College and pickup as a life noob

[Lincisman]

I am a 20 years old college student in my junior year studying computer science.

The truth is that:

·       I have no career skills (basic C++; console applications)

·       I do not have social skills and am unable to have relationships of any kind so far (and have no friends)

·       Have low self-esteem (though did sentence-stems work for 3 months from Six pillars of self-esteem)

·       Sometimes I get quite depressed and get into a rot where I just watch YouTube (watch George Carlin) and eat cheese, berries, and honey (this happened then this semester started)

·       Do not know how to talk (some times are better than others depending on my inner feelings).  

I quit meditation after a year of practice when I was 17 or so (was too painful -pushed too far, but it works, definitely), and just now after 3 months (I did not technically quit but missed a few days)

I live in a dorm in a city of 539,000 citizens and every weekend go back home to the village where my parents live (20 citizens).

I notice myself being happier on those days when I talk to people more.

My motivation for studying has declined close to zero, but in the previous semester, I managed to get a scholarship of 125 EUR (for comparison my dorm costs 55 EUR a month). Moreover, I am studying for free and don’t work anywhere= have a lot of free time (I consider starting doing some unqualified work because I better go earn some money than watch YouTube and eat.)

I am unable to not pay attention to cute girls on the streets, I feel cravings for some sort of connection. Today a beautiful girl sat next to me said hey and asked me about what the lecturer was saying (and our body language was the same) – It triggered a feeling. (But I also noticed myself feeling that I am not enough and somehow unworthy of this girl- At this point, I thought that my mind is full of shit).

I assume that this is a reason why I am passionate about the topic of how the mind works and how to change it.

My question: Should I learn to socialize/ pickup during college or do something else like career skills? Maybe I can do both of these at the same time?

Honestly, I feel fake writing this because I feel close to zero motivation to do anything right now and it makes me sad. I need to change my mind, that’s for sure. And Vision.

Leo, do you still visualize the future to keep you motivated or do you motivate yourself in some other way? (This question is for everyone, I just wanted to get Leos attention )

[Ulax]

Brother go to a depth psychotherapy and deal with the painful shit that happened in your past, i.e. bullying.

Talk about any situation in which you felt lesser than.

[Leo Gura]

Talk to girls and find your LP so you can build the right career skills.

Do both.

Yes, I use visualization a lot. I always have an exciting vision of my future that I am working towards.

[Lincisman]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes, I use visualization a lot. I always have an exciting vision of my future that I am working towards.

Thanks, Leo.

So visualization is the primary tool by which you motivate yourself to take action, right?

Moreover, I feel like the college is a joke. Going to college for education is like going to a church to become spiritual (Just needed to put it out there).

 

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Lincisman said:

So visualization is the primary tool by which you motivate yourself to take action, right?

No, I mostly motivate myself to take action because I have a keen sense that I will soon be dead and I value the miracle of my life too much to waste a single year of it on dumb shit.

13 minutes ago, Lincisman said:

Moreover, I feel like the college is a joke. Going to college for education is like going to a church to become spiritual (Just needed to put it out there).

So stop joking around and educate yourself seriously.

[Nahm]

Self referential beliefs.

Self referential thoughts.

Go Prior!

You are the creator of your reality. 

[Michal__]

1 hour ago, Lincisman said:

Moreover, I feel like the college is a joke. Going to college for education is like going to a church to become spiritual (Just needed to put it out there).

 

Well, it's only a joke if you actually put as much (and more) effort on self-education. 

And strategically choose what to learn.

[hyruga]

Study hard in college!

[Lincisman]

You are right, It makes sense that how much I learn depends on how much effort I put into it and not on some other circumstance 

[mmKay]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, I mostly motivate myself to take action because I have a keen sense that I will soon be dead and I value the miracle of my life too much to waste a single year of it on dumb shit.

Doesn't your understanding / experience of Infinity and Inmortality demotivate your current incarnation in any way? or does it actually boost your love for life? I'd say spirituallity has made me more " sluggish " than before I knew anything about it. Not that it's bad, but I've had to heavily change my motivation from archivement and having to genuine passion otherwise I would never ever do something.

Having a peak behind the courtains was counter productive for me, at least in these early stages of development.

But most likely I've been doing weak-sauce spirituallity and haven't experienced that deep Love that would motivate my a$$

[Leo Gura]

28 minutes ago, mmKay said:

Doesn't your understanding / experience of Infinity and Inmortality demotivate your current incarnation in any way?

It demotivates in the sense that it makes me care less about action and achievement but more about being and consciousness. So it shifts my motivations towards deeper and more essential things.

[Javfly33]

You can do both, buddy. Set aside 2 hours a day just going out in the street and practicing getting to a social mood.

[The Blind Sage]

@Lincisman Martial arts for personal development isn't talked about enough on this forum imo. Especially considering that the audience here is mostly male. I'm 23 and just had my first lesson a few days ago. I wish I started as a late teenager. Just imagine how different you'll be as a person after several years of training-mentally, emotionally (and of course physically). 

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is considered a pretty good go-to tradition for begginers. I'm still experimenting on which one I'll commit to but the consensus is that you can't go wrong with BJJ.

Read the reddit FAQ forum on martial arts if you're interested. It's got pretty high quality info.