I met the Devil in my dream

[QandC]

Lately I've been having extremely crazy dreams, to the point where I wake up almost every morning around 5 am. drenched in sweat and panic, with severe anxiety. The rest of my life has improved vastly in the last few months and I've gotten rid of some depression I used to experience during the evenings.

I guess my brain is rewiring itself in some way and by going meta I see this whole process as a positive thing. However, it doesn't make my nights less terrifying and strange. Yesterday night I probably had one of my top 5 scariest nightmares ever. The reason I tell you this is not just to explain about my dream. We all have dreams. But to tell you how I can actually feel how the dreams causes a permanent shift/change in me based on what I experience within the dream.

The first dream I had yesterday was about my father killing me. He drove with me in his car and purposefully crashed it in hope that I would die. After this I had to run away from him, while dripping blood from my wounds.  I don't remember too much from that particular dream except that I was on a constant run and I was experience intense fear. Next dream I had was shifted into my childhood home. It was night time and my parents had to go away for some reason. I was left alone feeling exremely scared and nervous about the night, as if I was facing something horrible. What I was facing was the Devil. Now, I know that the Devil is actually just me, or the selfish part of me, but in the dream I met the archetype of a typical demon. Once the time arrived, and my anxiety peaked, I saw the devil appearing on my bedroom wall. He was staring at me and smiling at me, saying there was nowhere to go. I had to confront him and he attacked me with his horns, penetrating my body. After this happened as a sort of climax, he disappeared and re-appeared again, as a more subtle/vague version of himself. This time I fought back, I managed to punch him right when he hit me. And it was at this moment I woke up in panic.

The fear was so strong that when I woke up I actually believed that it was real. I could physically feel how I just got violated/penetrated by some sort of demon, and at the same time some energy was "leaking out" of my system. When I fell asleep again I didn't dream of anything. And when I woke up the day was extremely peaceful. The rest of the day was just me feeling very "numb" but in a way where I didn't care about/fear anything. Like some sort of extra power or strength was covering me. When I am outside I usually pass many judgements (from past social anxiety), but it was like this was totally gone. Like I had already experienced the worst type of fear ever so nothing could really face me anymore.

I don't really know what power dreams can have over one's life, but it def. feels like for me personally they are a way or resolving extreme conflicts within me.  They do resolve something, and my days are spent in harmony, however my nights and early mornings are filled with pain and horrible anxiety where I have to deal with resolving all problems. Needless to say, I'm really f*cking terrified about falling asleep tonight, what if I encounter something even scarier?

Strange indeed...

Edited February 3, 2022 by QandC

[Tim R]

29 minutes ago, QandC said:

Needless to say, I'm really f*cking terrified about falling asleep tonight, what if I encounter something even scarier?

Then it can't hurt you. It can't hurt you. It's just a dream, like a movie. When you go to the movies, let's say to watch a horror movie, you might get extremely scared, but you know it's alright - albeit not at the moment when you're getting scared. But before you see the movie and after you leave the cinema, you know that everything is fine and that there never was a danger, at all. But it sure did seem so! 

And it's the same thing here. You can fall asleep peacefully, knowing that even if you should have another scary dream, it can't hurt you, no matter how scary it is. 

[QandC]

@Tim R True, it cannot hurt me. But if all of life is a dream then nothing cannot actually hurt me in life either, but it doesn't make things less scary or less painful. Same thing when I'm asleep, I cannot know what is real or not real when I'm in my sleep until I wake up.

But thanks for the encouragement anyway bro 

Edited February 3, 2022 by QandC

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, QandC said:

what if I encounter something even scarier?

The scariest thing you can encounter is yourself

[hyruga]

You are creating your own devil so why be afraid? Just let go. Each of us has less than 8k weeks to live anyway.

Edited February 4, 2022 by hyruga

[Tristan12]

5 minutes ago, hyruga said:

You are creating your own devil so why be afraid? Just let go. Each of us has less than 8k weeks to live anyway.

You can't just rationalize fear away like that, if it were that simple he wouldn't be writing this post

[UnbornTao]

See if you can simply stop that reaction. Be willing to experience whatever the fear relates to, or stop creating the possibility of a future. By necessity, this will eliminate fear.

Try to see the experience as it is.