My brother needs help

[trenton]

I live in a small house with my sister, brother, and grandma.  I have a room, my sister has room, but my brother sleeps in the living room with my grandma.  My grandma and sister are pointing out that my brother is touching himself inappropriately.  He makes up excuses like "I have money in my pocket" or "I need to go to the bathroom."  I can see straight through this.

In some cases this becomes a serious issue.  In high school there were kids who touched themselves during class under the desk or had sex in the bathroom.  it can be accompanied by sexual harassment or inappropriate comments that get you in trouble.  this could lead to teenage pregnancy or expulsion.  Other people look at this person like they are stupid, but in fact this is a worse way of sexuality coming out given a poor enough environment.  For the first time I have empathy for these people and I have an easy time not judging them.

How should I help my brother?  I need to make sure he does not get punished or hurt himself. I think I should point out to him that basement bathroom has a lock.  I would remind him of the consequences of touching himself while others are present not because of is evil, but because it is not in his favor.  We would then discuss the proper balance to strike so that this does not happen multiple times a day or goes beyond the basement bathroom.

[Windappreciator]

doesn't he have a room?

[happyhappy]

@trenton touching oneself is not an issue per se. if he is exploring through adolescence, those actions are quite normal.

may I ask how old he is?

10 hours ago, trenton said:

How should I help my brother?  I need to make sure he does not get punished or hurt himself. I think I should point out to him that basement bathroom has a lock.

 

and try not to make him feel bad about himself or guilt cuz of his behavior. that  might make him suppress his sexuality that might find a worse outlet. and yeah, how is ur relationship with your bro going?

if u have quite a stable strong relationship, pointing out to him the possible repercussions might solve the prob for good!

 

[trenton]

@Windappreciator he does not have a room.

[trenton]

@happyhappy he is 13. 

I understand fully well that touching oneself is not an issue.  I am more concerned about his lack of a better outlet.  I intend to point out the consequences by explaining how guilt backfires on these types of issues.  I could make a dozen examples of more easily.

I don't want my brother to feel ashamed of himself and get in trouble somehow.  That is what I am trying to avoid and I have no intention of building him.

[happyhappy]

6 hours ago, trenton said:

@happyhappy he is 13. 

I understand fully well that touching oneself is not an issue.  I am more concerned about his lack of a better outlet.  I intend to point out the consequences by explaining how guilt backfires on these types of issues.  I could make a dozen examples of more easily.

I don't want my brother to feel ashamed of himself and get in trouble somehow.  That is what I am trying to avoid and I have no intention of building him.

hey! u see why 13 is ominous!   

and that is good he does not use porn, which he eventually will find if this continues. what is a better outlet in ur opinion? 

also consider that ur grandma and sis might be paranoid about these issues as they might misunderstand ur bro's actions. these boy's issues are mostly alien to females and they can project negative connotations at them.

if he does not touch oneself in public and jerk off in a legit way, no problem right?

[Ulax]

It sounds to me like there's a lack of boundaries in the household.

I mean the poor dude has to share a room with grandma at 13. Seems like he's lacking a lot of privacy, which is an important thing for children.

If he has no place that is his own, then anywhere he jacks off is innapropriate.

[trenton]

@happyhappy a better outlet is anything private, but not excessive or in a way that causes physical harm.  A similar example is with sex.  so long as it is at the house rather then in a public bathroom which some people end up doing.  There is no problem so long as my brother avoids any negative social consequences and punishments.