when i kill myself, my parents won't stay back and suffer?

[Phoenix11]

@blankisomeone You say your parents already in a crisis and are already working hard to pass the difficult phase, please consider how much more problems you will add to their worries. I think you should give some thought on how you can help improve the family situation. Slowly but surely things will happen, just need to start taking small steps. 

 

This is just a difficult phase, please think yes to life, better times are to come.

[Johnny Galt]

Don't do it! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmKtyeQ9Ikk (Jordan Peterson's Advice To Suicidal Fan During Q&A)

Edited February 9, 2022 by Johnny Galt

[Johnny Galt]

@blankisomeone

4 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

and spirituality is making me have second thoughts about killing myself because now I’m open to the idea of an after death state, and that it won’t be the end, it’ll likely just be a transition maybe to something worse (which adds a loooooot of existential dread on top of everything. Ugh, this weighs on my heart more than anything)

There are causes and effects here and into the after life, and so, sure, life is eternal, and yet there are ramifications which you will have to deal with eventually. 

Along with seeking out help/guidance, If you can go to nature, each day, do it! and if you can build a fire, do it, sit infront of a fire each day and just be with nature. Fire can help to burn away much more then just wood.

Edited February 9, 2022 by Johnny Galt

[axiom]

1 hour ago, blankisomeone said:

Ive disconnected from all friends.

I don’t like my personality.

idk what I’ll do.

I’m crying so much it feels like my lungs are eating themselves up. 

When I think of the future i feel like I can’t handle it.

And my sins of procrastination, isolation, arrogance, etc.. I don’t like myself.

It sounds like you're picturing the perfect, as-yet unrealised version of yourself and you feel you're falling short.

This happens when you have too much time to think about yourself. Common cause and effect of depression.

Here's the secret: You need a radical change of focus from YOU to OTHERS. Today.

While you show concern for *others*, you won't have time to be concerned about *yourself*. If you find your thoughts drifting back to your own imaginary shortcomings, then: a) recognise what it is that you're doing; and b) think instead about what you can do to make the lives of others better or more pleasant. Be helpful to others. Daydream about what they might want in their lives. Make it a habit to think of others *instead* of yourself, and help out where you can. Even something as simple as volunteering to do the shopping or making them a cup of coffee. Be a good listener.

After a couple of weeks of the above, I guarantee you'll realise that you're becoming much, much, much happier, and it will happen almost entirely as a side effect of NOT thinking about yourself. Thinking about ourselves too much makes us all damn miserable. 

[RMQualtrough]

You're here because you don't want to kill yourself. You should be booking an appointment to a psychiatrist instead.

[puporing]

5 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

I don’t know. But anyways, after death doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m sick right now. I’m crying so much it feels like my lungs are eating yhemselves up. And when I think of my parents it makes me wanna throw up because of how ungrateful I am

and when I think of the future i feel like I can’t handle iT

And my sins of procrastination, isolation, arrogance, etc.. I don’t like myself

You're going through a painful moment in your life, it may not seem like it, but you can work your way out of this, maybe it'll take some time to, but accept that you're in pain and be kinder to yourself. Let that voice inside you come out and be heard, whatever it wants to say and hasn't been able to. You're not wrong for feeling pain/sufferring. You're not wrong for being in this state whatever/however things came to this point. It sounds like you have empathy, and that's why you feel so much guilt. You deserve more love not less. I hope you can find some of that here, and maybe a professional who can understand your story better.

[Whatever]

7 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

I really don't want them to suffer because I did it

they've tried really hard all their life and i dont want them to think its their fault or something

am i imagining the whole thing? will they be alright?

 

 

Leo might see life as a meaningless videogame where you pop right back after you die but consider this, he used to be videogame developer. And doesnt seem to have lot of people skills or ability for compassion or empathy or to see meaningfullness of life. That doesnt tell anything about reality or God, that tells something about him. Dont let him take your parents away from you. He doesnt know what he is talking about. He "has answers" and is only considering you as "it" not as "you", giving you the answers. Your parents would be in great pain because they love you and regardless of what people say here, love is not indifferent or violent.. Leo has answers (bad ones imo) but your parents ARE the answer. Answer to why you should hang on, thru them God is loving you deeply and especially when you are suffering. 

Talk to your parents, talk to anyone close to you. Stop this spiritual solo project and allow yourself to be human, in need of an helping hand. We are so deeply dependent on eachother. And you do matter.

 

Edited February 9, 2022 by Whatever

[Breakingthewall]

according to all spiritual traditions this life is a kind of test, and there is reincarnation. This cannot be known, but if even the Buddha said it, we are not going to throw it to the ground either. according to that theory, if you take the shortcut and don't do your homework, there will be very unpleasant consequences for "you". what you have to do is fight for your life, and that's it. you have nothing to lose and there is nothing better to do

[Batman]

First of all, suicide is futile. It is just another way of getting to an alleged better state or experience. What you are missing is that every experience and every state, including death or blissful ecstasy, only appears within that which is already perfect, free, blissful, complete, happy. Your longing for better state is precisely how Absolute Freedom expresses itself. So it does not matter what you will do, it will never get you anything. 

Second, no, your parents will not suffer because there is no you to begin with. All relationships are illusion. Your parents are Nothing, pretending to be some separate form, which can form bonds with other forms, just like you. However, within this illusion of relationship suffering may arise due to the attachment to relationships. When Nothing is formed as a human organism, it tends to fall under the spell of separateness, which "hides" the simple truth that everything that exists is how Nothing manifests. In other words, you and your parents are not really separate, but suffering or emotional pain can appear to happen, although no one really suffer.

Third, life is mystery dancing as form. There is nothing to gain or get or acheive from it. You can either fight the dance and try to create the next better state or experience, or surrender to what already is, which is the case, and let life continue its dance without separateness and seeking.

Edited February 9, 2022 by Batman

[Mosess]

it sounds like you are going through dark night of the soul.

search it up on google and youtube,

its just a phase where the ego is burning, which is another way to describe how you could be feeling.

you are awakening to yourself, embrace the process, this is one of the hardest parts of the awakening journey

Good fortune awaits you my friend,

embrace this phase as much as possible

?

12 hours ago, blankisomeone said:

when I think of the future i feel like I can’t handle iT

Do not trust thoughts at all in this phase, 

Trust that there is a calling for you, that is slowly unfolding. 

[roopepa]

There is nothing in death that cannot be in life. There is no benefit in suicide.

You can be at peace and feel awesome right here in life. You can have it all, because you are home and you are free.

Do not underestimate the power of simply opening up. You got nothing to lose in being open and expressing emotions. You matter, and each one of us encourage you to talk to someone.

[Buba]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@blankisomeone Just tough it out. Embrace the challenge of life. Later you'll be glad you did.

Just because life gets hard is no reason to kill yourself. It's a time to reflect and rethink your lifestyle and future.

Is there a reason not to kill ourselves aside moral ones?

[Kksd74628]

@Buba

To continue playing the game and finding rewards that you have suffered for. If you now restart the game these challenges would come again. Almost always after very deep suffering comes big growth and that is life's cycle. When you play the game play it to the end or otherwise there could be lot of that you miss out.

[JuliusCaesar]

It astounds me the extent to which the dream characters are ineffective with their words. See, when death occurs the mind expands everywhere(meaning you become God as God is everywhere. So there's nothing wrong with killing yourself, but keep in mind that you don't need to physically die to experience that. If you physically kill yourself permanently, as I'm sure you know all you'll accomplish is inflicting suffering upon the loved ones you leave behind as they'll experience your loss as real. So kill yourself with psychedelics instead(not physical death), and if that's not an option, just meditate(that'll kill you as well if you do it enough).

[Fearless_Bum]

@blankisomeone Reach out and talk to people, accept love from everyone. 

Youre not alone in this, theres people everywhere that can help you and you can grow together. Dont let spiritual arrogance blind you from the obvious love your parents and friends have for you. 

I spent years in the isolated / suicidal spiritual ego stuff, it doesnt feel good and it doesnt work it just doesnt. I isolated myself due to labelling them as low consciousness and grew up bitter and lonely for a long time. 

Please consider surrendering that arrogance, that may be what leads to self isolation and then feeling stuck in life. You can certainly be a light in this world, you are already, share that with others. 

When we think that we are the spiritual people and everyone else wouldnt understand, we are unintentionally isolating ourselves from the wisdom and love that others have to offer. 

What friends/people do you have around you?

What groups or places do you go to that have people there?

What life do you want? 

[Jakuchu]

3 minutes ago, blankisomeone said:

Is it possible that they send the police to me? I‘d hate that

I am sure they are not gonna do anything against your will 

[BipolarGrowth]

7 minutes ago, blankisomeone said:

Is it possible that they send the police to me? I‘d hate that

I don’t think that’s how these hotlines work. I called them at a low point a couple times, and the guy I talked to in the instance I have some memory of was quite helpful. 
 

As far as some advice goes, I’d like to remind you that you’ve already spent many years suffering through this world to learn how it works. Imagine killing yourself to only find yourself in a similar or even worse situation without those years of familiarity with the system of how things work. You can totally turn your life around. I say this as someone with three clinical diagnoses who has fixed his own serious depression issues. 

Edited February 9, 2022 by BipolarGrowth

[Nahm]

@blankisomeone

No, they just wanna help you. Heck man, we all wanna help ya! They aren’t looking to do or say anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. 

I would just dial, call now, and not think too much about it. Just hear what they have to say. 

[Gregory1]

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@blankisomeone

No, they just wanna help you. Heck man, we all wanna help ya! They aren’t looking to do or say anything that would make you feel uncomfortable. 

I would just dial, call now, and not think too much about it. Just hear what they have to say. 

This.

Life can be hard.

I know that feeling of going to bed, wishing you'll never wake up again. Not enough love in the world. Or maybe I'm too blind to see it.

[Danioover9000]

    While attempting to answer this question from a existence point of view, whether reality is Solipsistic or panpsychism, is open to interpretation and debate, one thing is certain to me.

   Committing suicide is extremely foolish and impractical in context. Given what partial context you've said here, about your family's financial situation, well your suicide will add more to their financial burden on top of whatever they are going through now, paying off mortgages, looking for a job ect. Now they have to pay for a funeral service, for a casket to put your body in to bury you, pay for the grave stone and place of burial, or thet pay for the cremation, the pot they put your ashes in. Not to mention that if they can't pay, they have to loan your funeral costs, which puts your parents and siblings into further debt, maintaining the financial nightmare they are in after your death in the first place.

   Also, the suicide willl negatively impact their psychological wellbeing. You would effectively put them into the grief cycle, and some people with different personality types, grief different and sometimes grief longer or a few do not ever recover from a loss.

   Like others have said, get professional help asap, hook a therapist, suicide hotline if you need to. Next thing, is to tell us more about your situation with yourself and family that led to this sucidal thinking. More for context, and to get a more tailored advice to your circumstance.