I don't like being this way

[Illusory Self]

I cannot even cohere basic sentences together. People will talk to me & just feel like I am put on the spot. Not knowing what to say. When people talk to me, I don't want to talk back. I do think other people just have effortless 'words' come into there head so they can vocalize it. When someone communicates with me, I don't have that. I'm like 'you have really put me on the spot now, what shall I say'. 

I know it is possible to get out of this place since I have been out of it in the past in altered states of consciousness

My mind feels in overdrive

Every single day I am questioning my own personality, when I vocalize something inside my mind, I question whether that is right or not. It is the not knowing who I am.

Everything I say is how I want to be perceived by others but I don't know how I want others to perceive me? 

I find operating in the social domain very challenging because I question how do I want to be perceived by others? This causes me suffering on a daily basis. It is like feeling lost. 

Edited February 6, 2022 by Illusory Self

[TheAvatarState]

I have dealt with this for years, and still do. I feel much happier and in alignment with the universe when I take a deep breath and surrender to the flow. Bring out the humor lens from your toolkit. Isn't this all so endlessly hilarious? You could literally say "my tiny little nipples went to France" in your next conversation, and it wouldn't matter at all! This feeling of being trapped is completely self-imposed. All my expectations and wants and anxieties... bring those to the surface and release that weight. I'm exactly where I designed myself to be! Nowhere else could be better, it's just my limited, selfish ego mind that's unable to see it. And that's ok, that's part of how I designed myself, I'm allowed to feel anything that I'm feeling. Learn to spot self-judgement quickly, observe it and release it.