when i kill myself, my parents won't stay back and suffer?

[Gregory1]

3 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

    While attempting to answer this question from a existence point of view, whether reality is Solipsistic or panpsychism, is open to interpretation and debate, one thing is certain to me.

   Committing suicide is extremely foolish and impractical in context. Given what partial context you've said here, about your family's financial situation, well your suicide will add more to their financial burden on top of whatever they are going through now, paying off mortgages, looking for a job ect. Now they have to pay for a funeral service, for a casket to put your body in to bury you, pay for the grave stone and place of burial, or thet pay for the cremation, the pot they put your ashes in. Not to mention that if they can't pay, they have to loan your funeral costs, which puts your parents and siblings into further debt, maintaining the financial nightmare they are in after your death in the first place.

   Also, the suicide willl negatively impact their psychological wellbeing. You would effectively put them into the grief cycle, and some people with different personality types, grief different and sometimes grief longer or a few do not ever recover from a loss.

   Like others have said, get professional help asap, hook a therapist, suicide hotline if you need to. Next thing, is to tell us more about your situation with yourself and family that led to this sucidal thinking. More for context, and to get a more tailored advice to your circumstance.

This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body.

But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents.

I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.

 

[RMQualtrough]

25 minutes ago, Gregory1 said:

This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body.

But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents.

I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.

 

The cost for the whole funeral thing is easily $3000.

[Breakingthewall]

The thing is: if you're willing to die, if your life doesn't matter to you, why not find a warm beach, hang a hammock between two trees, and wait whatever time it takes, 20, 30 years, doing absolutely nothing, eating some coconuts or whatever they give you, and looking at the clouds and the sea?

[Gregory1]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

The thing is: if you're willing to die, if your life doesn't matter to you, why not find a warm beach, hang a hammock between two trees, and wait whatever time it takes, 20, 30 years, doing absolutely nothing, eating some coconuts or whatever they give you, and looking at the clouds and the sea?

@Breakingthewall

Beautifully said. Unfortunately I doubt people will throw coconuts at you when you do that^^

 

[Zeroguy]

of course they will.Don't fall for "enlightenment" the way Leo presenting it to you.

[Nahm]

Concern for suffering on behalf of the parentals does not arise randomly, coincidently, illogically nor by chance, but of respect, for the bond. 

There is no they which is “toxic”. 

They love you, with a love that is out of this world. Truly ineffable. 

Allow the receiving of that love. 

Go to that bond. Talk with them, or with someone who sincerely feels, knows, and understands this bond is among us all. 

Express, empty of your troubles. Express, and in doing so the weight is put down. 

Godspeed. 

?

[Zeroguy]

12 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Concern for suffering on behalf of the parentals does not arise randomly, coincidently, illogically nor by chance, but of respect, for the bond. 

There is no they which is “toxic”. 

They love you, with a love that is out of this world. Truly ineffable. 

Allow the receiving of that love. 

Go to that bond. Talk with them, or with someone who sincerely feels, knows, and understands this bond is among us all. 

Express, empty of your troubles. Express, and in doing so the weight is put down. 

Godspeed. 

?

nicely put.

[blankisomeone]

I hate my parents

They’re constantly fighting with each other, they don’t respect each other. I’m done with stress

I hate that my dad smokes and doesn’t respect me

idk why I’m holding on to them…

If they suffer my death so be it. I hope I get eternal peace. I rly rly rly rly need it, that’s what I’m doing this FOR, I hope I don’t get something other than peace, man. That would really SUCKKK

my dads car is just waiting outside for me to hop in it and drive to Rio-Niterói bridge I don’t know why I don’t just do it. I mean people do this all the time right?

I really appreciate you guys replies to my post, thank you so much I cried rivers, but unfortunately your words are just comfort words for me that help tide me over another day, I’m not getting some permanent healing from them, it’s just nice to read and it brings me relief but it’s nothing that lasts and I need something that lasts. What am I supposed to do? Just come to this forum every day begging for nice words so I feel better for getting some loving attention?

I feel like I’m spiraling out of reality with my thoughts and everyone is becoming distant. I need to feel connected

Edited February 10, 2022 by blankisomeone

[This]

I like to think that when i die, the world dies with me. I won't know if anyone mourns me or not, and i won't care.

It will be there for others. Only i won't know that, because i'll be dead.

I also think that any kind of existence beats non existence. I've made no deals with anyone, existence is free of charge. It seems like non-existence has no upside, at least in existence, there's something going on. Even if it's shit.

I've noticed something as simple as not remembering to eat and drink can cause all sorts of emotional turmoil.

 

[Danioover9000]

@Gregory1

13 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body.

But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents.

I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.

 

   Yes, financially speaking a living human being in a society has it's benefits and costs, but context is needed tk further determine the cost benefit ratio of a living being. Keeping a human being alive in a medical center is different from the costs of generally living in a 3rd world, which is different from living in a 1st world ect.

   The financial aspect is complicated, but at other situations it can be really expensive to bury a body because it creates some demand for available land,  which is why graveyards and cemeteries exist, but we won't have enough land for burial at some point. Cremation is slightly cheaper, but they used coal fuels some electricity and oil to power up the machinery needed to heat up the remains, and that is expensive in another way materially. Another option is to cremation and converting the loved one's remains into diamonds, but that doesn't really make much money to cover the funeral costs because the amount of diamonds made would be at most 5 small pieces, and price of those diamonds are subjected to haggling and stuff, and the process is even more expensive to pay upfront.

   Go seek a professional and go to the suicide hotline if you have to. Personally, when I stop to tuink about the horrors of mankind and it's past history, and the existence of a hell the the other side, is mostly enough for me to kill off suicidal thoughts in my head and move on in life thinking posituvely afterwards, being grateful for my own life and my circumstances, bad and good in comparison to other people. Therapy is also good, sometimes pricey and emotionally laborious but it's great to vommit some of your negativity onto a professional.

   

 

Edited February 10, 2022 by Danioover9000

[JuliusCaesar]

6 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

I hate my parents

They’re constantly fighting with each other, they don’t respect each other. I’m done with stress

I hate that my dad smokes and doesn’t respect me

idk why I’m holding on to them…

You don't care about your parents, that's okay. But are you actually certain that you want to leave this world? That there's nothing more you want to do or experience? This dream affords many possibilities. Think of all the sexual escapades you could go on. The challenges you could overcome, the enemies you could conquer, the things you could achieve. You're telling me you honestly want to leave all that behind?

 

 

6 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

my dads car is just waiting outside for me to hop in it and drive to Rio-Niterói bridge I don’t know why I don’t just do it. I mean people do this all the time right?

Losers do it all the time because they're too weak to deal with their existence so they think they can put an end to it and that'll fix the problem. Little do they know that they're immortal, have always existed, and will always exist.

 

6 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

I really appreciate you guys replies to my post, thank you so much I cried rivers, but unfortunately your words are just comfort words for me that help tide me over another day, I’m not getting some permanent healing from them, it’s just nice to read and it brings me relief but it’s nothing that lasts and I need something that lasts. What am I supposed to do? Just come to this forum every day begging for nice words so I feel better for getting some loving attention?

I'm certain that you're strong enough not to require our validation in order to continue your existence. What's the most positive thing you've experienced, and the best relationship you've had with another human? Whoever they are is likely to be better suited to helping you than some strangers on the internet.

 

6 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

I feel like I’m spiraling out of reality with my thoughts and everyone is becoming distant. I need to feel connected

If anything this is proof you don't really want to commit suicide. All you really want is love from others, but have you considered that maybe others would be more loving of you if you become more loving of them?

 

 

[blessedlion1993]

Brother, if you are reading this you are going to make it through, there will come a day when you are sitting in the sun naked with a beautiful partner the waves crashing and only a stillness in your mind and your heart wide open. Your eyes will swell with tears when you think back to all the things you went through and how you ALMOST ended it all, and are so glad that you didn't. You look forward to the barbeque dinner you will be having with close friends that evening and the laughter you will share. Your partner cuddles up to you even closer and her touch melts your soul. She wouldn't have fit like this with anyone else, it needed to be you. You have infinite gratitude for being an absolute warrior of life and realize that even that pain you had to go through was necessary to get you to where you are today. Even your parents have changed their ways and live in more love after seeing how much their son has transformed and the impeccable quality of his heart. 

Stay strong, the world needs you.

[puporing]

@blankisomeone Duuuuude, I was in your shoes 7 years ago. And I'm still here now. Yes, it was a great big struggle you could say, and very lonely because almost nobody understands what you went through regarding your family of origin, but loving and reasonable people are out there sprinkled around in the universe, including some of the ones responding to you right now. You can make it. Move away from your parents, move away to another city. Do not let them guilt you about moving away (they will probably try).

You have a lot of trauma to then heal from. This healing process does not happen overnight, it takes years of seeking various therapists, self-therapy, reading books, finding advocates (I recommend Daniel Mackler who you may resonate with, Gabor Mate, and the movie Shine to you). Meanwhile, face the practical challenges of life. Yes, you may have to work some shitty jobs to get by at first. But things will get better if you can separate yourself first from your family of origin. I'm so sorry you deserved better parents all and all. Please talk to a distress line person, they're there for you if you need to vent and feel heard. 

[PurpleTree]

i think before you attempt suicide you should exhaust all other options

that includes therapy, group therapy, medication, psychedelics, leaving your parents and living somewhere else, traveling to interesting countries, helping other people etc. etc.

Edited February 11, 2022 by PurpleTree

[Leilani]

I know that feeling intimately. I was desperately suicidal at one point for quite some time. I would impulsively jump in front of cars, jump out of cars on the freeway. That feeling of pain is so acute that relief feels like jumping out of a car on the freeway. Try and feel it and be there for it if you can. Reassure yourself it makes sense you feel this way and you are going to be there for the emotion and won't make it sit in that pain alone. You did a wonderful thing by reaching out and asking for help. That's big. After sitting with it for a bit go for a walk watch a funny show and please know many people have walked that road and got out the other side. It's important that you know there is hope. You will be able to intimately understand what its like to go through this pain and come out the other side. 

Edited February 13, 2022 by Leilani

[Fearless_Bum]

@blankisomeone Hey man, had similar experience with family members. I get the constant stress, sense of urgency, arguments, dense feeling in the air all the time, the tension between what you desire and your parents putting you down. 

Bring the light into your life, get your shit together, cooperate with your parents, if your parents see you got your shit together they will eventually respect you it doesnt matter what. No one else is gonna give you that "light" only you can bring the healing and love into your life, and maybe others will be inspired. 

Give them time and respect they are "children" too like you, also healing and learning on the path. 

If you cooperate with the situation youre in, take care of yourself, and get excited to create what you want, trust me opportunities will come for you to move on from that. 

If you want a personal testimonial feel free to pm me .

[Jakuchu]

Try to see the humor in all of it

Also nature looks beautiful around Rio, how about hiking some of the trails? 

[Sobanya]

Your pain is not permanent and nor is it so important as you think right now.

I guess that your suffering is caused by too much karma in this period of your life. The stress, your parents, spiritual concepts, emotional exhaustion, guilt and fear. All these different things work themselves out in you and create inner conflicts which are not a pleasant experience. It's only natural that you want to go away and have a rest somewhere outside of your mind.

So please find a way to give yourself some rest. Forgive yourself for being the way you are right now. Forgive your parents for not being aware of their ignorance. Let yourself to forget about the future for a few days. Nothing in this world matters as much as your willing to thrive and be happy, so defend it at all costs. It's like the only thing we have

[Javfly33]

The only reason i Didnt kill myself last year was because of my mother, so It better must be real ??