How do I get out of this rut?

[Yoremo]

hey guys! So I´ve always been bad at socializing and I´ve been moaning about it here on the forum for a while now. So right now the only people I hang out with are my family, the guys in my class (can add that I am a guy) and like 4 guys from my parallell class. I never get invited to do something, I never get invited to partys or anything, and for good reason because most of the time I can be quite boring. Now I ain´t from a big city, I´m from a small island with like 50k people in total spread on a good amount of land. And 1k goes to my high school and maybe another 1k goes on the only other high school there is (know like 1 person there though). That´s why it´s such a big deal that I never get invited to places, because there ain´t nothing but private parties here.

So, I am not a socially retarded person but I am very insecure in some instances and that makes me fuck up and to not want to speak to people again. So my goal this year is that I basically want to transform myself into a extroverted person from the kind of introverted incel person which is me right now.

So what I want to ask you guys is, how would you approach this? Mainly what I need to resolve is the fear revolving social interactions aswell as building up my skills at social interactions. And I am not really sure where to start, because what I´ve done in the past is just kind of getting a bit driven to change and then stuff change but then I don´t really have a plan for it and then I stop.

Also, another question which has been bothering me related to this, how am I myself? it just seems like such a fucking weird concept, I am a different person for everyday that goes of my life, so what kind of person am I? I am NOT asking for a spiritual "there is no self" answer, more just for an answer for how the fuck to find my authentic self in socializing and rest of life aswell.

[Leo Gura]

38 minutes ago, Yoremo said:

how would you approach this?

Move

[Danioover9000]

@Yoremo

2 hours ago, Yoremo said:

hey guys! So I´ve always been bad at socializing and I´ve been moaning about it here on the forum for a while now. So right now the only people I hang out with are my family, the guys in my class (can add that I am a guy) and like 4 guys from my parallell class. I never get invited to do something, I never get invited to partys or anything, and for good reason because most of the time I can be quite boring. Now I ain´t from a big city, I´m from a small island with like 50k people in total spread on a good amount of land. And 1k goes to my high school and maybe another 1k goes on the only other high school there is (know like 1 person there though). That´s why it´s such a big deal that I never get invited to places, because there ain´t nothing but private parties here.

So, I am not a socially retarded person but I am very insecure in some instances and that makes me fuck up and to not want to speak to people again. So my goal this year is that I basically want to transform myself into a extroverted person from the kind of introverted incel person which is me right now.

So what I want to ask you guys is, how would you approach this? Mainly what I need to resolve is the fear revolving social interactions aswell as building up my skills at social interactions. And I am not really sure where to start, because what I´ve done in the past is just kind of getting a bit driven to change and then stuff change but then I don´t really have a plan for it and then I stop.

Also, another question which has been bothering me related to this, how am I myself? it just seems like such a fucking weird concept, I am a different person for everyday that goes of my life, so what kind of person am I? I am NOT asking for a spiritual "there is no self" answer, more just for an answer for how the fuck to find my authentic self in socializing and rest of life aswell.

   If you don't mind, could you tell us more about:

   Your financial situation.

   Your social circle.

   Your situation in high school.

   Your relationship with your family members.

   Your relationship with your sexuality.

   What hobbies do you have.

   What fitness you are into.

   What you do for leisure.

   Also, what personality type are you. For this, go take the Myers Briggs personality test, and tell us your personality type.

   

   A few questions:

   Which senses do you prefer to use when thinking about social situations?

   What instances in those social situations triggers this insecurity?

   

[Yoremo]

@Danioover9000

financial situation: have 10k saved up for me from my parents till´I´m 18 but like 2k that´s mine to use now

my social circle: the guys at school in my class basically, I only hang out in school

my situation in high school: I don´t know what you mean but I am probably looked at a bit odd and like I am a bit of a loner and kind of to myself and a bit boring perhaps. Otherwise I have decent grades

my relationship with my family member: not good at all, we live in a small house and I can´t tolerate them. Completely my fault though as I usually get mad at nothing

my relationship with my sexuality: don´t even know what this means, I am a virgin but I feel good about my sexuality in general and confident. The only sexual thing I do is to jack off

what hobbies I have: I just started to play guitar, other than that not much. My life got so empty since the biggest thing in my life was soccer before but my body is injured all the fucking time. I like to work out though but can´t really do that now. I like to go out in nature aswell as being with animals. But I basically do none of these as I am just coming out of a long depression.

What fitness I´m into: running, weightlifting, soccer or any other sports really. I like biking to lakes around my house too during summer aswell as taking walks in the forests. I fucking love to move, but I don´t do these things much either since I am pretty darn injured

What I do for leisure: mostly watching yt and movies. Feel bad about that though. Maybe petting the dog. Not much here

personality type: I took it a while back, got INTP-A or INTP-T, but this is bullshit I feel because the person I am now is so far from my "personality", this is just a consequense of being socially liad back for my 17 year life aswell as my 1 year depression. Do with that what you will.

6 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

   A few questions:

   Which senses do you prefer to use when thinking about social situations?

   What instances in those social situations triggers this insecurity?

   

I think I use sight mostly, but it´s hard to tell.

when I am unsure if people like me or when I am unsure whether we have the same opinion. I am also insecure when I meet hot girls, and other people I look up to, also guys. I am also insecure meeting new people and I am insecure that people will think I am bad in some way. I am afraid of people judging me, I kind of feel this feeling that I want to protect my "innocent self image" (that´s how it feels, I know that logically it doesn´t make much sense) and I am afraid of people judging, I have some images that I sincerely don´t want other people to view me as and I feel very obliged to keep people from viewing me in these certain ways examples may be I don´t want to be seen as a player, a loser, unconfident, immature and the list goes on.

One big excuse for me is that I live 45 min from the only "city" on my island and that makes it easier to come up with excuses. 

My main problem is just insecurity, I have already decent social calibration but all of this is of course thrown out the window the days I feel unconfident. I guess it´s always about confidence when it comes to social interactions.

I also feel that the main thing making me feel bad except for not socializing is because ever since I couldn´t play soccer my fucking world got collapsed, and so I have kind of given up more or less (except for some futile attempts) on my life the last year or so just focusing on getting healthy. But I feel I need to get my shit together too to make me feel better

Edited February 8, 2022 by Yoremo

[Lincisman]

Six pillars of self-esteem by N.Branden is a great book that will definitely help you to understand more clearly some of your problems.