Ego-death (even Partial) Can Be Very Physical, Holee...

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Hallo everybody. So, I was tempted to write 'ego death IS very physical', & then figured it was my own experience ('my' ha ha), so I decided to not project my experience onto any of you beautiful beings.

I will share a little though.

Last night at about 3 in the morning I was sitting in my comfy parlour chair in my bedroom.

Ok, wait.. quick lead up... I had my first non-dual experience months ago, mid summer. Leo showed me something, & it went into me and I had an opening, after many months of searching for... something. The quickest flash of actual connection with my Source was what it was . Half a second. It was not a feeling of connection with everything and anyone by any means. It was the briefest possible glimpse and instant recognition of the one universal consciousness thing. BANG! You knew. You just knew. You were. And it wasn't separate. I could write a book about my path, but we're exploring one aspect of this journey in this post, not a big picture thang.

Since late summer I've read about 15 books, I'm reading about 10 more at the same time lately, and I've watched over a hundred lecture and educational type videos. Cosmology, spirituality, neuroscience blah blah blah. The syncronicity that I have noticed since waking up a little, and in retrospect, in my life and concerning a few key people around me, is remarkable and unbelievable.

I have been working, in my own way, very hard to dissolve the ego as much as is possible for me, any way, any time, anywhere I am able. How could I not?

So... ego death. 

The in-dwelling truth that I AM, has been burning through ego-walls for days now. In Leo's 5meo vid, he describes one aspect of ego-death as, to paraphrase; "It's like love, nothing but pure love, like Niagara Falls volumes of love just pouring into you, just going into you and choking you with it's volume, immensity, and endlessness."

Uh.. yup. The unboundless pure love? Yup. And coming out of you as fast and hard as it goes in. You can't contain that.

Man I'm long-winded. The point is, I guess, that when this happened to me, the love that burst out was forceful like something that had been pounding at the walls from INSIDE for months and months. Man, there's that pounding and pounding, but you may not even hear it at first, it's so foreign (seemingly). Then.. maybe picture a fracture on the inside wall of the Hoover Dam. It wears away & wears away little by little, with an entire goliath river of force behind it. Bit by bit. Day by day. Hour by hour if you're very mindful. Then that point comes, holy crap, I just realized it's like the event horizon of a black hole, only imagined backwards... The resistant force of the wall is now past that threshold point. Not quite exploded through yet, but over the course of the wee hours of the morning..  well, if I had to choose one word for the lead up to the burst-through? It's a quickening.

Ok, ok, what's it like when it GOES?

Undescribeable, but I may be able to give you a taste. 

Ever watch video of fighter jet pilots managing to endure heavy G-force?

Ok, substitute LOVE for gravity, then have the maximum force assault your body and entire ego not only inwards, from not one, but ALL directions, and flow outwards, from no direction, in ALL directions... and you're getting close.

Last little note to qualify and clarify the title of this post. Anyone who has experienced giving birth, or their partner during the last pushes of heavy labour may relate to this; I thought my ex-wife was going to crumple & bend those chrome grab-bars attached to the side of the bed near the end.

Last night, when the dam burst, I remember being mindful enough to turn the clench-pull of my hands curled around the end of the chair arms to a 'grip-only' thang, so I wouldn't rip them right off.

I also vividly recall my surprised, flabberghasted, weak-ass little ego going "oh no, oh , no, oh no, no, no, no, no, what the fuck, what's happening to meeeeee!!??!!?

Wow, words don't do any of this justice of course.  I love this so much now. It's no longer work, it's play and balance.

Ego is here. This experience was an undescribeable breakthrough for me, but this was only partial ego death, or just a big big beginning sort of thang. 

Ego is still here. 

BUT IT SURE IS ONE WEAK-ASS LITTLE BITCH!!!  WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Edited January 10, 2017 by FirstglimpseOMG
Grammar, spelling.

[Leo Gura]

Good, that's a start.

Try relaxing and surrendering more next time. Open up the physical body and un-clench everything.

Your physical body is carrying a lot of resistance in it. The body carries many repressed emotions. A big aspect of this work is becoming much more aware of your physical body, learning to listen to it, learning to care for it, and learning to relax it. All part of spiritual purification.

An enlightened master's body is very different than a regular person's body. Because he's purified it so much.

[jse]

"Ego death" is practically impossible for us mere mortals - our beliefs in an ego will "die" naturally after our body's last breath.

Beware of following advice from self-proclaimed wannabe gurus who act as if they are ego-less - they are generally stuck in the biggest of ego trips, the so-called Messiah Complex.

Just being aware of what you are not, this it is enough to travel lighter through life - no need for the death of something that is not real.

 

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Hi Leo, thanks again. I'll remember for the next time.

 @jse  Hi there. Oh man, I'm not smart enough to get all messianic. Plus, when I realized that I AM, it follows naturally that YOU ARE TOO. 

[abrakamowse]

Nice @FirstglimpseOMG  thanks for sharing.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

@John Flores Hey there. It took me a good while to understand what the ego is, & I still wrestle with everything, almost constantly. For a good while, mindfulness seemed like a lot of very conscious work. With a good line of 'aha' moments though, and a recent understanding of how to create a positive feedback loop of mindfulness/growth/incremental progress/incremental results/immediate benefits of the work/the benefits enhancing the process and making it easier... it DOES get easier & more natural. There's so much realization and insight going on in the mind. And then my ego thinks it's doing well, and I want to do the 'fist pump' triumphant, jubilant, "I'm making progress!" thang. 

My illusory self is all happy when I get closer and closer to realizing it's not at all what I thought I knew it was, and then that same self wants to chide itself for being as prominent as it was/is.. 

I know, I know, the ego shrinks a little and the core nothing/everything that I AM is slowly waking up & recognizing ego-centric thought for the constant self-centered jumble of confusion, & madness that it is.. but it sure is easy to get lost along the way. 

Ha! I guess 'less and less lost' ..is progress. 

(It sure takes some getting used to to make a little progress but deny that 'I'm so clever' thang when you do!)

@abrakamowse  My pleasure. I'm elated to be realizing this work is all so genuinely exciting when you start, even just start, to get it closer & closer to Truth. Thanks for being part of the cure.

Edited January 12, 2017 by FirstglimpseOMG
Typos

[abrakamowse]

I am now in a moment where I don't know what I am doing, I just keep doing it because it's the situation in this moment. But I am not thinking anymore (as much as before) on the future... sometimes I feel lost, sometimes blissful.

But I try not to get attached to any thought or emotion as mine. I feel identified with your post @FirstglimpseOMG  

But not so identified just in case, to not cling to anything Lol...

 

[jse]

17 hours ago, John Flores said:

@FirstglimpseOMG Everything we do is for the ultimate purpose of the Creator of all. As long as your intentions are aligned to just that, you are on the right track.

This.

[jse]

On 11/01/2017 at 1:23 AM, FirstglimpseOMG said:

So... ego death.

...

Ego is still here.

 

Sounds like... you Want To Break Free

[FirstglimpseOMG]

I forgot all about that song & vid, go Freddy!

 

 

[FirstglimpseOMG]

On 12/01/2017 at 11:13 PM, abrakamowse said:

I am now in a moment where I don't know what I am doing

Apparently that's a great place to be, according to the masters that talk a lot about 'surrender'.

I guess the 'keep on doing anyway' thing is a much more genuine, easy & natural 'doing' in contrast to all the doing that 'knowing' produces. We really only 'know' very little it seems. I suppose this is the 'non-doing' that's often discussed.

[abrakamowse]

@FirstglimpseOMG  I agree, we really have no idea of anything. Everything we know is just thoughts. You are right, the only thing we have to "do" is surrender. And probably is not us who is doing it hehehe...

 

Weird!

[Phrae]

On 1/10/2017 at 10:23 PM, Leo Gura said:

Good, that's a start.

Try relaxing and surrendering more next time. Open up the physical body and un-clench everything.

Your physical body is carrying a lot of resistance in it. The body carries many repressed emotions. A big aspect of this work is becoming much more aware of your physical body, learning to listen to it, learning to care for it, and learning to relax it. All part of spiritual purification.

An enlightened master's body is very different than a regular person's body. Because he's purified it so much.

How do you balance that with meditation? I'm currently very tense. I perhaps have the worst posture I've seen a 21 years old have. I am reading Zen-Body Being right now and I am finding myself so frustrated because IT'S A LOT OF WORK! It does feel like I can spend months with what he's proposing.

I'm wondering whether that counts as meditation. What do you think?