating it to do this to you.

 Sorry guys, i appreaciate your answers and Im open minded to discussion But guys, @Tristan12 @ted73104 How isn't all of this new age parroting of the classical "accept yourself", "love your shadows", and of course the typical "you are guilty".

Read/listen to high Consciousness individuals such as Shunyamurti, Sadghuru, Tolle, or even Nahm here. They Will never Tell you "you are the Monster" or "you hate yourself". They actually always teach about separating Who you really are from the shadows/identity of the Monster. (The ego, in other words). One of Sadghurus famous explanations of Enlightment is "when you can separate from your intellect, the possibilities are endless".

See, I've done a shit ton of work Regarding "healing", "accepting my shadow", and crying like a bitch, in Psychedelics and What not. And you know What I think about It?, That is all the same Game, It never ends. The ego loves to feel special/hurt etc and It Will re-live this BS of shadow/healing/hate etc for ever. 

All Im saying is, maybe things doesnt work the way It works.

You might not agree with me, But actually contemplate if Sadghuru would ever Tell a narrative of victimhood in regards to the Monster (like the one you guys are making, believe It or not), or at the other hand he would preach that What i am is always free and powerful Now.

You Dont even have to go Sadghuru, just read Nahm's posts around here, they never have this new age victimhood taste narrative, But one of empowerement.

And also, to me What you guys are saying is mumbo Jumbo. I Dont see any practical advices.

Hope you take this message with a grain of salt, It goes with love and respect.i do appreaciate your help anyways. 

[Salvijus]

Become enlightened.

[Tristan12]

10 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

 Sorry guys, i appreaciate your answers and Im open minded to discussion But guys, @Tristan12 @ted73104 How isn't all of this new age parroting of the classical "accept yourself", "love your shadows", and of course the typical "you are guilty".

Read/listen to high Consciousness individuals such as Shunyamurti, Sadghuru, Tolle, or even Nahm here. They Will never Tell you "you are the Monster" or "you hate yourself". They actually always teach about separating Who you really are from the shadows/identity of the Monster. (The ego, in other words). One of Sadghurus famous explanations of Enlightment is "when you can separate from your intellect, the possibilities are endless".

See, I've done a shit ton of work Regarding "healing", "accepting my shadow", and crying like a bitch, in Psychedelics and What not. And you know What I think about It?, That is all the same Game, It never ends. The ego loves to feel special/hurt etc and It Will re-live this BS of shadow/healing/hate etc for ever. 

All Im saying is, maybe things doesnt work the way It works.

You might not agree with me, But actually contemplate if Sadghuru would ever Tell a narrative of victimhood in regards to the Monster (like the one you guys are making, believe It or not), or at the other hand he would preach that What i am is always free and powerful Now.

You Dont even have to go Sadghuru, just read Nahm's posts around here, they never have this new age victimhood taste narrative, But one of empowerement.

And also, to me What you guys are saying is mumbo Jumbo. I Dont see any practical advices.

Hope you take this message with a grain of salt, It goes with love and respect.i do appreaciate your help anyways. 

What I explained is not the same as just saying "love and accept yourself". It's not some hippy bs were you are just hoping that through positivity your shadows will melt away. What I explained comes from a deep understanding of emotions and the parts within the psyche, where the sort of pain, shame and dysfunctional behaviours you described come from, and what they need to reach resolve. I mean it doesn't take a genius to realize that what you need to be able to overcome pain, conflict, etc. is love and compassion and not more demonizing and fighting. There's nothing woo-woo about that.

What I described is basically the approach I recommend you take to be able to cope with your emotions and these issues better. There is separate work you need to do to fully heal and resolve them. The reason it feels like the pain and hurt never ends is because it is so deep rooted and its not easy to heal. It's not just that the ego loves feeling special and hurt. There is a good reason for all the pain you feel, you just don't see it because it is hidden from you deep in your shadow. Emotions will always be there for a good reason. Never think that they are just being dramatic or unnecessary.

All i'm saying is what I described earlier goes way deeper than what you seem to be interpreting and it's certainly not some hopeful positivity. It is based on a deep understanding of emotions and then working with them effectively to give them what they need and create a harmonious relationship with them. 

Personally I think a lot of spiritual teachings should be left out of emotional work as a lot of the time you end up just avoiding and bypassing your emotions and not getting to the root issue. Trust me, what I am talking about works. I have been studying this stuff for years, I use this approach of love and understanding towards myself and my emotions, and I 100% would not be alive today without it. I have no interest in basic hopeful positivity approaches, because that stuff doesn't work. I am only interested in deep, root solutions and what I am talking about is headed in that direction (like I said I talked about how to cope, not really how to heal. That is a whole other thing).

I don't know if you fully understood everything I said to interpret it that way, but I would say just try it out, and see how it makes you feel.

[Cireeric]

I would suggest you to read the book: Tame our Gremlin. To refer to it as a gremlin, rather than an monster would be a good beginning  You dont want to defeat it, but rather notice it and laugh about it, dont take it too seriously and also understanding where it comes from and that its not ultimately you.

[softlyblossoming]

On 09/02/2022 at 11:42 PM, Javfly33 said:

How do I kill this motherfucker?

@Javfly33 First of all, respect to that badass mindset, and I totally feel you. Does it feel like a separate entity, a kind of spiritual demon who is tormenting you, like in these images? Is it pure evil?

[Breakingthewall]

I feel identified. I got rid of the monster in one day, then it came back, but i already knew what it was... it was never the same and now it's not even a little monster. It was a short time ago, maybe half a year. I took 2 g of mushrooms, and I quickly saw that the thing was going to be unpleasant. As you say, I took a beating from the monster. I endured it stoically. Suddenly, in the middle of the mental torture, something became clear, obvious, evident. out of the void, out of absolute nothingness, my experience arose like a perfect diamond, something of celestial beauty and perfection. and there was "me" labeling, gutting that gem opining that this and that should have been, perhaps, a little different. in a matter of a second, the monster lost its poison completely. there it was, fluttering around me like a black and white movie, lifeless, a dead thought, nothing more. my mind was released, like never before. overall lightness. I went out into the street and the beauty of the sky, the color of the people walking through the center of the city, street musicians, was dazzling, wonderful. At the time, the little monster returned, but for a short time, weak. Yesterday for example, I came back driving 7 hours from a trip, and not a thought of those crossed my mind. something unthinkable before. the monster is nothing more than the should be activity that you print to everything. It is you, who from a wrong, aberrant perspective, print that stupid demand, learned, transmitted by others, of how reality should be. reality is, and "you" must remove your dissonance from it 

make the should be match to the micron with what it is, because this is the reality. what is is what should be. this has to be seen beyond logic. the monster is the dissonance between what should be and what is, an activity that you do continuously

Edited February 12, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Nahm]

On 2/9/2022 at 6:42 PM, Javfly33 said:

How do I kill this motherfucker?

What isn’t fed dies naturally. 

[Javfly33]

On 10/2/2022 at 6:28 PM, Tristan12 said:

 

What I described is basically the approach I recommend you take to be able to cope with your emotions and these issues better. There is separate work you need to do to fully heal and resolve them. 

Im kind of shocked that you use that "dependence" narrative, "you need to do this to fully heal". Bro, cmon. If the shadows or emotions IS not a "thing" we are, which I imagine you agree with me, then theres not such a thing as "I am still not healed". This whole thing is about You always have been powerful, free and allright, But a shadow (Monster) have been over you. Destroy the Monster and unveil the goodness/allrightness you always were, not invest time in healing something that is a freaking concept. 

 It is based on a deep understanding of emotions and then working with them effectively to give them what they need and create a harmonious relationship with them. 

Which are? Seems you are using circular answer and explanations here. What is this "Deep understanding"? Where is It? Im telling you, the Monster loves to invest time on "understand" itself. Its a perfect survival mechanism. 

Personally I think a lot of spiritual teachings should be left out of emotional work as a lot of the time you end up just avoiding and bypassing your emotions and not getting to the root issue.

I know definetely I've invested a shit ton of time "thinking, sorting out" things about myself. Have only made things worse. Monster stuff. The Monster loves to invest time talking about itself, healing itself...etc. 

Trust me, what I am talking about works. 

What is It that It works? 

 

[Javfly33]

23 hours ago, softlyblossoming said:

@Javfly33 First of all, respect to that badass mindset, and I totally feel you. Does it feel like a separate entity, a kind of spiritual demon who is tormenting you, like in these images? Is it pure evil?

Loved the pictures!

Answering your questions, no , It doesnt feel like a separate entity.

I basically name "The Monster" anything that happens in my Life which has this taste of self defeating/self hate/anxiety/unworthiness etc...

Each thought, belief, perspective, emotion, body feeling, etc that has any of these "tastes" its the Monster acting on me and throwing me a punch.

And when i act on my true desires and inner good feelings no Matter What the Monster Tells me, thats me throwing a good punch to the Monster ?????

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

What isn’t fed dies naturally. 

I agree. And how do i usually feed It? by accepting non-inspected Beliefs? @Nahm

Edited February 13, 2022 by Javfly33

[Tristan12]

18 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Im kind of shocked that you use that "dependence" narrative, "you need to do this to fully heal". Bro, cmon. If the shadows or emotions IS not a "thing" we are, which I imagine you agree with me, then theres not such a thing as "I am still not healed". This whole thing is about You always have been powerful, free and allright, But a shadow (Monster) have been over you. Destroy the Monster and unveil the goodness/allrightness you always were, not invest time in healing something that is a freaking concept. 

No, you are the shadow and emotion. It appears to be against you, but it is really not. This idea of you on your own being free and alright but then having this shadowy monster coming over you is a textbook description of an unintegrated shadow. In that state you are not whole and your happiness and contentment is an illusion, because part of yourself is still deeply hurt, which you can see by negative thoughts and feelings.

Based on how certain you seem that you need to destroy this thing and that healing is not an option, i'm not sure if we have the same idea of what this monster is that you're referring to, but if what you mean by it is trauma, memories, anxiety, negative beliefs (which you said in the beginning) then I stand by what I said and there is absolutely healing and integration that needs to occur.

23 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Which are? Seems you are using circular answer and explanations here. What is this "Deep understanding"? Where is It? Im telling you, the Monster loves to invest time on "understand" itself. Its a perfect survival mechanism. 

Where is it? You need to learn it. I could explain it to you or give you resources to learn it. I'm saying you need to learn how to work with your emotions more effectively and that will solve your problem, unless like I said we have a different idea of what this 'monster' is. I'm just surprised at how convinced you are that you need to destroy it.

26 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

What is It that It works? 

Everything I described lol. This attitude and perspective towards emotions.

[Nahm]

23 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

And how do i usually feed It? by accepting non-inspected Beliefs?

The ‘monster story’ etc. Essentially, focus. Aversion. 

[Javfly33]

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

The ‘monster story’ etc. Essentially, focus. Aversion. 

@Nahm That´s interesting. I was reflecting some weeks ago that, yeah, indeed, the "monster" is already another 'story'. It's ultimately false, YES, but I need it , it's a false pilar to construct the life I want. 

You don't get it (please don't take it the bad way, you have helped me a lot ):  I can meditate everything I can but one day I might be in a situation and experience bad feelings/emotions/energy and that's it. Again the "monster" got me. It's still there. Behind me. Inside me. 

For example, people that have PTSD could meditate and let of of all the thoughts they want but if (for example) they are driving and hear a small explosion of a firecracker that might get almost a heart attack). That's the 'monster' inside them. They can become very "thought-free' but the PTSD is inside and it will still get triggered. (In this sense, I agree with @Tristan12 . I just don't agree with you buddy in the way that I can "make peace with the monster". I think I just have to declare it war for ever)

In the same way of the PTSD, @Nahm in my case I have a different type of monster. And If I ignore it (let of of the "monster story") it won't disappear. 

10 hours ago, Tristan12 said:

Based on how certain you seem that you need to destroy this thing and that healing is not an option, i'm not sure if we have the same idea of what this monster is that you're referring to, but if what you mean by it is trauma, memories, anxiety, negative beliefs (which you said in the beginning) then I stand by what I said and there is absolutely healing and integration that needs to occur.

Then why doing several psychedelic trips, going to therapy, introspecton, etc...haven´t healed my monster and yet going out and socialize each day (with no thinking, idea of "healing", etc) has been the only way that has provided me relief and hope I will be free of this? (I am actually free each day for some time already). 

@Tristan12 Seems that when I go out it´s just me creating what I want, elevating my energy to a one of creation/power/freedom. In this energy, 'healing', 'inner child', 'emotions' etc seem like doesn't match with this new energy. It seems these are concepts of egos that are stuck in lower energies. 

In my view, IT´s a all a story that God is imagining. God is imagining energies, and also concepts and words related to this energies. Such as that a concept of "healing" , "shadow" or "trauma" only matches a story of victimhood and stuckness. Which are concepts that match low vibrations such as unworthiness, impotence, frustration...etc  In my theory , to actually "heal", you literally have to let go of the narrative that you need to heal.

So basically what I am saying is that in a sense, your perspective of healing it is crucial and useful at some point in the road, but at some other point later it might have to be let go of.

 

Edited February 13, 2022 by Javfly33

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

That´s interesting. I was reflecting some weeks ago that, yeah, indeed, the "monster" is already another 'story'. It's ultimately false, YES, but I need it , it's a false pilar to construct the life I want. 

There isn’t a monster though, there isn’t a you and an it (the monster). Try to physically point to ‘it’, and ‘it’ is realized to essentially be thoughts, and how thoughts feel, to you. 

Quote

You don't get it (please don't take it the bad way, you have helped me a lot ):  I can meditate everything I can but one day I might be in a situation and experience bad feelings/emotions/energy and that's it. Again the "monster" got me. It's still there. Behind me. Inside me. 

Indeed, I definitely don’t get it.

That there is a me and an it, is also just a thought / the thought that there is a me & an it. I’d let go of that there is an ‘it’, and of ‘getting it’, and just simply acknowledge x thought / thinking feels discordant, y feels better, and focus accordingly. 

Notice the activity of ‘one day I might…..’ and then there is discord felt, and notice, ‘one day I might….’ Is thought arising now… and is not actually ‘one day’, but is now. 

Feeling, emotion, energy, is not bad. Ever. If it’s discordant - it’s the thought focused on. The ‘solution’, is that there already is no problem… just judging feeling / emotion as, ‘bad’. That is a thought which does not resonate because - the thought is about yourself, and you’re infinitely Good. ?

Again, point to ‘the monster’ to dispell the belief and the projection of self judgement onto ‘something else’ as the ‘cause’. 

Quote

For example, people that have PTSD could meditate and let of of all the thoughts they want but if (for example) they are driving and hear a small explosion of a firecracker that might get almost a heart attack). That's the 'monster' inside them. They can become very "thought-free' but the PTSD is inside and it will still get triggered. (In this sense, I agree with @Tristan12 . I just don't agree with you buddy in the way that I can "make peace with the monster". I think I just have to declare it war for ever)

In the same way of the PTSD, @Nahm in my case I have a different type of monster. And If I ignore it (let of of the "monster story") it won't disappear. 

‘People that have’… is a thought. There is no such thing at all as people who have. It’s only the believing of the thought. bring it ‘back home’ - what am I focused on, right now, which feels discordant - and recognize it’s always - a thought. 

Projecting that there are monsters inside of other people doubles the discord, and is a denial that the thought is what doesn’t feel good. Justifying just isn’t helpful / doesn’t feel better. It’s a justifying of, the very discord with the thought. 

Letting go is priceless, invaluable, and is self evident mental & emotional healing in that it feels good. Good feeling needs no justification. 

PTSD is nothing to joke about or make light of. And is a label, which when ‘peeled away’, reveals some thoughts (almost always self referential) are discordant. 

‘The monster’ can not be ‘made peace with’. Discord can not be ‘made peace with’, as discord is a thought which is discordant with, the eternal peace that you in fact, are. 

‘The monster’ also can not be ignored, because you’re feeling the discord or alignment of thoughts… and ‘the monster’ is … a thought. 

‘The monster’ also can not and will not ‘disappear’, because it’s a thought about a monster, and not, a monster. 

The only resolution to discordant thinking is, letting go of focusing on and believing, discordant thinking. 

 

Inwardly… “is this the experience I want to be focusing on & creating.. yes or no”? 

Let the dreamboard ‘do the work’ for you. 

[Tristan12]

5 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

For example, people that have PTSD could meditate and let of of all the thoughts they want but if (for example) they are driving and hear a small explosion of a firecracker that might get almost a heart attack). That's the 'monster' inside them. They can become very "thought-free' but the PTSD is inside and it will still get triggered. (In this sense, I agree with @Tristan12 . I just don't agree with you buddy in the way that I can "make peace with the monster". I think I just have to declare it war for ever)

PTSD and trauma are just blocked emotions that need to come out and be processed and released. Triggers occur because the hurt emotion still exists within you and you haven't released it yet. You certainly won't release and heal it by declaring war with it. It needs love and compassion.

5 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

Then why doing several psychedelic trips, going to therapy, introspecton, etc...haven´t healed my monster and yet going out and socialize each day (with no thinking, idea of "healing", etc) has been the only way that has provided me relief and hope I will be free of this? (I am actually free each day for some time already). 

@Tristan12 Seems that when I go out it´s just me creating what I want, elevating my energy to a one of creation/power/freedom. In this energy, 'healing', 'inner child', 'emotions' etc seem like doesn't match with this new energy. It seems these are concepts of egos that are stuck in lower energies. 

Going out and socializing makes you feel better because you're avoiding your emotions. It's the same as watching tv, playing video games, eating junk food, getting obsessed with work, working out. Anything other than directly facing your emotions is just an avoidance mechanism, even things that people usually see as being good for mental health like working out. You feel relieved when you go out because you're avoiding and distracting yourself from your emotions, but in reality they still exist within you and they always will until you deal with them properly.

5 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

In my view, IT´s a all a story that God is imagining. God is imagining energies, and also concepts and words related to this energies. Such as that a concept of "healing" , "shadow" or "trauma" only matches a story of victimhood and stuckness. Which are concepts that match low vibrations such as unworthiness, impotence, frustration...etc  In my theory , to actually "heal", you literally have to let go of the narrative that you need to heal.

So basically what I am saying is that in a sense, your perspective of healing it is crucial and useful at some point in the road, but at some other point later it might have to be let go of.

I totally get what you're saying about healing being so difficult, and wondering why doing trips and going to therapy hasn't done much for you. It's because healing can be very difficult, you're right about that, but it doesn't mean there is no solution in it at all. The mental health issues I have are very severe and pretty much no healing or trauma release technique i've tried has done much for me.

I've been studying this stuff for years and I have discovered this area of healing that most people don't know about or cover. I am creating a healing technique based on these understandings, and it is intended to heal emotional issues at the very root. The understandings I have gained have felt more accurate than anything else I have found (in terms of explaining why I feel the way I do and why I have these issues) and I understand what needs to happen for me to actually heal, and I can see that barely any healing techniques out there provide that, so of course I haven't healed. My point being is that from everything i've learned over my years of study and research, I know 100% that there is a solution to these problems that involves facing them head on and not trying to escape them, and it will heal you completely, the problem is that most solutions to mental health issues today are so ineffective and will not provide this type of healing for you, so of course it seems like none of it works.

if you are dealing with difficult negative emotions, then there is something within you that you need to face and heal. emotions are intelligent and will always be there for a good reason. If you decide to just cut yourself off from them and escape from them, nothing will get resolved, you will still have a huge part of yourself in your shadow, you will not be whole or authentic, and a part of you will always still be hurt so you will never truly be happy.

Do not run from these emotions. It seems to me you are fed up with trying to face them and you just want to destroy them now because nothing has worked for you in the past. I promise you there is a root solution to this problem that is done by facing them that is much, much healthier than trying to avoid or destroy them. I don't think avoiding or destroying them would ever really work anyways, at least not long term. Either it would all come back up to the surface or you would be so extremely cut off from a part of yourself and so fragmented and inauthentic that you would never really be able to be happy no matter what you do.

[Breakingthewall]

another thing that I have noticed with this monster, is that once you manage to accept things as they are, without printing all the time that should be, I mean, when you realize that the only thing that exists is what there is, and that's it, you begin to understand it in a way that is outside of logic and thought, and you begin to find the greatest beauty is precisely what before seemed aberrational to you. 

are the brushstrokes of true art that have been given to the entire painting