What Would You Do?

[Raptorsin7]

I came across this reddit article and I'm curious to hear how people on the forum would handle the situation?

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/sgcmku/theyre_not_my_kids_and_not_my_problem/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Basically this guys wife cheated on him and so the 2 children from the marriage are not his biological kids and he's going to walk away from the family.

My first instinct is to say I'd never get in a relationship with a woman like that, but idk if I could continue parenting and remaining attached to a situation like this. I would hate to continue to be attached to a crazy woman, but I would feel guilty about abandoning the kids for the sins of their mother.

 

[aurum]

@Raptorsin7

There’s no easy solution to a situation like this because the whole foundation is wrong.

The guy I feel is doing the right thing by enforcing his boundary and leaving. And it’s also likely to be tough on the kids. They’re both true. It’s a Lose/Lose situation that he can’t win. Whether he stays or goes, he’s screwed.

Really a better way to thinking would be how to avoid ending up in Lose/Lose game dynamics like this in the first place.

 

[Preety_India]

The guy should leave the  woman in such a situation. 

Her burden is not his problem. 

Imagine if the genders were reversed, we would definitely tell the woman to leave and not worry about his kids. 

Why can't we say the same when a woman is cheating? 

[PurpleTree]

yea the poor kids

depends on how the relationship is with the kids maybe see them sometimes but i wouldn't want to deal with such a woman

[Roy]

I read that post yesterday. It's absolutely devastating, I feel awful for the guy. As much as it will hurt he needs to salvage his life and self-esteem the best he can, and the ONLY option where he can do that in my opinion is to completely cut her and those kids out of his life. Say one final tearful goodbye to them, and move on.

He should not be guilted into sacrificing his money, time, energy and life into cucking for some other losers kids, for a wife that cheated on him. Something is seriously warped in our culture to argue for that in my opinion.

The kids will have a hard time, but ultimately they will be fine. How about she takes the biological father to court for child support?

Absolutely not that guys responsibility, FUCK that.

 

[PurpleTree]

2 minutes ago, Roy said:

The kids will have a hard time, but ultimately they will be fine. 

why do you think they'll be fine?

i know many kids who grew up without a father, some are fine others definitely not

[Roy]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

why do you think they'll be fine?

i know many kids who grew up without a father, some are fine others definitely not

It's not a great situation, but their dad is probably alive somewhere available to help, and they still have a mother.

It's not like they are orphans or homeless.

 

[hoodrow trillson]

Sorry but that dude is screwed.  If he was there for the births and he's on the birth certificate--he's considered their father.  Especially if he was raising them.  If he leaves, she will tax that ass with child support for the foreseeable future.  

The financial obligation will make him want to end it and snap. 

He's going to get rekt in the courts since it will look like a father leaving his children and wife.

[PurpleTree]

1 minute ago, Roy said:

It's not a great situation, but their dad is probably alive somewhere available to help, and they still have a mother.

It's not like they are orphans or homeless.

 

well their mom seems like a psycho.

good f'n luck with that and no father

[Breakingthewall]

If you have lived with a child from birth to 6 years old, you love him, for him, not for being your fucking son. If you only loved him for being your fucking son, you're a piece of shit. nothing else. Poor kid, but he'll be better off without that piece of shit around

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you have lived with a child from birth to 6 years old, you love him, for him, not for being your fucking son. If you only loved him for being your fucking son, you're a piece of shit. nothing else. Poor kid, but he'll be better off without that piece of shit around

It's easy to say this when you're not in that situation. Reading your words just screams total lack of empathy to me

Like put yourself in the guy's shoes. His world is collapsing around him, basic truths of his life that he's held for years have been pulled out beneath him. Massive destruction of trust

Raising the kids that your wife cheated on you to have? Holy fuck that would be hard. They're a permanent reminder of what she did! How she totally betrayed you and lied to you for years! Jesus fucking christ have some empathy for this guy instead of calling him a piece of shit

The whole situation is terrible for everyone involved, yea it sucks for the kids. But expecting the guy to be a good father to these kids now is extremely unreasonable and may even make it worse for the kids because his resentment will shine through no matter what if he stayed.

Basically the mother is the only person to blame in this situation, everyone else is an unfortunate victim who has to do their best to deal with the aftermath

[Bando]

Thats rough hes going to need a lot of healing after going through something like this. There's is a lesson to be learned in all of this though. As much of shitty situation this is there had to be red flags in the beginning of the relationship.

Someone doesn't do something like this without leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. Being able to properly vet women your thinking about entering LTR is so important. 

@Breakingthewall Learn some empathy ,such an ignorant take, its easy to have a reaction like that when you aren't in his shoes

[Roy]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Basically the mother is the only person to blame in this situation

The blame and responsibility rests entirely on the mother and the biological father.

The guy is a total victim. He's already put in 6 years of work and love more than he should have. He served his time for a crime he didn't even commit.

From my point of view he has every moral and legal right to walk away and never look back. I hope there is crowdfunding for any legal fees and for him to get his life started again.

[Breakingthewall]

yes, empathy towards the poor guy who cheated on him, but not towards a child who loves totally , absolutely ,his father. but it's not what the guy was looking for right? So he returns it. He says that he clearly explained the situation. to a 6-year-old boy.

okay, in this society there is hardly any love, just a sad and pathetic substitute in the form of possession, projection, duty...ego in general, and that child will grow up in this, like all the others. 

I hope the guy finds some authenticity and selflessness in the midst of his ripped off ego and loves the boy he has cared for since birth for who he is. someone who needs him and loves him in other dimension

Edited February 1, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

yes, empathy towards the poor guy who cheated on him, but not towards a child who loves totally , absolutely ,his father. but it's not what the guy was looking for right? So he returns it. He says that he clearly explained the situation. to a 6-year-old boy.

okay, in this society there is hardly any love, just a sad and pathetic substitute in the form of possession, projection, duty...ego in general, and that child will grow up in this, like all the others. 

I hope the guy finds some authenticity and selflessness in the midst of his ripped off ego and loves the boy he has cared for since birth for who he is. someone who needs him and loves him in other dimension

Putting yourself through total misery in the name of selflessness is not always right

At some point you've gotta do what's right for you

If he stayed and looked after those kids now it would end up being very dysfunctional

If the kids were not biologically his alone then it would be fine, however they are the kids of a man who his wife of many years cheated on him with......

You talk big but I am 100% sure if you were in his situation you would not find it so easy to stay. It's easy to talk a big game when you're not emotionally attached to the situation

[Breakingthewall]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

You talk big but I am 100% sure if you were in his situation you would not find it so easy to stay. It's easy to talk a big game when you're not emotionally attached to the situation

I am not talking about staying in the relationship, for much less I would separate, but I would maintain the paternity of a child that I have taken care of since he was born, whom I have taught everything, taken to school, loved, and I would do what is necessary to help him have a good life, exactly the same as if he had my genes. There wouldn't be the slightest doubt.

[Etherial Cat]

I know a guy who found out his dad wasn't his real dad.

I think they both found they weren't related when he was in his mid teens. I'm not sure about the exact details, but I know that this man raised him as his child and refused to abandon him after he found out the truth.

He divorced his wife, though. 

Both are still viewing each other like father and son.