Slutty classmate - I’m triggered

[Pavement]

Go and read about ‘internalized misogyny’  

https://vocal.media/viva/signs-you-re-dealing-with-internalized-misogyny

[Thestarguitarist14]

25 minutes ago, Pavement said:

Go and read about ‘internalized misogyny’  

https://vocal.media/viva/signs-you-re-dealing-with-internalized-misogyny

C’om now LOL.  

[Pavement]

@Thestarguitarist14 what? Lol 

[Michal__]

Well, there's nothing you can (or should) do about how she dresses.

[Thestarguitarist14]

1 hour ago, Pavement said:

@Thestarguitarist14 what? Lol 

LOL at  what you posted.  It’s a joke right?

[Gesundheit2]

Take her alone and start making out. That's what I would do.

[StarStruck]

Develop your own sexual power so you won't be intimidated by other girl's sexual power.

[Windappreciator]

uff, tough situation.

maybe you can show her that studying is better than getting grades via seduction?

[Asayake]

From my point of view, since I am not personally involved with this situation. I can see clearly that it is funny and not really a big problem. There have been many such cases in my life where something appears to be a problem when it really isn't.  But it is merely a distraction from what you really ought to be focusing on. Either it's a distraction or it's a pointer to something you could work on in your own life. You don't need to befriend the girl.. but would it be so bad if you did? Your negative perception of her might change completely once you get to know her.

[flowboy]

10 hours ago, K Ghoul said:

I’m a female. It’s a new semester and there’s this other new female in my class who’s acting provocative - dressing up slutty/showing off her skin,legs, takes up class time by asking semi-irrelevant questions and giving lengthy answers to the Professor while playing with her hair. I have a feeling the bitch has a crush on him, I can just tell. 

 

My question is how can I ask her politely and without getting in trouble to shut the fuck up during lectures? Is it a legal/appropriate practice in the US colleges to ask another student to not ask questions during lectures? I don’t want her to complain on me, at the same time it really is affecting the quality of my studying - every time she engages with him I just want to throw her out of the window, so I’m losing focus and have to calm down and ending up missing following the lecture material that’s being presented.

 

7 hours ago, aurum said:

@K Ghoul Your shadow is popping up to say hello.

What is this actually about?

@K Ghoul  Very few quality answers here, but this is one.

You are on a self-development forum, so maybe you see it coming...

Your reaction to her behavior is what is called a trigger, caused by your shadow.

You have two choices:

1. Try to get rid of the external trigger (asking her to shut up), which, even if it works, resolves only this situation. Life will bring you more situations like this, where you get the exact same annoyance, again and again. You can keep fighting the situations, but it will drain your energy.
2. Do shadow work, look inside and this way you can stop being annoyed and reduce the stress you experience from this.
   If you do this, perhaps even one good session is enough, life will bring you more slutty dressing girls but you won't even notice it. You'll stay calm and peaceful and will be able to ignore it and focus on what you care about, in every situation like that which comes after.

[Etherial Cat]

@K Ghoul

As it's been said many time above, some repressed shadow elements are popping up in your awareness .

Since this situation is involving another woman, look for a potential feminine wounds through this type of questions:

• What is your relationships to femininity and females in general?
• Is there any internalized misogyny?
• Do you see other women as competition for male attention?
• Do you have a personal wound when it comes to seduction?

Otherwise... Regarding this specific behavior, I know it's common for women to resent a specific girl for what is perceived as an unproper use of sexual energy, which "cheapens" the collective power of the group.  If you don't find it on the individual level, you can also look for that one.

Sometimes, a woman can be tacky or cringey in the way they flirt and other type of wounds can be triggered (simultaneously or by themselves) . A feeling of embarrassment and/or a feeling of disempowerment comes to my mind, which might be combined with other shadow elements.

Edited February 4, 2022 by Etherial Cat

[Identity]

Life will present you with the people and circumstances to reveal to you where you are not free - Peter Crone

[BlueOak]

Flipping this on its head, I once heard it said that if someone was obviously the most beautiful girl in the room they were less comfortable. 

This might be a shadow or not, lets explore. If you are more attractive and she is getting attention that you think is yours: Why do you need that attention from your teacher? Why do you care if she's hitting on him isn't that between them, on them to sort out? 

Alternatively do you think flirting with teachers is breaking some form of trust, ethical code or structure, it often is, but its for him and her to work out. That's one thing that won't be your shadow but more of an ethical or moral dilemma that you are witnessing playing out. If she was getting better grades as a result for example, I can completely understand you being annoyed at that. Not everything is inner work, sometimes it really is just a messed up situation you've stumbled into.

Bluntly, it all comes down to why you are angry or annoyed at this. If someone is using sexuality to get ahead, and its compromising you in some form, its understandable to have a reaction, otherwise its really none of your business what two people do or don't do. Assuming the age is appropriate and laws are being followed.

*Also on the attention point, if he ends up teaching her more than you, I can also understand why that would be unfair and cause resentment among the class.

Edited February 5, 2022 by BlueOak

[K Ghoul]

Many good input here, thank you. It really has more to do with what @Etherial Cat  said about “and unproper use of sexual energy, which "cheapens" the collective power of the group”. The classmate definitely realized she has some “powers” but she hasn’t learned how to harness them yet. She doesn’t have integrity, and life has taught me that it’s something you either have or you don’t. This is the type that will be willing to sleep her way through to the up and if/when things don’t play out well will bitch and moan about how men in power tried to take advantage of her, fuck her, rape her, abuse her etc. 

Reminds me of that famous quote about how things that you owe end up owing you. 

 

And yes, I do have violent temper I don’t know if that’s something I can change or work on. My theory is that as long as I don’t physically harm anyone I’m good to go lol It’s just genetic/ I have inherited my father’s character and it seems like undoing it/rewiring the entire personality will be more work than the output/profit from it so I just don’t think it’s worth bothering trying to change. In terms of this particular case - the bitch is stealing my time by taking away from the professor’s attention, if she wants to suck him off she has to not use shared time to advance her purposes but do it on her own free after class time. She is being rude and inconsiderate of others. 

[Etherial Cat]

13 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

Many good input here, thank you. It really has more to do with what @Etherial Cat  said about “and unproper use of sexual energy, which "cheapens" the collective power of the group”. The classmate definitely realized she has some “powers” but she hasn’t learned how to harness them yet. She doesn’t have integrity, and life has taught me that it’s something you either have or you don’t. This is the type that will be willing to sleep her way through to the up and if/when things don’t play out well will bitch and moan about how men in power tried to take advantage of her, fuck her, rape her, abuse her etc. 

Reminds me of that famous quote about how things that you owe end up owing you. 

Alright, then I've got something for you if this specific point resonated.

53:11, I hope this helps you dig a bit further ! 

19 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

And yes, I do have violent temper I don’t know if that’s something I can change or work on. My theory is that as long as I don’t physically harm anyone I’m good to go lol It’s just genetic/ I have inherited my father’s character and it seems like undoing it/rewiring the entire personality will be more work than the output/profit from it so I just don’t think it’s worth bothering trying to change. In terms of this particular case - the bitch is stealing my time by taking away from the professor’s attention, if she wants to suck him off she has to not use shared time to advance her purposes but do it on her own free after class time. She is being rude and inconsiderate of others. 

You can change this for sure. You are not your temper, and your temper is not fixed in stone. And what you've inherited from your father is also likely not genetic but some intergenerational trauma.

Work on it. The pain that is not transformed will always be transmitted. And as long as it will not be transformed, you'll be the first to suffer from it. Like you are today.

Frame that "bitch" as your teacher. And consider she's might be someone who managed to triggered some massive healing for you. 

 

[K Ghoul]

@Etherial Cat  

7 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

intergenerational trauma.

 

What is THAT? Haha
Thank you for trying to help but it really has nothing to do with envy and/or trauma  The classmate is just an annoyance that I am hoping will go away soon - when the material starts getting too advanced for her to continue playing with it.

[K Ghoul]

On 2/4/2022 at 5:50 AM, Asayake said:

You don't need to befriend the girl.. but would it be so bad if you did? Your negative perception of her might change completely once you get to know her.

At this moment she hasn’t shown herself to be someone that I would want to associate with so no.

[Loba]

I don't like that kind of stuff, either - it annoys me a lot, but I have found ways to reframe it.

I had a friend who was really slutty and she did the same thing, and she used to be very average as a kid but grew up into a very beautiful girl - and was just way too flirty and what changed my opinion of her was when she told me that her dad had raped her as a kid.
She just grew up learning that sexuality was a way to get certain things from abuse.
Maybe this girl has learned that is the only way to get through in life is by using her beauty in that way, and it is actually quite sad because beauty not only fades, but she misses out on actual growth.

If you are smarter and don't need to do that sort of thing to get good grades then you are already ahead and she is just some random, acting out her own problems.  Since you know nothing about her, you can reframe how and why she is doing these things - try viewing it as a cry for attention, something that will inevitably backfire in the long run.

Cheaters usually lose.  You have to do the work to succeed.

Edited February 5, 2022 by Loba

[Lyubov]

college professor would be the biggest cock tease of a career. basically surrounded by young women and in a position of power over them but any misstep and it’s a #metoo to being fired and exiled.

[bejapuskas]

35 minutes ago, Loba said:

I don't like that kind of stuff, either - it annoys me a lot, but I have found ways to reframe it.

I had a friend who was really slutty and she did the same thing, and she used to be very average as a kid but grew up into a very beautiful girl - and was just way too flirty and what changed my opinion of her was when she told me that her dad had raped her as a kid.
She just grew up learning that sexuality was a way to get certain things from abuse.
Maybe this girl has learned that is the only way to get through in life is by using her beauty in that way, and it is actually quite sad because beauty not only fades, but she misses out on actual growth.

If you are smarter and don't need to do that sort of thing to get good grades then you are already ahead and she is just some random, acting out her own problems.  Since you know nothing about her, you can reframe how and why she is doing these things - try viewing it as a cry for attention, something that will inevitably backfire in the long run.

Cheaters usually lose.  You have to do the work to succeed.

I second this, I also know girls who unfortunately learned this way.