Emotions Say Yes, But Logic Says No! Red Flags? Help?

[TRUTH_SEEKER]

I met a person it's been 2 months more or less and we were dating very intensely (seeing each other very often, etc).

Emotions were showing very obvious from both sides...Definitely one step away from a stablished relationship.

On holidays, he traveled to his hometown and we had a stupid disagreement from distance. From that point, he shut down communication.
It was not the disagreement itself that made me upset, but the attitude of not giving room for communication.
When finally back in town, he selfishly decided it was time to have a conversation.
We made up and had an amazing period of joy and deeper connection after that.

Two weeks later, he came to sleep over at my apartment (after I had a tiring day at work). He insisted I had a "weird energy", but I was just tired!
He got mad and reactive, thinking I was hiding something from him. We had a discussion, and after a very awkward dinner, he decided to go back to his house.

That pissed me off again, because he was withdrawing at the time we should be communicating the most.
The next day, he texted me saying that it might have been just an impression on my "weird energy" and I told him I was upset about his withdrawal the last night. He answered that "he didn't feel like getting into all that".

Later that day, he decided to ask if we were not talking anymore as if everything was magically solved. He told me to "move on and let it go", which I'd agree if I wasn't so pissed at not being able to communicate and solve everythng. I got a bit reactive, pointing him all the attitudes that made me upset and telling him that those were red flags for a relationship. He got mad and called me crazy, telling me to fuck off!
I then broke up with him, stating that I don't relate to childish, disrespectful people who can't face and solve problems in a relationship as a "team".


I know I also made mistakes by being reactive, but I don't know either I go back and try again or  just save myself from future draining situations.
What makes me more upset, is that all happened through text. We didn't have the chance to solve things face to face!
Are those red flags enough not to go back, or should I go for my emotions and try to be a bit more understanding and forgiving? 

 

 

[Shin]

Refrain from any relationship untill you can't be "pissed of" by anyone ever again

--------> Self-actualization/spiritual/shadow work growth.

All I see from your post is "my ego can't stand that" "my ego doesn't want that" "my ego doesn't know what to do" etc etc ...

Untill you can clearly see your thoughts from an another perspective and not suffers from them anymore,

Relationships will always brings you pain.

 

 

Edited January 11, 2017 by Shin

[TRUTH_SEEKER]

1 hour ago, sadlabounty said:

You also seem very caught up in judgements, which may come across as narcissism to him.  This a common neurotic tendency and is another indicator of your unreadiness for relationships.

@sadlabounty Can you explain this better to me please? Thank you for your point of view!

[TRUTH_SEEKER]

@sadlabounty Nice. It's always good to see an outsider's point of view! Thank you so much!

I forgot to mention a big detail: I just moved to a new country and definitely got over attached to him, since I don't know many people here yet...

[clytaemnestra]

19 hours ago, TRUTH_SEEKER said:

he shut down communication.

 

19 hours ago, TRUTH_SEEKER said:

he selfishly decided

 

19 hours ago, TRUTH_SEEKER said:

He got mad and reactive

 

19 hours ago, TRUTH_SEEKER said:

He got mad

 

19 hours ago, TRUTH_SEEKER said:

called me crazy

 

19 hours ago, TRUTH_SEEKER said:

telling me to fuck off

Please read it few times out loud. This is how I, as someone objective without any emotions, see him. 

[Guest Annetta]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200811/the-fear-shame-dynamic

http://the-love-compass.com/2014/03/29/getting-off-the-roller-coaster-breaking-out-of-the-anxious-avoidant-cycle/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/boomerang-relationships-the-yo-yo-girl/

Stuff to look in to: attachment theory - specifically how anxious attachment and avoidant attachments come together in relationships, passive aggressive men and controlling women - how that dynamic plays out, and the fear-shame dynamic in couplings.

Doesn't seem like he can give you what you need, and visa versa.  Lots of fish in the sea.  I would try to find one that reacts to your needs, fears and insecurities with compassion - then your reactions based off of insecurity will decrease, and it seems like he needs a woman who is more calm and detached because perhaps fear makes him more shameful/reactive.  Thus you both have a bad pattern going already so early on.  From what I am reading it doesn't look like you two are each other's types - best to jump ship before you fall madly in love.  Good luck!! <3 <3

Edited January 12, 2017 by Babybat

[TRUTH_SEEKER]

@Babybat Just a detail: we're gay guys! 

I get confused whether we're just starting to figure out each other deeper - and then comes some conflicts - or just being both too reactive - and therefore it's a red flag for the future.

Even though @clytaemnestra also points out some red flags for relationships, I feel that I might have jumped the ship too early.

I know I can also be stubborn about my ideals and opinions as being exemplar (as @sadlabounty said previously), so I think we could both try to work things out: He can try to improve communication, and I can try to be more tolerant.

If that doesn't work, then I think we should end that relationship for good.


 

[Guest Annetta]

@TRUTH_SEEKER Oh I see.  I suppose then that probably wouldn't be beneficial to you, except for attachment theory possibly.  I hope you get it sorted out and that whatever happens and whatever you choose that it ends up working in your favor.  Good luck dude!!