How to not take life for granted?

[TheAvatarState]

(Please forgive my ramblings lol)

I vaguely remember a time I was engaged with life. Like, really IN IT. After awakening, it doesn't feel special anymore. Existence has a weight to it. It feels like a chore. I know I've lived infinite lifetimes and will continue to in this timeless void. I'm aware how I'm creating all of reality, and like peeking behind the curtain of the magic trick, it took all the wonder out of it. What I am is infinitely mysterious, and yet it feels like there's no mystery left. I feel disillusioned to it all, essentially fed up with myself. Everything is a strange loop that points back in on itself, and I don't really care for the company. 

How is this even possible? It's such an insane notion! Why would God be bored of his own creation? I feel so lame. But it's like if everything is "divine" and "special"... Doesn't that mean nothing is? Isn't this the only way reality can be? From a certain angle, aren't I completely alone just masturbating myself for eternity? Isn't that extremely sad?

So here's the thing. Every viewpoint of infinitely many is partial and valid. Reality is completely relative, mind-meltingly so. There's a beautiful, life affirming way to spin reality so I wake up ready to "go get it.' to love and honor life. That life exists, and it wouldn't be a lie. What I don't understand is how to change my limited human perspective to see reality in a way that's beneficial. But even this objective melts away... What is beneficial and what is not? As an infinite being, I'm drawn to chaos as much as order and goodness. It doesn't feel like it's "my choice" because there is no "I" to make a choice. I've come full circle, God's will is working through me, of which I am not aware, and this supposedly beautiful and incredible God amusement park ride feels like a painfully slow ferris wheel when I want to be on a thrilling rollercoaster. 

I believe what I'm here to learn is patience and surrendering to whatever is. My ego mind has very addictive, impatient, and self-serving tendencies. But the process feels so slow, and it feels like (rightly) I have no say over when and how these things get ironed out. Another thing I'm here to learn is trust. Trust of myself = trust in others = trust in the universe. My whole life I was raised to be separate and to not trust others. That's a pattern I continue to this day. It's insanely hard to ask for help or to reach out. Ive been self-sufficient and a loner my whole life, even before I realized I am all there is. I feel I've never truly loved anyone. 

I have grown A LOT lately, yet it feels like I haven't. There's this constant anxiety that I'm missing something, that life is passing me by, despite my knowing of my true Being. There is nothing to do and no one to be. Conceptually this should be Nirvana, Liberation, but my life FEELS confusing, circular, and just plain wrong. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone else, even an enemy if it were possible for me to have one or conceptualize one. I have nothing to ground myself in, and I have to admit I'm terrified of what I am and what this means moving forward. But it's strange because I KNOW there's nothing to be afraid of. I know, Conceptually, how reality works, and I know everything will work out if I just take the step. But I'm frozen. It's not even my step to take. I have so many attachments I feel I have no control over. 

This isn't something I can forget about. I am unable to live a "normal" life. There is no going back. It all adds to this feeling of being trapped, which I don't understand either. There is nothing to trap me but myself? Why would I want to do that? Why would I want to have that experience? It's sadistically funny from a certain angle, although I suppose everything is if you expand your mind enough. Is reality a cruel joke or perfect goodness? Both, but it only feels like a sick prank at the moment. The greatest joke of all is that I know without a shadow of a doubt I placed myself here to have this experience because I wanted it and it's ultimately for my greater Good. How can my limited human ego come to terms with that? How does anyone do it? 

This whole post I felt compelled to write, I find endlessly hilarious btw. It's like chef's kiss, icing on the cake kinda thing to me. 

[ChrisZoZo]

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

How is this even possible? It's such an insane notion! Why would God be bored of his own creation?

He want's to experience being bored that's why. 

 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

I feel so lame. But it's like if everything is "divine" and "special"... Doesn't that mean nothing is?

Who are you? You are not the one feeling lame. 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

I completely alone just masturbating myself for eternity? Isn't that extremely sad?

It's sad because you label it as sad. Why is it that a being that created the highest love posable sad to you because your mind? look how nice your mind is being to you. 

 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

So here's the thing. Every viewpoint of infinitely many is partial and valid. Reality is completely relative, mind-meltingly so. There's a beautiful, life affirming way to spin reality so I wake up ready to "go get it.' to love and honor life. That life exists, and it wouldn't be a lie. What I don't understand is how to change my limited human perspective to see reality in a way that's beneficial.

By stop labeling things you see. This will take a while to go into effect.

Try going for a walk in the park when it's nice outside (1 hour before sunset is me favorite time). Look and nature without any labeling or expectation to gain or see thing at all. Do it the next day and the day after you will notice things becoming more beautiful. No matter what don't label.   

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

I believe what I'm here to learn is patience and surrendering to whatever is.

Contemplate on surrender because you aint surrendering. Contemplate why you are not surrendering also.

 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

My whole life I was raised to be separate and to not trust others. That's a pattern I continue to this day. It's insanely hard to ask for help or to reach out. Ive been self-sufficient and a loner my whole life, even before I realized I am all there is. I feel I've never truly loved anyone. 

Do trauma healing, Leo has a good video on this.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlFjhO0lgLA 

 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

I have so many attachments I feel I have no control over. 

That it's self is an illusion meditate for a while, do all your attachments stay the whole time? If you in the moment of interaction can't give up an attachment then be ok with that love your self for it. Then in a manner of self-love work out how to let of of the attachments. 

 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

This isn't something I can forget about. I am unable to live a "normal" life. There is no going back.

A normal life is fucking shite. You will break out of this in to a new chapter of self love, acceptance and wisdom

 

and will not want to go back to the normal "life". 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

There is nothing to trap me but myself? Why would I want to do that? Why would I want to have that experience? It's sadistically funny from a certain angle,

wrong, God loves so much that he is willing to go through the pain you are suffering right now. Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnn0IU0-atg& this explains my last sentence in full detail. You have to find the part I can't remember where it is.

 

On 2/5/2022 at 8:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

Why would I want to do that? Why would I want to have that experience? It's sadistically funny from a certain angle, although I suppose everything is if you expand your mind enough. Is reality a cruel joke or perfect goodness? Both, but it only feels like a sick prank at the moment. The greatest joke of all is that I know without a shadow of a doubt I placed myself here to have this experience because I wanted it and it's ultimately for my greater Good. How can my limited human ego come to terms with that? How does anyone do it? 

All this explained in the last link I said. It's great to conceptually realize this. Yes just conceptually not have is directly experienced.  

@TheAvatarState

[TheAvatarState]

@ChrisZoZo  thanks for all the feedback. That's a lot to take in, and I will try walking every day. "Stop labeling" really got me...

[ChrisZoZo]

5 hours ago, TheAvatarState said:

@ChrisZoZo  thanks for all the feedback. That's a lot to take in, and I will try walking every day. "Stop labeling" really got me...

No problem glad you could get through the spelling mistakes lol.

[Breakingthewall]

I would say, without knowing details, that you have had a profound experience with psychedelics, in which you have realized the illusory nature of apparent reality, of what you really are, and now you have turned that experience into what you believe it to be the reality. you are god etc. but you're not seeing it right now. you remember it, and you know that at that time it was something indubitable, that's why you know it's true, but reality appears conceptual, gray, lifeless. If you were seeing right now through the veil, through the ideas of the ego, your feeling would be joy. the absolute is total fulfillment and there is nothing to understand or question, just letting yourself be filled. 

[Koeke]

On 2/5/2022 at 9:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

despite my knowing of my true Being.

Does this knowing occur now? Who does the knowing? Does the knowing continually happen or only when not engaged in any activity or thinking? What is the boundary of this knowing?

 

On 2/5/2022 at 9:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

Conceptually this should be Nirvana, Liberation, but my life FEELS confusing, circular, and just plain wrong.

 

On 2/5/2022 at 9:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

I know, Conceptually, how reality works

Look for the boundary between feeling and knowing something conceptually.

 

On 2/5/2022 at 9:23 PM, TheAvatarState said:

But I'm frozen. It's not even my step to take. I have so many attachments I feel I have no control over. 

I can only empathize. Personally I feel like I am attached to my conceptual knowing and want to apply that forcefully onto my being and feelings. 

Perhaps I am merely projecting myself instead of empathizing. For me, this quote from Marcus Aurelius was helpful: 

"Men seek retreats for themselves - in the country, by the sea, in the hills - and you yourself are particularly prone to this yearning. But all this is quite unphilosophic, when it is open to you, at any time you want, to retreat into yourself. No retreat offers someone more quiet and relaxation than that into his own mind, especially if he can dip into thoughts there which put him at immediate and complete ease: and by ease I simply mean a well-ordered life. So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself. The doctrines you will visit there should be few and fundamental, sufficient at one meeting to wash away all your pain and send you back free of resentment at what you must rejoin."              - Marcus Aurelius   Meditations 4:3

"dip into thoughts there which put him at immeditae and complete ease: and by ease I simply mean a well-ordered life." this inspired me to realize life and Life are the same. Go to yourself where the boundary of feeling and thinking is, so to speak. And let your insights adjust your nervous system and sense of a disordered life.

 

[TheAvatarState]

On 2/7/2022 at 5:33 PM, Breakingthewall said:

I would say, without knowing details, that you have had a profound experience with psychedelics, in which you have realized the illusory nature of apparent reality, of what you really are, and now you have turned that experience into what you believe it to be the reality. you are god etc. but you're not seeing it right now.

I abused psychs for a period of 3 years, and haven't touched them for at least 2 years. I have almost no desire to try them anytime soon, because I feel I haven't integrated the experiences, and many of them were super traumatic (because I was hot-headed and abused them). I have not experienced the Love "facet" of awakening, but most of the others, which I suspect is partly why I feel a twisted view of the truth. I'm doing much better now mentally, but mostly just naturally because of time passed. I still feel in limbo, sometimes reeling, from the insane trips I had. All that said, I have no suicidal thoughts anymore, I've kept a steady job and am stable. It's just that life feels... hollow, like I'm not IN IT, I'm passively watching someone else's life.

Edit: an infinite being made of Love, having the experience of awakening devoid of Love, would definitely be an "interesting" experience for God to have. 

Edited February 9, 2022 by TheAvatarState

[TheAvatarState]

On 2/8/2022 at 8:57 AM, Koeke said:

Does this knowing occur now? Who does the knowing? Does the knowing continually happen or only when not engaged in any activity or thinking? What is the boundary of this knowing?

Yes it does. Although I think about it and it's implications often, it's not merely a mental exercise. My entire consciousness is shifted from what it used to be. What is, simply is. I no longer look to others for answers. There is "no one" doing it, it's just consciousness knowing itself to be infinite and eternal and untouchable. I experienced being infinite and eternal on many trips, impossible to explain, and now it's just permeated into my everyday consciousness. What is the boundary? Not sure what you mean. 

On 2/8/2022 at 8:57 AM, Koeke said:

this inspired me to realize life and Life are the same. Go to yourself where the boundary of feeling and thinking is, so to speak. And let your insights adjust your nervous system and sense of a disordered life.

Could you please elaborate on what you mean? What that physically and experientially is like? Thanks!

[Breakingthewall]

@TheAvatarState realizing things with psychedelics is useful but up to a point. you become the whole for a while, and then what? you incorporate that experience into your hard drive and continue to interpret reality analytically. what do you get with that? well, a certain detachment, less fear of death, maybe, but you are not embodying the truth. if you are not open to the truth all the time, your life is gray. if you also know that the ego is false, you don't even have the false consolation of the ego. you are empty, you have to be able to open up, to get out of the conceptual mind, to live like that all the time. if not, you live fossilized, like a walking dead man. The good thing is that there is only one path for you. drop the concept, get out of the mind, open up to the present

[TheAvatarState]

@Breakingthewall thank you, I finally feel like someone else at least Conceptually understands what I've been going through! So what's holding me back is my program of labeling and analyzing reality? The issue is, opening up to the present feels like an analytical exercise to me. I would describe it like Alan Watts described it: the receiver held up to the microphone, creating feedback noise. My mind is very "loopy." I can't seem to stop "thinking about the next thought that didn't do it and doesn't exist." It's almost an enigma even to myself. Often I'm like "dude, what are you even thinking about? Get out of your head, silly."

[jimwell]

@TheAvatarState

You have probably fallen into the trap of spiritual bypassing. It is really important to work on your mental-emotional domain first before going deep into spirituality. 

I have the exact opposite experience of your experience. I am grateful every day that God has given me life so I can manifest, experience, and appreciate the beauty and magnificence of existence. I have developed eyes which are very sensitive to beauty that I feel love and admiration every day.

I feel love and admiration when I see my bank account quickly growing, my beautiful red cap hanging on the wall, and when I take a shower. It boggles my mind how much intelligence and complexity are involved in creating that shower head. I imagine myself being in the wild. How do I create a shower head from scratch there? How do I even transform rocks or minerals into metal? ANd how do I manipulate the metal's shape into  a shower head? And the result of such intelligent creation results in me feeing clean and fresh. I love it. This contemplation and undersatnding give me much admiration and appreciation. There is much intellgience (which is beauty) in all things around you. You just take them for granted because your eyes are not sensitive to beauty.

When I listen to music, I feel good appreciating the intelligence behind the lyrics and melody. But I don't stop there. I also think about every musical instrument used to create the music. I think about how the guitar came into exsitnce. How were the strings created? And it's amazing how the strings were structured and aligned to enable easy playing. How about the business side of it? How was the guitar dsitributed or shipped? It must have taken much planning and effort for the guitarist to be able to hold that guitar. This contemplation and understanding doubles my enjoyment and appreciation of the music or song I listen to.

Looking at a tree, dog, or bird ignites joy in me. I'm in awe while looking at God's work of art. It makes me feel my connection to existence. It's a beautiful, spiritual feeling. 

Thinking about my future also excites me. I think about the intelligent systems and good things I will create which will add more beauty and goodness to the world. I think about my future houses in Japan, SOuth Korea, and maybe China. I feel excited thinking about the very beautiful women who I will bang and enjoy.  I also get excited thinking about the many beautiful parks in those countries; parks where I will walk and hang out in. 

It took me more than a decade to accomplish this mindset. I started with healing my very broken soul (childhood wounds and trauma, anxiety, OCD, BDD, agoraphobia, PTSD, depression, etc.). I self-healed; no therapist, no meds. I did mindful meditation and self-designed meditation. I also did much research, contemplation, introspection, and other forms of inner work. But above all is generating or developing self-love. I can't detail all forms of inner work I did because it's 4:30 am in my country and I'm sleepy. I just felt compelled to post in this thread.

This video by Leo in 2018 helps. 

 

And you can see me in action here. ?

http://1drv.ms/v/s!ArRczozlKBxyugRZxooKIxB1Kkw5

Edited February 9, 2022 by jimwell
needed to add the most important thing - self-love

[Nahm]

How to not take life for granted?

Bring attention back to perception and feeling. 

[TheAvatarState]

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

How to not take life for granted?

Bring attention back to perception and feeling. 

A few seconds before I opened my phone to read your comment, I was on the toilet staring at my hand, keeping focus on attention and perception, and not the concept of my hand. Of course 

[Nahm]

@TheAvatarState

 

[TheAvatarState]

50 minutes ago, jimwell said:

You have probably fallen into the trap of spiritual bypassing. It is really important to work on your mental-emotional domain first before going deep into spirituality.

Yes I understand why that's important now, but not everyone plans their spiritual journey. I definitely fell into it, and way over my head. 

I'm very ABLE to appreciate the beauty of this reality, but I often forget about it or intentionally veil it from myself. I'm starting to notice that I label my experience as "not special" and "completely meaningless" because of the concepts of infinity and total relativity. I've come to the conclusion logically that this isn't special, and I project that onto reality. It's weird. I also adopted the belief that I've physically died several times on trips. So I feel like a walking dead man subconsciously. Take all this with a grain of salt, I'm just trying to explore and make sense of my mental state for the first time in a while. 

[Human Mint]

How to not take life for granted? By not taking it for granted, lol.

I get why you ask though, but there is really no way around it

[Breakingthewall]

@TheAvatarState opening up to the present and leaving the mental, the conceptual, is not something that can be done at will, at least for me, but it's possible and very real.  you already know that no idea is the truth, right? the truth is limitless, you cannot think. but even knowing this, we think. for me there is no single way, the first thing is that a real opening has happened, meditating, psychedelic or whatever. It's fundamental to achieve this . After, is to add daily meditation, constant intention of opening, of leaving the smallness of the mind, and I also need chemical help. when I see that my ego begins to turn to stone again, I begin to fossilize, and there is no meditation that softens it, I give it a 5 meo bomb and I can be free again. The good thing is that it is needed more sporadic, but I admit that without that I would end up fossilized

Edited February 9, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[TheAvatarState]

23 minutes ago, Human Mint said:

How to not take life for granted? By not taking it for granted, lol.

I get why you ask though, but there is really no way around it

Incredibly insightful, God bless ?

[Human Mint]

The whole premise of this forum is to create an amazing life for oneself So see what you can do with it

[TheAvatarState]

16 minutes ago, Human Mint said:

The whole premise of this forum is to create an amazing life for oneself So see what you can do with it

Oh really? I thought it was to bullshit and to pretend to "be on the path."