How To Dissolve The Need For Love?

[Alicja_]

Hello! 

I will just get to the core of the problem. I have this need to be loved and taken care of. This need is  neurotic, and I believe, it is coming from past  traumas, violence, abandonment, suchlike. So basically, throughout my life, I keep having this need inside me which is  like a balloon, growing, expanding. I'd like to release this tension, this emotion, this loneliness. Because I don't want to pull out the alleviation of pain from any relationship with other human being. I don't want this need satisfied by another being than me. I want the cure for this pain and I want to be the cure myself. I try digging inside my subconscious where I uncover the source of pain. I accept it, I take it all. The process is sometimes emotionally laborious. So I take all the anguish in, I somehow let it go, and I can release the pain for some time.  Still, it always comes back unexpectedly. The neediness to be loved and nurtured. Like a baby.  

You know, if I release this neediness, bury this emotional pit in my chest, I could possibly create relationships without the fear of losing someone. Without always feeling threatened and deficient in love. I'd like that. Perhaps, the key is to be kinder and more loving towards myself so I do cultivate self-love and acceptance. Or other times I detach from these emotions via meditation. Other times, again, I let them envelop me, eat me alive, being mindful all the time. It's quite fascinating. All these ways are good ways. I see benefits.

Perhaps, I'm doing everything alright, it just may take more time to cure myself.  I know that this deficiency in love cannot be filled by other people's love. I believe this pit is booked  exclusively for my love, my understanding, appreciation, whatever. 

 I just wonder if you guys have any thoughts about it. 

Cheers.

Edited January 10, 2017 by Alicja_

[alyra]

who is the person who is always going to be in your life? it is you. who is the person who you need love from the most, and who you love the most? it is you. this is not selfish at all - this is just a simple observation. if you do not love yourself more than anyone else, then who will? if you do not care for yourself more than anyone else, who will? love for another is a beautiful thing - but love for one's self is a guaranteed fact of your life. it won't go away, even if you disbelieve that it is there - even if your neurosis hides it - you are the person who takes the most intimate care for yourself, and there is no way anyone can get closer. in this way - even if you do not feel it as strongly - even if you do not think about it as often - you do, in fact, love yourself more than anyone else. if you grow the emotional effects of this love then you will no longer feel the pit of loneliness.

 

do not mind my matter of fact speech. it is just how I speechify. 

Edited January 10, 2017 by aryberry

[Bob84]

Our egos want it, our egos need it, our egos drool over it. And we attach ourself to it and don't recognize what is truly going on.

[MaxBlank]

Your past is absolutely unchangeable. The best thing that I found to minimize the awful moments of my past is to do just that- minimize them. This can be done by being good to yourself in present. As the present moments also become the past, the unpleasant moments will recede, just like objects in a rear view mirror.

I suggest not bring up the past anymore, the best view of the past is watching it fade. Add to the present you desire simply by doing what is good for you now. You will eventually see that it brightens your future as well.

[ajasatya]

@Alicja_ you're doing it properly and you know everything you need to know already. that's really good.

i'm going to be real. there's no easy way. the more courage you have to face that pain the better. feel that pain. watch it come up and face it straight. then watch it fade away like every phenomenon.

keep it up. be on your healing journey without the love of others until you completely realize self love. it takes time but it has to be done.