fears about going into long term relationship

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

so im with this girl
she cute, im attracted to her, our sex is good and will become better i expect cause we both want it to, she has a kind, gentle, loving heart and intelligence
she comes from a good family, far better than mine lol 
her parents are big into spirituality, very loving and caring people
we together 8 months, and both want to keep going

whats the hold up you ask? FOMO
im a young horny dude, i have some experience with girls... "but not enough" - says my dick.
i still want to taste more pussy, see some nice big booty and more types of women.. im afraid this will become a problem as i mature and im afraid im getting deeper into a relationship while i havnt been enough at the "buffet". im still curious you see.. im afraid itll become an obstacle later. like a repressed shadow which will come back and haunt me later.. 

whats more? well, im attracted to her but she is not like exactly my type. other types of girls attract me more then her if im being honest. 
but shes so awsome and cute that i tell my self that i dont want to leave only because of the looks. also - i cant get everything in life - some compromise must be made, and she has such a good charachter that im willing to compromise looks for that - and im attracted to her so no problems in that domain.

she also not big into sprituality but definitly curious and smart so i kind of gently guide her in this domain. 

im 24 yo 
what do you guys think? am i going to regret going into a long term relationship while still young and wild? 
is it going to come back and bite me in the ass later? what to do about all this cravings for more expereince in sex when i have a women i love? 
 

[Bando]

This really isn't something you can just sweep under the rug, you may be able to control your desire for the time being but what would happen if someone you found attractive tried to seduce you? Would you have the boundaries to say no?

Try to ask her if she's open to having an open relationship. If this isnt something you feel like you can talk about try exploring tantric sex or deeper levels of intimacy with her.

You shouldn't really get into a LTR with someone your not 100% sure about maintaining healthy relationships takes work and thats hard to if you feel like your "settling"

3 hours ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

cant get everything in life - some compromise must be made,

Why not what exactly is it you want from life? What do you believe you have to compromise on to get what you want?

[somegirl]

Damn this is hard...

On one hand I understand that you want to live and experiment and "be wild" and don't want to be tied down while young.

On another, you found someone you clicked with, though not entirely, if I'm understanding it right. 

I would say... Maybe see if she is open for an open relationship. 

I think you might regret committing to a long term relationship if you feel this way now. You feel you want to "live" a little more and see what's out there. Other people might be okay with committing to a long term relationship this young and don't have desire to experiment much. But you seem unsure about this relationship. 

If she is really a great girl (a dream girl by your standards) it might come back to bite you in the ass if you decide to leave such girl. But by your story I didn't get an impression that you're 100% in and 100% sure about her.

[Raze]

Just leave her. In a relationship it starts passionate but passionate love can die out rather fast, if you’re already unsatiated it will just be a bigger problem in 3-4 years.

However after leaving her, most likely you will eventually find hook ups and other girls vapid and meaningless, but do not idealize this past relationship and kick yourself over what could have been, that is a unhealthy outlook.

[Matthew85]

@NoN-RaTiOnAL This comes down to having the courage to have open honest communication. Suppressing what you are feeling isn't a good solution. You may not be ready for a monogamous serious relationship now. 

[puporing]

@NoN-RaTiOnAL Very relatable. I'm glad others have raised the possibility of an open relationship set up. You could try that but keep in mind she may not want the same so that would be the end of your current one (stating the obvious), but maybe she'd be okay with it too and explore as well if she wanted to. And yeah even if not that prob best to talk about it with her so even if the relationship ends she knows it's not something she did.. 

Edited February 9, 2022 by puporing

[SgtPepper]

I think you need to ask yourself what you really want. And to think with your whole body.

[Pavement]

If you want to see how you really feel about the girl and if it’s what you want, then stop consuming pickup related material.  Just quit it all for a month.  This corrupts your mind and doesn’t allow you to think clearly.  During that time be as present as possible within your relationship and feel into it.  Focus on only that and see how you feel with no outside sources making you overthink everything.  Then see how things are in a month or so. 

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

thanks for all the POV's - some more relatable some less. 

 

15 hours ago, Bando said:

This really isn't something you can just sweep under the rug, you may be able to control your desire for the time being but what would happen if someone you found attractive tried to seduce you? Would you have the boundaries to say no?

Try to ask her if she's open to having an open relationship. If this isnt something you feel like you can talk about try exploring tantric sex or deeper levels of intimacy with her.

You shouldn't really get into a LTR with someone your not 100% sure about maintaining healthy relationships takes work and thats hard to if you feel like your "settling"

Why not what exactly is it you want from life? What do you believe you have to compromise on to get what you want?

yeah i agree. 
an open relationship is an option but presents plenty of difficulty im not sure two 24 yo could handle properly. 
also im not big into it and i believe she is even more against it. we can surly discuss this though and see what we make out of it. 

and as to why not exactly? well because thats life.. even if i will find a girs which is 100% my type she will still have something that i wont like in another domain... i cannot just seek for like a soul mate... i could keep searching that way my entire life. there could always be somthing more.. 
a relationship is based on compromising yourself aswell - for the benefit of the relationship. both sides do that. 
a 100% match isnt realistic. two individuals will never bond and complete each other in an absolut way. 

 

 

14 hours ago, somegirl said:

Damn this is hard...

On one hand I understand that you want to live and experiment and "be wild" and don't want to be tied down while young.

On another, you found someone you clicked with, though not entirely, if I'm understanding it right. 

I would say... Maybe see if she is open for an open relationship. 

I think you might regret committing to a long term relationship if you feel this way now. You feel you want to "live" a little more and see what's out there. Other people might be okay with committing to a long term relationship this young and don't have desire to experiment much. But you seem unsure about this relationship. 

If she is really a great girl (a dream girl by your standards) it might come back to bite you in the ass if you decide to leave such girl. But by your story I didn't get an impression that you're 100% in and 100% sure about her.

exactly ! we clicked but i still have some doubts. 
im walking a thin line now, i dont want to end it all but also i understand i cant run away from my truth. 
this all needs to be put on the table and discussed and i  need to let go of fear of losing her. 
also i know she loves me and wont just let this whole relationship end. she is mature and smart, not the impulsive-explosive type. 
we will have to talk this through - no matter the results. 

 

10 hours ago, Matthew85 said:

@NoN-RaTiOnAL This comes down to having the courage to have open honest communication. Suppressing what you are feeling isn't a good solution. You may not be ready for a monogamous serious relationship now. 

true. im just afraid it will end the relationship - but i understand now this option is better than suppresing my authentic self when thinking long term.





 

[integral]

You need to loss her to appreciate her, go chase the girls your more attracted to, get your fill of low quality relationships and when your done with all that bullshit you'll be ready to settle down. 

Settling down comes after realistic expectations sets in, right now your young and clueless and need to experience the world before wisdom changes what you want. 

[Matthew85]

3 hours ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

true. im just afraid it will end the relationship - but i understand now this option is better than suppresing my authentic self when thinking long term.

@NoN-RaTiOnAL If you having an open discussion about this with her ends the relationship then it wasn't going to last anyway. Where people create a lot of problems is they don't discuss anything. Resentments build or they start cheating and lying, then eventually it all comes out and you break up. 

[integral]

1 hour ago, Matthew85 said:

@NoN-RaTiOnAL If you having an open discussion about this with her ends the relationship then it wasn't going to last anyway. Where people create a lot of problems is they don't discuss anything. Resentments build or they start cheating and lying, then eventually it all comes out and you break up. 

Lol i showed my gf this topic and she was offended lmfao, its just to honest of a male perspective for people to handle. 

[Matthew85]

@integral lol. Well, ask her would she rather have a guy who talked about desires he was having or suppressed them and ended up frustrated and resentful. I am not saying they will handle it well, but in the long run I feel being able to have honest discussions is vital for a healthy long term relationship. 

[somegirl]

4 hours ago, integral said:

Lol i showed my gf this topic and she was offended lmfao, its just to honest of a male perspective for people to handle.

Well it's either telling the truth or you (he) can lie to her about it. Choose the best option

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

13 hours ago, integral said:

Lol i showed my gf this topic and she was offended lmfao, its just to honest of a male perspective for people to handle. 

wrong. 
you take her poor way of handling truth and set it as a standard.. many women will react differently to this topic some more sensitive some less.. moreover - im sure there are women that also had this dillema in a relationship with a guy. 

[Leo Gura]

At 24 you can do this relationship and still have time to be wild afterwards. Most relationships end anyways. Do this relationship for a few years and see how you feel. Maybe you will grow to love her, maybe you will grow bored of her. But there's no reason to deliberately end a happy relationship just because you find some other girls hotter. There will always be a hotter girl. Besides which, you want to build your relationship skills so that if you ever find the right girl you are experienced.

[Lyubov]

you will learn more about women being in an LTR than if you were to be single and practice cold approach. think long term investment. you can go through phases and you can also sleep around in the future if you so wish. 

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

32 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

At 24 you can do this relationship and still have time to be wild afterwards. Most relationships end anyways. Do this relationship for a few years and see how you feel. Maybe you will grow to love her, maybe you will grow bored of her. But there's no reason to deliberately end a happy relationship just because you find some other girls hotter. There will always be a hotter girl. Besides which, you want to build your relationship skills so that if you ever find the right girl you are experienced.

im not thinking ending the relationship - i said i want to stay with her. 
im just scraed of supressing my curiousity and cravings. do you think i should share this with her? 
thats true what you wrote about bulding relationship skills.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

im just scraed of supressing my curiousity and cravings.

Yeah, you'll have to keep your dick in your pants. Big deal.

1 hour ago, NoN-RaTiOnAL said:

do you think i should share this with her?

No

[NoN-RaTiOnAL]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, you'll have to keep your dick in your pants. Big deal.

No

it might be you know.. its you who made an entire video teaching about not suppresing sexuality as far as i remember. 

and why not? i think its healthy to share that even if im not going to do anything about it. its good to be able to speak about myself openly, its just natural i have this cravings..