Loving-Kindness meditation reassurance

[Ulax]

Hi guys, I'm working hard, and putting in time o my lovingkindness meditation practice.

I would like some reassurance from members of the forum regarding this.

I'd particularly like to hear people talk about the long-term benefits they have gained from doing the practice.

I don't want to receive comments about how I ought to generate this reassurance myself, or how there is little value to this practice.

Thanks in advance.

Edited January 31, 2022 by Ulax

[Timothy]

I can say that doing MDMA therapy (with pure, high quality stuff only, i accept no less!!!!) was unbelievably helpful for me to learn how to love myself.

It is now my crown jewel of therapy and self love.

[Ulax]

@Timothy Okay, not quite what I was after. But, nonetheless, I'm curious.

How would you compare being in a state of self-love to being in one of more self-loathing?

[Timothy]

17 minutes ago, Ulax said:

@Timothy Okay, not quite what I was after. But, nonetheless, I'm curious.

ohh sorry, i think i interpreted this as like, whats a good way to practice self love, and for me the answer is MDMA therapy 100%. A self loving practice i think can be good, but with a psychedelic like MDMA, you can open up the depths of yourself and contemplate easier and find out which parts of yourself youre ready to love, and others you arent ready to.
 

 

22 minutes ago, Ulax said:

How would you compare being in a state of self-love to being in one of more self-loathing?

MDMA taught me that both of these states are beautiful. Pain is beautiful, hating yourself is beautiful too. Being in a state of self love, which will be unique to everybody, is quite beautiful, and feels like nothing else. There's depths and degrees to it, and its not a race or competetion, just enjoy where you are, and love yourself more only if and when youre ready. trying to force yourself to love parts of yourself youre not ready to, hurts you, and isnt love. Some parts of ourselves are not ready for love, and showing them love will hurt them more. So all of this can apply to a self loving mediation, id reccomend not pushing yourself and trying to overlove yourself, say what you need to say, feel what youre ready to feel, supress what you need to supress, honor what you need, find comfprt, pleasure and joy. It's all beaitufl, and you are already perfect.

 

[Nahm]

It’s value or helpfulness is in ‘setting the ego aside’, and is most effective preceded by forgiveness and acceptance, and the recognition of having an inner smile. Skipping the reflection and inward orientation of those, leads to the outward seeking of reassurance. But it’s the directness of the feeling desired, from within, right from the source you might say. 

The focus (op) seems to be somewhat pain & gain oriented thinking (putting in time & benefits), which is not ‘setting the ego aside’. The benefit of loving-kindness isn’t a ‘benefit’ per se, but is the loving-kindness. There might be confusion because kindness / niceness is sometimes belittled & discouraged here, or framed as weakness & insincerity, and that impression might have lingered as doubt or self loathing, leading to uncertainty and looking for reassurance about it.

In that same vein, there might be confusion from missing that you are not ‘in a state of x, y or z’. 

Could also consider, in the preemptive discouragement of being told to generate the reassurance yourself… what, thought wise, continues to arise, which then leads to desiring reassurance in the first place. Whatever that it is, it might be mentally held as ‘a problem’, and identified with, and in letting it go through inspection, there might not even be the thought of reassurance any more.

Nonetheless, if you’re just looking for someone to say lovingkindness “works”… lovingkindness indeed works. It’s well being & betterment to all, without exception. You are far beyond deserving of love, you are love. 

[Cathal]

metta has been invaluable to me, I describe it to myself as duality dissolver, you should notice when you are sending whole heartedly intented love to people who you may think have wrong you or you have old attachments to, it can be a very intense experience sometimes and remind you to smile at all of confusion

it's also just a powerful practice all around and very easy to be with a feeling, i think i can fall deeper faster into stages relaxation by softening tension and resistance with the loving kindness intention

just having that intention to bring kindness to a heavy heart will bring out whatever needs to come out, you don't have to feel any kind of warmth and infact i spent months at the beginning just feeling all kinds of painful cold energy and tensions and just bleh

 

[The0Self]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

It’s value or helpfulness is in ‘setting the ego aside’, and is most effective preceded by forgiveness and acceptance, and the recognition of having an inner smile. Skipping the reflection and inward orientation of those, leads to the outward seeking of reassurance. But it’s the directness of the feeling desired, from within, right from the source you might say. 

The focus (op) seems to be somewhat pain & gain oriented thinking (putting in time & benefits), which is not ‘setting the ego aside’. The benefit of loving-kindness isn’t a ‘benefit’ per se, but is the loving-kindness. There might be confusion because kindness / niceness is sometimes belittled & discouraged here, or framed as weakness & insincerity, and that impression might have lingered as doubt or self loathing, leading to uncertainty and looking for reassurance about it.

In that same vein, there might be confusion from missing that you are not ‘in a state of x, y or z’. 

Could also consider, in the preemptive discouragement of being told to generate the reassurance yourself… what, thought wise, continues to arise, which then leads to desiring reassurance in the first place. Whatever that it is, it might be mentally held as ‘a problem’, and identified with, and in letting it go through inspection, there might not even be the thought of reassurance any more.

Nonetheless, if you’re just looking for someone to say lovingkindness “works”… lovingkindness indeed works. It’s well being & betterment to all, without exception. You are far beyond deserving of love, you are love. 

^^^ 

@Ulax

I approached Metta in quite a similar way to Nahm's comment. Learned from Bhante Vimalaramsi. TWIM is the practice I'd recommend if one has already decided to practice Metta, fwiw. It seemed to be associated with very highly agreeable side effects. Just good all around.

[Ulax]

@The0Self TWIM?

 

[The0Self]

45 minutes ago, Ulax said:

@The0Self TWIM?

 

Bhante Vimalaramsi's technique. Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation, as he calls it.