How Connected are You? (Finding Community)

[MarkusR]

Hello Guys!

I was interested to hear how connected you guys feel to community or people in general in your area. Personally Ive let go of a lot of friends due to differing values and lifestyles, and for a while Ive felt like Ive lacked a true connection to a community.

Im 22 years old. Sometimes I work as a substitute teacher, everyone there is old and living in compramise, they talk with this adult lingo that just feels fake. I cant really see myself connecting there.

My main passion is music. And ive always felt like as I persue it more opportunities to connect with people in that field will open up, but I still tend to be a loner.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic. I honestly crave having deep loving and fun communities of people, and enjoying that way of connecting. Id like to find a partner/girlfriend like that as well. I find it more appealing that just going clubbing and finding someone random or only making friends to do drugs with...

 

[Kksd74628]

@MarkusR

Try to find what are the interest of people you talk to in daily basis and when you talk about these things they are more willing to deepen the conversation and that way it gets more enjoyable to both of you. Also find enough people who talk very deep things so that you don't feel need to have profound talks 24 7.

Btw if music is your passion then DM me on this forum and we can start talking about it, because I am music maker and I produce melodical electronic music : )

[puporing]

@MarkusR Very relatable... actually studying music has been a pretty lonely journey for me for awhile (not in school just private teachers because I started super late compared to most), at least in the classical world. I was also going through some self-therapy during that time and overall I've come out feeling more whole than ever before. I've recently branched out to rock and people seem way more friendly/approachable in that world. 

I don't connect very easily with most people in my area, maybe for a short while but there's so little common interests. The city I'm at is predominately very conservative, mixed with somewhat an abundance of artists. I don't watch TV for example and that's a conversation nonstarter . I went to some psychedelic group meet, haven't had luck yet there so far nobody's into spirituality but was interesting to hear their experience. Hopefully with music I can find more self-actualizer types in my area. Happy to see a lot of musicians on here, I would say the forum gives me a pretty good dose of connectedness.

Edited February 9, 2022 by puporing

[Matt23]

8 hours ago, MarkusR said:

I find it more appealing that just going clubbing and finding someone random or only making friends to do drugs with...

Lol.  At least you're honest about it.  It's not a bad thing either.  

Just do what you feel most attracted to in terms of like, good feelings in your body.  Then, as an experiment, try imagining an even better scenario or feeling and comparing how you feel doing A with the better thing B... see how you feel and what happens.  

Perhaps "drugs partying with friends" (again, nothing wrong with that ;P) turns into "skydiving with friends" or "climbing mountains on cross-country road trips with friends". ... appealing?    Maybe "drugs" turns into "5-meo-DMT vision quests... with friends... of course"...

(I feel like I'm channeling my inner "Nahm" here, lol).

Yes.  

community, connection, friends.  All valid and great stuff.  Meaningful over here as well. 

One way I've recently been tackling these things is realizing, I've known I've wanted these for many years.  Yet I still haven't really felt I've created them in the ways and depths I've wanted. 

Robert Kegan's book and concept "Immunity to Change" comes to mind.  Basically, limiting beliefs and values (that may or may not be limiting) can get in the way of realizing what you truly want and think is good, true, and beautiful. 

For example:  You want community.  Ok.  Great!  Now, what do you believe about community?  What will happen to you or your circumstances when you find that?  Anything you don't want?  Perhaps you hold that, while yes, community brings many joys like doing adventures together or staying up late dreaming about the future and philosophizing, you may also hold that community will pin you down and take away your freedom.  Or that you'll become a sheeple and a follower with no sense of self.  It could also be that you also fear community since you feel once you get close to people they will realize what a "bad" person you are (or rather, you believe you're "bad" thus that others will eventually see that).  etc. etc. etc..  

There's no wonder achieving those things you want seem so hard!  You're unconscious is protecting you from a bunch of possibly painful things associated with that (though, I would suggest these things are all based on belief and aren't true.. but you can dig that up for yourself :P) ..

Anyways... get what I mean?

Might be worth a little dig.  

[puporing]

46 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

Might be worth a little dig.  

I dig what you're sayin'. 

[Bojan V]

I live in a very rural area. In fact my home is sorrounded by forrest. Only one house is 100 meters away, the rest of the village is even further away. There are zero people interested in spirituality here. In fact they are very ignorant about many things. Only one neighbour in the village nearby was willing to talk about it.

However there is a beautiful nature all around.  Many animals come to visit: birds, deer, fox, sometimes bear... It is really like a fairy tale.

One spiritual teacher i knew said that nature enables spiritual development. From my experience this is true.

So, regarding spirituality, my connection is mainly with the nature. And i come here on this forum to chat and to inform myself about spiritual stuff...

I actualy like it that way...

Edited February 9, 2022 by Bojan V

[itachi uchiha]

the deeper u go in a field , the more lonely u will be

its soo lonely at the top

[Preety_India]

I don't think I connect with people at all around me. Most of them are too career centric and I am more interested in spiritual things. That's an impossible conversation to have. So I do feel left out a bit. 

 

[yetineti]

Yeah I’m a 20 year old dude in like the exact same situation.

Have about 2.5 friends. 

I have My Mom, Dad (divorced) and their flaws (good for the most part though)

My sister doesn’t talk to me (depression, overwhelmed, etc) I hear from her every few months, briefly. 5 or so years ago, we used to be close.

I have a just okay job, but one I enjoy.

And yeah I dunno my future, but I love music and have been trying to convince myself that somehow all of this self actualization enlightenment work is going to turn into a deep community, music-dream.

Because right now, like you said, it all feels disconnected. 
 

I need to change

Edited February 10, 2022 by mw711

[peanutspathtotruth]

What you're feeling is a wish for community - and that is beautiful. I've walked the lone wolf path all my life, but no more. One of the biggest insights I've had was that community is the next step of embodiment. And most spiritually oriented people are scared of that because a) you bring others into the equation and social dynamics can be complex, and b) many people believe most people are not on their level.

Truth be told, 99% of people I've met, I would just not want to be in community with. But I've craved like minded people. Like, people like you all, who are on a no-bullshit, highly devoted spiritual path towards God and love. And I spoke out these heartfelt wishes. And they have been answered. I've found a tribe who are all as, or closely as, committed to Truth as I am. I can't tell you how powerful such a connection is. Consciousness potentiates itself in such a surrounding. Add nature to that and bam, magic starts unfolding.

It's scary to think as a group (we want to create projects together, create a community space and expand it to help people awaken and heal), but it's also incredibly beautiful.

Please value your innermost wish for community if you truly feel it. The people are out there. Go out of your way to find them. Randomly meet up people, maybe you find someone on the forum who lives nearby. The power of combined forces of consciousness and love is virtually unspeakable. I truly believe that further down the road, unity consciousness between human beings is possible. Many act as one. For that, we have to be completely vulnerable and connect deeply. Listen to your heart ♥

[Danioover9000]

@MarkusR

On 08/02/2022 at 9:26 PM, MarkusR said:

Hello Guys!

I was interested to hear how connected you guys feel to community or people in general in your area. Personally Ive let go of a lot of friends due to differing values and lifestyles, and for a while Ive felt like Ive lacked a true connection to a community.

Im 22 years old. Sometimes I work as a substitute teacher, everyone there is old and living in compramise, they talk with this adult lingo that just feels fake. I cant really see myself connecting there.

My main passion is music. And ive always felt like as I persue it more opportunities to connect with people in that field will open up, but I still tend to be a loner.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic. I honestly crave having deep loving and fun communities of people, and enjoying that way of connecting. Id like to find a partner/girlfriend like that as well. I find it more appealing that just going clubbing and finding someone random or only making friends to do drugs with...

 

   It depends on the person's development tierms of stqges, their cognitiive and moral development, how well they can switch and maintain different states of being, personality type, and life experiences so far in other domains of life.

   When it comes to me for example, I'm still focusing on developing myself in adopting stage orange values more fully before trying to transcend stage orange and transition to stage green. I also have some shadow aspects from thhe previous stages of values to integrate into my growth, like some of stage blue, red and purple values. I value myself more as an individual and less as part of a collective at this time.

   I also have similarities and differences in terms of how I think, compared to how other people think in my family, and people in my general area. I have some mild schizophrenia, which effects how I think in relation to other people. That difference in thinking can sometimes make it more difficult to relate to others with more conventional types of cognitive frameworks. Like most people cannot keep up with how I think, but can't mentally construct representations of reality as good as I can. They sometimes lack the nuance and complexity of my thinking to keep up.

   While I'm more of an introverted type of personality, I can manage my states of being through different methods from NLP and spirituality techniques such that I can become extroverted like and maintain that being, but as an introverted personality type I can't sustain too long of a conversation in more active social settings.

   My morality, also circle of concern to other people is partly stage green as well, I do uphold parts if humanitarian values, animal welfare and environmentalism. I can to some extent relate to those, but not as strongly as an activist or care bear would, so most cases my circle of concern mostly gravitates to my family, and some of my friends. As far as the community that I'm a part of, I don't have that strong of a sense of community, which is because of some of my past experiences in my childhood and early teens growing up here that I don't want to fully be involved with this community I'm currently in.

   

[Matt23]

On 2/8/2022 at 11:00 PM, puporing said:

I dig what you're sayin'. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

I joined an improv group to be in community

[Roy]

Volunteer firefighter, go to local climbing gym. Simply doing things you enjoy that other people also enjoy creates community by default.

[MarkusR]

On 09/02/2022 at 8:12 AM, Matt23 said:

On 08/02/2022 at 11:26 PM, MarkusR said:

I find it more appealing that just going clubbing and finding someone random or only making friends to do drugs with...

I find community MORE appealing THAN* going clubbing and doing drugs. I dont actually partake in drugs myself, not anymore, and thats where me and a lot of past friends disconnect. (Feel like this was unclear xD)

@Matt23

[MarkusR]

@Roy This is really mostly what I've begun doing since I wrote this post. I just started actively including more people into my life, and finding fun shit to do together. Making plans, like this week I went bowling with 2 friends.

It's insane how hole I felt after that experience. I have a great work ethic, good health, and a vision for my life. But that moment of just peace and talking shit with friends and doing something completely unrelated made me feel so good. 

Im so happy to hear everyones responses and that this is something a lot of you can relate with. I think its a vital part of life and just happiness as a whole is accepting more people into your life, despite their "flaws" or not "being on your level" (which is honestly quite an egotistical view at the end of the day). Everyone is human, everyone is reaching for their best, despite some efforts falling short, and everyone has vices. As long as the vices dont rub off on you you can actually start influencing your friends in a positive direction.

Im going to continue to be this type of steward for this type of connection. By planning out fun experiences, inviting friends from different disciplines and lifestyles, being the person that actively includes and creates the social situations that people crave.  Super excited for this realisation and how this will affect my life. Also great to see such activity on this forum, Its really a community out here as well.

[MarkusR]

One last thing:

I feel like this problem came up from solving a larger problem. I was hanging out with people who were hindering my personal development. At which point I had to disconnect heavily. Now Ive built myself up to quite a high level and Im coming full circle. Now its time to become that positive influence and create a culture around me that supports my vision rather than hindering it