Not going anywhere with my life

[fopylo]

haha, lol. Am I fucking kidding myself?

Who do I think I am?

Did I really think I'll be able to get out all of life's problems with simply believing that meditation and mastering my emotions would solve it all?

Seeing my brother, who is younger than me in 2 years already gaining lots of success for his age...

Let me start from the beginning:

I am a young man, 19 years of age, have always been a talented person, whatever I decided to put my hands on I've managed to get a good grip of it. I've done well in some areas of school, my peak being finishing mathematics at 10th grade with a very high score. My piano skills are very great. I am making effort socializing and therefore had some great experiences at camp. But this wasn't enough to cure this thing which is bothering me...

I am still not getting anywhere, with this so conceived "potential"!

My brother, who is all day on the computer is not such a great student, especially in maths, almost exact opposites. This guy has been editing fortnite videos for big YouTube channels and is making like 300$ weekly, weekly!
I'm not around him much since I'm still at camp but it seems like he is going out much more, mostly to play basketball with his friends. Now that was surprising since he doesn't do much sports (doesn't eat healthy) and I thought he has only like 1-2 friends. And, he also bought himself a fucking CAR. It is obvious that my brother has a skillset, understands business, managing well with his friends, oh and he is also starting to get good grades, better than mine.

You know, this is quite funny... Not too long ago I used to genuinely worry about him. I used to worry about his health, about his richness of life, heck even tried getting him to go to the same camp I'm in (for the next gen) with the help of a friend from camp. Haha, this is so jokes... Reminds me of what my mom once tolled me, "you don't need to worry for him". I don't even care now if my brother thinks the same for me.

Look how things fucking turned out.

I honestly thought that my life will be very great, as just this was a common pattern for me, that things eventually turn out for my favor, has been like that for me in many things.

Now look - No concrete skill for the market, confused about my future career/business, shit position in the army, not so much money like my brother.

Man I need to calm the fuck down with this spirituality. It doesn't feel that good, I'mma focus on this real life don't care what spiritual ideas you try to install in me now. Too much spiritual conceptualizations turns into the deadliest traps.

Yeah I am experiencing jealousy I know, and I can express the anger (which I'm doing now), and allow discouragement to follow... Right.. @Nahm
But this then makes me think "ah.. good, problem solved because there are no problems to solve, it's all about raising your vibration" which does feel better but will keep me stuck if no new action is taken. It is also true that I do not always feel this way, that I must start taking real action.

I don't like imagining "my future life" which will involve hard discipline and shitty work and being miserable. I can let that thought go, but I'd love to go a step further than simply letting the thoughts go, because usually I stop there, after alleviating the situation. 

[Personal Shaman]

Great, so there are no problems to solve and you know what you don't want in "your future life".

 

What do you want?

Take this step further and create your dream, it's as simple as that. 

Only, please, dream big.

[fopylo]

7 minutes ago, Personal Shaman said:

Great, so there are no problems to solve and you know what you don't want in "your future life".

7 minutes ago, Personal Shaman said:

What do you want?

Before answering that, I'd sincerely like to know if there's any value in expressing what I don't want, because sometimes it feels almost wrong to suppress saying what I don't want

 

9 minutes ago, Personal Shaman said:

Take this step further and create your dream, it's as simple as that. 

Only, please, dream big.

Easier done when it's only that, simply to choose goals, desires, and find a greater purpose to live for.
Harder when you are confined with spiritual methods.

A little poem I wrote:

When methods seem pleasant,
they seem pleasant to the mind

The realm of conceptualizations,
that you fall into,
Which is -

The opposite of truly expressing

The opposite of truth

[Guest EmptyVase]

Your body is a vehicle, your fuel is your thoughts and emotions.

If you got a ferrari and a full tank of gas, it won't drive unless you push the pedal.

If you got a ferrari, but you fuel it with water, it ain't gonna run that well, regardless of pushing the pedal.

Check out the cognitive triangle. It's basic premise is that your behavior is deeply intertwined with and influenced by your thoughts and emotions - and vice versa.

Change your behavior, and you change your thoughts and emotions.

Change your thoughts and emotions, and you change your behavior.

It's always helpful to check out the status quo (cognitive triangle):

How am I behaving?

What am I thinking?

What am I feeling?

And then change the status quo according to your wants and your vision.

But to me it sounds a bit like you don't really have a vision of your own and thus compare yourself to your brother. I'd suggest letting your brothers thing be his thing, and do your own thing.

Travelling, introspection and psychdelics helped me to get my vision straight and be inspired. But it's not really the travel or the psychedelics which inspire you, it's the shift of focus that happens when you go tripping.

[Personal Shaman]

38 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Before answering that, I'd sincerely like to know if there's any value in expressing what I don't want, because sometimes it feels almost wrong to suppress saying what I don't want

Get it out of yourself if you feel like it. Say it out loud, journal about it, punch it into a punching bag?? Whatever works.

Don't get too attached to whatever it is. The Spirit doesn't recognize yes/no, it's a constant flow of abundance and if you say you don't want X is as if you said that all you want is X. 

 

41 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Easier done when it's only that, simply to choose goals, desires, and find a greater purpose to live for.
Harder when you are confined with spiritual methods.

You live in a quantum energy field. There exists everything you have and haven't imagined. You're here only to experience, create, lift and shift energy, bask in all the beauty the Earth gives you, and use your, actually - literally, Godlike creating abilities, as much as you desire. 

Realise that, right now, you have a will to do something specific, more than anything else. There certainly is a child inside you that does, depending on how aware of that you are, maybe you can tell what it is. But perhaps you're pulled back by thoughts of 'more important (relevant) things' like maybe money, success, car, career, ...you tell me?

 

Or maybe you hear somebody saying 'I can't', 'I'm too weak', 

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

haha, lol. Am I fucking kidding myself?

Who do I think I am?

?

These aren't your thoughts. You are, quite literally, not capable of thinking of yourself in these terms. But let's not get into it right now.

 

If you realise that there are no problems to solve and everything is great, do you also acknowledge that you are completely whole and worthy of unconditional acceptance and love, health, joy, fulfilment exactly as you are? 

And do you see that the notion of lack is completely false?

Stop with spiritual bullshit and trying to get grounded in the present moment. Especially if it doesn't serve you.

There is no present moment, there is only constant, ever-present, ever-continuous flow. 

There are far more fruitful techniques than the spiritual ones (by which I mean eastern Buddhissmalike zen ideas) and certainly much older, better proven than them.  Most of them can't even realise the most fundamental Love qualities and dualities within God, but I'm not gonna go into a rant here.

 

Take responsibility for yourself, finally.

Ask yourself what you really want. The answer will eventually come to you, depending on your physical body, either through an image, a thought, a sound, or whatever else, just let it come. And you will feel that it's what it is.

Don't resist, anything. Don't be biased towards anything. And be ready to taste a whole buffet of experiences.

Get on the motherfuckin' train and catch a ride to the Age of Giants, where you belong.

Lol, it's, like, completely foolproof, what else is there to say...

[itachi uchiha]

once i hit rock bottom. i reached a point where i cant take anymore. i started doing self help. fast forward today,  i am happy and i am in a very good position. back in the day there was this kid who was very smart and was the top of the class. i use to be jelous of him. but he made a lot of mistake in life. now i am schooling him about life. he is dependent on me for self help.

 

u should choose a field and work 3 hours per day for 10 years. if u do that u will reach the top 1 % of the population in  that field. and let me tell u , being in the top 1 % of people in a field is immensly satisfying. u will be in flow state if u reach that point. einstein started studying science at age 15 . after 10 years he came up with theory of relativity.boby fisher took 10 years to reach top. wherever u look there is a story of a young man, who started learning in a field and after 10 years of hard work, he reached the top

 

 its good to seperate spirituality from expertise.

[Yarco]

You mention your brother a lot but only mention your mom in passing. I'm guessing most of the stuff you're feeling is the voice of your overbearing parents in your head. I'm guessing they're 1st generation immigrants, nothing you could do for them was ever enough, maybe they even seemed to favor your brother over you sometimes? Now all that stuff is coming up again.

At 19 your life is barely getting started. It's way too early to say it's not going anywhere, there's not even any momentum there yet. Of course meditation and mastering emotions won't provide the material benefits your brother is getting. But on the other side, his mind is probably in an even worse state because of it.

Maybe you should tell your brother how you're feeling, that you're proud of how much he's accomplished and wish you had the same kind of success you had. Maybe he can show you how to do the video editing too if that's something you're interested in, or you can use your strengths to help his business in some area that he's weak at. I'm guessing you aren't interested in that, and probably your ego couldn't bear to live in his footsteps either.

If you need to take a step back from spirituality and focus on real life stuff, do that. You've still got all the time in the world. Shit man, if you figure out life by the time you're 25 you're lightyears ahead of most people, and you've got 6 years to accomplish that.

With the kind of determination and high standards you've got for yourself, I can't see a future where you're doing shitty work and being miserable. You'll figure it out. Do you think your brother is miserable editing videos making $300/week? You'll find your equivalent of that thing.

[Nahm]

15 hours ago, fopylo said:

I can let that (pessimistic) thought go (and feel contentment, and then naturally hopefulness, and then naturally optimism, enthusiasm, passion & empowered), but (instead) I'd love to go a step further (skip over boredom) than simply letting the (pessimistic) thoughts go, because usually I stop there (at pessimism), after alleviating the “situation” (frustration, irritation, impatience). 

Don’t skip, and don’t stop short. 

Life’s happening for you, not to you - and only now. ‘Not going anywhere with my life’ is a discordant thought, which is now… and that is where you’re going, so to speak. Focusing. But you can listen & receive the guidance in regard to that thought. It would be most difficult to say, wether the guidance or the possibilities are more abundant. Best go with not two. 

A man bangs relentlessly on the monastery door, “let me in! Let Me In!!! I need to know this peace!”, to which the monk reply’s, “but if I let you in, there won’t be this peace”. 

[fopylo]

13 hours ago, EmptyVase said:

But to me it sounds a bit like you don't really have a vision of your own and thus compare yourself to your brother.

yeah @EmptyVase

13 hours ago, EmptyVase said:

Travelling, introspection and psychdelics helped me to get my vision straight and be inspired.

I know for certain I would like to use psychedelics in the future but
a) I'm too young for it
b) I don't have a way to get it and not a great time logistic wise

The best I could get my hands on is perhaps weed, but even that isn't quite certain

[mememe]

@fopylo are you more unhappy about him finding a path, or him showing you, there is another path? why do you think you can’t change the turn of your life? are your decisions set in stone and unchangeable? why did you choose your path? maybe what you are doing currently is merely a stepping stone. don’t compare to him, maybe the younger one can be a leader and a roll model, too, sometimes. why do you think he got so much selfesteem?

you don’t really think psychedelics will help you, do you?

Edited February 3, 2022 by mememe

[fopylo]

12 hours ago, Personal Shaman said:

But perhaps you're pulled back by thoughts of 'more important (relevant) things' like maybe money, success, car, career, ...you tell me?

@Personal Shaman

Most of the time I am following desires that are more unique to me (not necessarily following them but at least acknowledging them)... It's just that things are starting to get more real and I also need to survive in this life, you know.

12 hours ago, Personal Shaman said:

Or maybe you hear somebody saying 'I can't', 'I'm too weak',

also, can't find myself to be super unique for the market place.

12 hours ago, Personal Shaman said:

If you realise that there are no problems to solve and everything is great, do you also acknowledge that you are completely whole and worthy of unconditional acceptance and love, health, joy, fulfilment exactly as you are?

I realize that focusing on solving problems keeps you stuck in the realm of thoughts, and what you really want is to feel better.

 

12 hours ago, Personal Shaman said:

Ask yourself what you really want. The answer will eventually come to you, depending on your physical body, either through an image, a thought, a sound, or whatever else, just let it come. And you will feel that it's what it is

What you're referring to is a hunch. I get those sometimes, but then for some reason I take my focus off of it, especially after I write it down on the dream board because "it doesn't matter anymore after I wrote it down".

How old are you?

[Nadosa]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

Don’t skip, and don’t stop short. 

Life’s happening for you, not to you - and only now. ‘Not going anywhere with my life’ is a discordant thought, which is now… and that is where you’re going, so to speak. Focusing. But you can listen & receive the guidance in regard to that thought. It would be most difficult to say, wether the guidance or the possibilities are more abundant. Best go with not two. 

A man bangs relentlessly on the monastery door, “let me in! Let Me In!!! I need to know this peace!”, to which the monk reply’s, “but if I let you in, there won’t be this peace”. 

..the man was knocking from the inside.?

[fopylo]

11 hours ago, Yarco said:

maybe they even seemed to favor your brother over you sometimes?

I'll be honest with you, most of my life it actually seemed like they favored me over him (this is not necessarily the case but I just got more attention because I was quite "gifted" in some areas and had more interesting things happening in my life). Now he gets it all, and I can actually see how my father likes him. They really don't seem to worry much about him and trust him more. I wish I could also have more trust from my parents, not that I don't (I am at camp travelling so I guess this gives them enough trust. And my father is ok with the idea I fly overseas with a friend), but the trust you get from knowing where you're going with your life.

 

11 hours ago, Yarco said:

his mind is probably in an even worse state because of it.

I don't want to necessarily assume that. He is obviously managing to maneuver himself to high places. But yeah, who knows, I don't know if his emotional life is that rich.

 

11 hours ago, Yarco said:

I'm guessing you aren't interested in that, and probably your ego couldn't bear to live in his footsteps either.

You know, I can actually quite bear it. I've improved a lot last year and I am able to be happy for his successes. True, I most likely couldn't bare living in his footsteps but I could help him gain more success. But why are you saying that?

 

11 hours ago, Yarco said:

Shit man, if you figure out life by the time you're 25 you're lightyears ahead of most people

This is exciting to hear. Even more exciting is the fact I'm 19 and started this journey like a year ago, and the amount of insights I've got and my understanding from Nahm puts me in a very great spot. I sometimes have the thoughts of "wow, imagine then how I would be in a year from now, heck, at 25, even 21!"
But I must not get caught up too much in those concepts because at these ages life is taking turns and I need to practically be ready for them.

 

11 hours ago, Yarco said:

Do you think your brother is miserable editing videos making $300/week?

It seems almost like his life purpose. He's extremely good at it, like a prodigy my god

[Nahm]

@Nadosa

Yep!

Infinite intelligence: I’ll go fourth, and right outta the gate I’ll get a big dose of selflessness, and this will inspire desires & dreams like never before, and I’ll write em on the dreamboard, and I will be and fulfill them all! I will trust in myself! 

Ego: Oh hell no, fuck all this, what a rip off. I don’t have time for this morning meditation nonsense. 

With respect to action, law of attraction is but one of the Immutable Laws. 

 

LAW OF ACTION

The Law of Action points to the continuum that is the actualization of Divine Oneness, manifest as creation. The Law of Action states that in manifesting one’s dream, one must employ inspired action aligned with one’s thoughts, emotions, ideals and words.

Whereas motivation is most often action taken as motive to avoid undesirable circumstances and situations, inspiration is focus upon thought & action arising of sincerity & aligned heartfelt desires.

This alignment with & of being is often pointed to with terms like equanimity of the mind, body & emotions, being ‘in spirit’ or ‘spirited’, flow, or flow state, streaming, or stream entry, authenticity, honestly, humility & earnest intention.

 

“What a man can be, he must be. This need we call self realization”.
Abraham Maslow

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
Gospel of Thomas

“You can definitely vacuum without it being plugged in,
but you won’t really be getting much done.”
Esther Hicks

[Nadosa]

15 hours ago, fopylo said:

haha, lol. Am I fucking kidding myself?

Who do I think I am?

Did I really think I'll be able to get out all of life's problems with simply believing that meditation and mastering my emotions would solve it all?

Seeing my brother, who is younger than me in 2 years already gaining lots of success for his age...

Let me start from the beginning:

I am a young man, 19 years of age, have always been a talented person, whatever I decided to put my hands on I've managed to get a good grip of it. I've done well in some areas of school, my peak being finishing mathematics at 10th grade with a very high score. My piano skills are very great. I am making effort socializing and therefore had some great experiences at camp. But this wasn't enough to cure this thing which is bothering me...

I am still not getting anywhere, with this so conceived "potential"!

My brother, who is all day on the computer is not such a great student, especially in maths, almost exact opposites. This guy has been editing fortnite videos for big YouTube channels and is making like 300$ weekly, weekly!
I'm not around him much since I'm still at camp but it seems like he is going out much more, mostly to play basketball with his friends. Now that was surprising since he doesn't do much sports (doesn't eat healthy) and I thought he has only like 1-2 friends. And, he also bought himself a fucking CAR. It is obvious that my brother has a skillset, understands business, managing well with his friends, oh and he is also starting to get good grades, better than mine.

You know, this is quite funny... Not too long ago I used to genuinely worry about him. I used to worry about his health, about his richness of life, heck even tried getting him to go to the same camp I'm in (for the next gen) with the help of a friend from camp. Haha, this is so jokes... Reminds me of what my mom once tolled me, "you don't need to worry for him". I don't even care now if my brother thinks the same for me.

Look how things fucking turned out.

I honestly thought that my life will be very great, as just this was a common pattern for me, that things eventually turn out for my favor, has been like that for me in many things.

Now look - No concrete skill for the market, confused about my future career/business, shit position in the army, not so much money like my brother.

Man I need to calm the fuck down with this spirituality. It doesn't feel that good, I'mma focus on this real life don't care what spiritual ideas you try to install in me now. Too much spiritual conceptualizations turns into the deadliest traps.

Yeah I am experiencing jealousy I know, and I can express the anger (which I'm doing now), and allow discouragement to follow... Right.. @Nahm
But this then makes me think "ah.. good, problem solved because there are no problems to solve, it's all about raising your vibration" which does feel better but will keep me stuck if no new action is taken. It is also true that I do not always feel this way, that I must start taking real action.

I don't like imagining "my future life" which will involve hard discipline and shitty work and being miserable. I can let that thought go, but I'd love to go a step further than simply letting the thoughts go, because usually I stop there, after alleviating the situation. 

The harsh Truth is. And many "awakened poeple" brush it off with their "immortality"...Life is fragile. And being happy with its fragility brings about peace.

[Guest EmptyVase]

@fopylo

Your focus is on why you can't do it.

"I don't have the time/possibilities to do so."

Yet, you throw away the tool of introspection which is free and always available. Again, what's powerful about the psychedelic and/or travel in this case is that you start to introspect deeply, which is a shift in focus.

You might be underestimating the power of introspection and emotional transmution. And I'm not telling you here to sit on your ass all day and introspect and transmute - that's great! But introspection and emotional transmution lead to deep involvement with life. This ties back to the cognitive triangle.

A shift in focus is what's necessary for you - the shift on why you can do whatever you want to do, INSTEAD of focussing on why you can't do it. As soon as you start to shift your focus on why you CAN do it, opportunities will start to show up.

[Nadosa]

'The absolute acceptance is Buddhahood, that’s why Buddhas never suffer, it’s all the same for them, they are always happy. The road from understanding it to knowing it is paved with tears, don’t be afraid to cry! The eyes full of tears can see the truth.

 

One cannot appreciate the fragility of life before one knows its futility. It’s connected. The less futile one imagines life to be, the more meaning one assigns to it, the more callous disregard one will have for its fragility. Up to the point of sending their children to death for the ideas of family legacy, Game of Thrones style. Fragility of life cannot be truly appreciated for as long as its futility is not. That’s why the morality of a Buddha is the absolute morality, it’s the complete reversal of the morality of the ego. From egoic perspective, Buddhas are immoral, because they don’t care about all this “very important” stuff that ego cares about, such as honor, prestige, bravery, family values, or different forms of tribalism. But from the perspective of a Buddha, egos are immoral, because by caring about all this stuff they become cruel and callous. For a Buddha, life itself is the ultimate value, the highest value, the only value, no other values are even possible. The body is all there is, everything else is entertainment, a joke. But ego takes it all very seriously, and that’s what makes humans different from animals - our insane acts of cruelty, coming from the utter confusion about life.'

- Artem Boytsov

[Dryas]

Substitute spirituality with something like stoicism

[Personal Shaman]

35 minutes ago, fopylo said:

also, can't find myself to be super unique for the market place.

13 hours ago, Personal Shaman said:

What marketplace? Don't try to fit in within the matrix, work around it, take advantage of it. You can never really escape it, yet you still can get anything you want out of it, or rather out of yourself. 

Especially in the online age, earning income is probably easier than ever, one year of solid work can put you on 10-15k$/month. Look for what is ALREADY (and has always been) selling (I'm looking at you, health, body, relationships, money, sex et cetera), don't look at what YOU can give to the World specifically (although you have to be passionate about what you're doing, contemplate it). It's the information age, sell knowledge, people are paying ridiculous amounts for stuff that would take them 5 minutes of googling.

There's a 2002 movie 'Catch Me If You Can', a pretty cool and true story. 

If money's what's holding you, then just work on it, it's easier than you think.  

Drop any negative beliefs about money and go for it. We live in a World where we exchange money for basically everything at this point. Do you love yourself, want the best shit you can get for yourself? Delicious organic food? Travel to lit spots? Have enough time to focus on your emotional development, hobbies, passions? Good luck doing it being broke. 

 

43 minutes ago, fopylo said:

I realize that focusing on solving problems keeps you stuck in the realm of thoughts, and what you really want is to feel better.

What you really want is to feel. Better is an idea, period. I've never asked you to focus on solving problems, and I believe you've mentioned, that you realise, there aren't any really.

 

44 minutes ago, fopylo said:

What you're referring to is a hunch. I get those sometimes, but then for some reason I take my focus off of it, especially after I write it down on the dream board because "it doesn't matter anymore after I wrote it down".

How old are you?

I'm not familiar with a hunch or whatever, if it works, then sure? I guess.

Drop the Abraham-Hicks, New Age, or other bullshit. Or whatever law of attraction things you've read and hasn't worked.

If it's not working for you then it's obviously not working? People put shit on dreamboards, repeat affirmations, visualise the same stuff each and every day and wonder why it hasn't yet materialised. Wow, who would've thought?

Find some proper guidance if you need it.

My age is not important, I'm probably both, younger, and older than most beings you'll encounter here.

 

 

[fopylo]

Oh great, my brother just sent me on Discord that he created a sick music beat.