Lost my virginity, but couldnt cum. Need help.

[Ampresus]

Hello everyone.

Yesterday I might have just had the best day of my life. I met up with a girl I had been talking to and my god did we have fun. It seemed like everything went fine, but after pumping for a solid 30 minutes I realized I just couldn't cum. I got hard to a certain degree, but cumming was mostly off the table. I came close to orgasming once, and after it never really came back.

I made her cum though, which I am proud of. I wasn't born yesterday, I know women like more than penetration and so I ate her out. She said she truly enjoyed it and that I needn't worry about it. She said it might just be because it's my first time, the nerves and all that.

Thank the lord she wants to see me again and so I will be visiting her next Saturday. I am so happy that I did get laid, but I truly want to cum next time. One thing that I am already taking into account is not fapping. I won't cum until I meet her, that's for sure. I thought by not fapping for ~2 days I would surely cum when I got to her, but apparently that wasn't enough.

Do you guys have any other advice? Anyone with experience perhaps? I am not even the low libido type of dude. Personally I think it comes because I fap too much, but I am open for all suggestions.

[BlueOak]

Stop masturbating, you are probably desensitized depending how you do it. A vagina is rarely a overly tight grip or a single surface for example.

It will happen naturally, there is usually some adjustment when you first start having sex, you can feel bruising for example if you have sex a few times in a row. Like any muscle things change and adapt. Good thing you found someone who didn't think it was them, which can happen, that's a good sign. 

[roopepa]

2 hours ago, Ampresus said:

She said it might just be because it's my first time, the nerves and all that.

She's right.

This happens to me almost every time I first have sex with a new partner. It's because you're stressed out, self-conscious.

You'll come the next time. Don't worry. Keep it light.

If you feel tired and the orgasm isn't coming, you can take a break. Drink some water, just cuddle for a moment, massage her, hug, kiss. Sex isn't just a about the genitals. Connect emotionally as well. You'll feel a lot more relaxed.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Ampresus said:

Do you guys have any other advice?

Yeah, that's nothing to worry about. First time can be awkward and stressful. I didn't cum first time either. It's easy to get in your head, especially the first time or in a ONS situation. Plus condoms.

Solution is simple: if you can't cum, pull out and jerk off on her face.

[PurpleTree]

i generally always come even if i'm drunk

but one time couldn't get a boner because i was so high and drunk, that was pretty sad. also didn't get a second chance with that woman.

edit: actually when i think about it i might have gotten a second chance, because one time she threw herself at me at a club, but it was a bit messy altogether and i've moved on.

i also think it's "better" to not come than to always come too quick

 

Edited January 30, 2022 by PurpleTree

[Leo Gura]

19 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

but one time couldn't get a boner because i was so high and drunk, that was pretty sad.

Carry 1 Viagra in your pocket. And of course don't drink.

[PurpleTree]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Carry 1 Viagra in your pocket.

sometimes doing that after that situation 

well the gel thing from asia

Edited January 30, 2022 by PurpleTree

[Michael569]

27 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Solution is simple: if you can't cum, pull out and jerk off on her face.

 now that makes for a romantic first night of love 

[universe]

Sex != Masturbation

You'll get comfortable with it.

[Etherial Cat]

8 hours ago, Ampresus said:

Hello everyone.

Yesterday I might have just had the best day of my life. I met up with a girl I had been talking to and my god did we have fun. It seemed like everything went fine, but after pumping for a solid 30 minutes I realized I just couldn't cum. I got hard to a certain degree, but cumming was mostly off the table. I came close to orgasming once, and after it never really came back.

I made her cum though, which I am proud of. I wasn't born yesterday, I know women like more than penetration and so I ate her out. She said she truly enjoyed it and that I needn't worry about it. She said it might just be because it's my first time, the nerves and all that.

Thank the lord she wants to see me again and so I will be visiting her next Saturday. I am so happy that I did get laid, but I truly want to cum next time. One thing that I am already taking into account is not fapping. I won't cum until I meet her, that's for sure. I thought by not fapping for ~2 days I would surely cum when I got to her, but apparently that wasn't enough.

Do you guys have any other advice? Anyone with experience perhaps? I am not even the low libido type of dude. Personally I think it comes because I fap too much, but I am open for all suggestions.

Yes.

Here is my advice: relax and don't put any type of pressure on yourself anymore. All is well. Nothing is wrong with you but that stress and confusion.

That girl seems to be loving, patient and it seems like you've been handling her totally fine . I'm sure she's happy and all she cares about is for you to feel comfortable. 

You don't have to cum to complete the intercourse, by the way. Some guy train themselves not to cum and keep their semen while having sex. 

So see, it doesn't matter at all. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@Ampresus

The harder you try to cum the harder it will become to cum

Just make more experiences so you get over your nervousness and you will start to cum more easily every time, so much so that you might start thinking about how you can last longer and not cum so fast!

[hamedsf]

cum metaphisically instead! 

[Roy]

9 hours ago, Ampresus said:

Do you guys have any other advice? Anyone with experience perhaps? I am not even the low libido type of dude. Personally I think it comes because I fap too much, but I am open for all suggestions.

Not masturbating will probably build up some anticipation in your body, so that's a simple thing you can do.

Next time all you need to do is relax. Good sex is about enjoying the process and spontaneity, don't worry about logical outcomes like a checklist of "Did I cum X number of times? Did we do all the positions she wanted?" You won't enjoy yourself and probably won't be able to get off if you're in your head like that.

Breathe, be present. Enjoy your time with her and everything will work itself out. Did I mention breathe.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

So see, it doesn't matter at all. 

Girl logic: it doesn't matter if a guy cums.

[Gregory1]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Girl logic: it doesn't matter if a guy cums.

@Leo Gura

You interpreted it in "mans logic", thats your problem

[Etherial Cat]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Girl logic: it doesn't matter if a guy cums.

I can't believe this is how you chose to read my comment. 

Negative intent much, bruh ?

Let me clarify : it really does matter that he's sexually satisfied and cum. But if he couldn't because he was stressed, it doesn't matter that he did not. The stress is what prevents him to come, so I'm actually trying to help him relax and not further the cycle.

[aurum]

@Ampresus

It’s all good man. Congrats on your first sexual experience. It’s common to be really nervous your first time, I definitely didn’t finish either. You’ll get more comfortable with time, especially if it’s with the same partner.

The more you relax and take the pressure off the easier it will be to finish. This isn’t speculation, your sympathetic nervous system is not going to let you sexually perform if it’s too engaged. You gotta be in more of a chilled out, parasympathetic state, which is when your body gets the clue that it’s safe to have sex.

Your breath is your nervous system control. When you do slower, light nasal / diaphragmatic breathing, you active that parasympathetic system. When you do quick, heavy, shallow breathing, you active the sympathetic. Use this knowledge do your advantage.

Edited January 31, 2022 by aurum

[Nahm]

@Ampresus

‘Didn’t’ is a little lighter on yourself than ‘couldn’t’. Chalk it up to first time experience, celebrate the victory so to speak. It’ll literally & figuratively work itself out. 

[hamedsf]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Girl logic: it doesn't matter if a guy cums.

girlz hate holding responsibility just like they hate carrying a heavy bucket. 

[Breakingthewall]

forget about cumming, cumming is the worst part of fucking: that's when it ends. the good thing is the while, not the end. If you can spend hours fucking keeping the intensity to the maximum, I don't think anyone cares if you cum or not, least of all you.

advice: completely forget about any evaluation of your performance. This is very difficult at first, so it's not very useful advice, but go with the flow and enjoy the moment. congratulations for that first half hour in your life