how do you deal with people not liking you?

[ChiLongQua]

anyone who doesn't like me is  simply a chitstain.

and there is not a whole lot, they can do about that, besides not being a chitstain.

Edited February 5, 2022 by ChiLongQua

[PurpleTree]

31 minutes ago, ChiLongQua said:

anyone who doesn't like me is  simply a chitstain.

and there is not a whole lot, they can do about that, besides not being a chitstain.

that makes sense

[BlueOak]

5 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

I don't forget people in 5 minutes generally so maybe it's because i tend to overthink, situations, people, social situations etc.  because i grew up as an only child or whatever and always had time to think. So i imagine others doing the same in a way.

Perhaps yes. I overthink things as well, I did learn as I went through life to let go of all but the most intense situations i've come across. The ones that shaped me or were traumatic to a degree which I still struggle with. Beyond those or people that are in our lives regularly, nothing really matters, other than what we make important. Daily interactions that come up once are not very important and have little bearing on life, for me realising that came with age and experiencing enough of them.

Overthinking things and living in your head can be a sign of an unhappy childhood also, or just a way of dealing with what life throws at you learned from when you were younger. Mostly what i've tried to do is shake up your beliefs a bit here with simplified generalisations, just to get you to look at it from other perspectives, even if it only gives you a bit of breathing room or alternative perspectives hopefully it helps. There are as many perspectives as there are people, pick one that helps you, not hurts you.

 

 

 

 

Edited February 5, 2022 by BlueOak

[StarStruck]

Ask the question “what for??” to get to the bottom of the feeling. Keep asking that question. And eventually you will find out that it is about fear and survival.  

Back in the day it was important that people liked you. Not today. So let go of that fear. 

if you are afraid you won’t be able to create abundance anyway. It is an inside job. 

[PurpleTree]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Back in the day it was important that people liked you. Not today. So let go of that fear. 

it might not necessarily be important for strict survival like food and shelter

but it's still quite important if you want to have loving relationships, a stable job, maybe a promotion etc., right?

[Danioover9000]

@PurpleTree

5 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

it might not necessarily be important for strict survival like food and shelter

but it's still quite important if you want to have loving relationships, a stable job, maybe a promotion etc., right?

   That's right.

[Ulax]

Go to a depth psychotherapy, i.e. IFS therapy, or psychodynamic therapy, for a long period of time.

That'll give you the long-term change you really want.

I would guess that your fear of not being liked comes from a conditional love relationship between your parent and you.

[hyruga]

If you are a novice at communication, you can read How to win friends by Dale Carnegie. 

But then after that, you need to transcend them by not needing the techniques learnt...by forgetting everything you read .

[StarStruck]

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

it might not necessarily be important for strict survival like food and shelter

but it's still quite important if you want to have loving relationships, a stable job, maybe a promotion etc., right?

True but there is a difference between doing something out of fear (out of survival) and doing something out of a higher more positive emotion. 

 

2 hours ago, hyruga said:

If you are a novice at communication, you can read How to win friends by Dale Carnegie. 

But then after that, you need to transcend them by not needing the techniques learnt...by forgetting everything you read .

This. And he should also get into transactional analysis. The book games people play is great. 

[FlyingLotus]

On 2/4/2022 at 2:08 PM, Matthew85 said:

Realize that none of us are perceiving people and reality as it truly is. Everything we observe is instantly filtered through thousands of belief's, judgment's and biases we have built up. Some of us have more layers than others, but we all have them. These layers of belief's, judgment's and biases distort what we are observing. Once you truly get this, you realize most people are not able to see you. They only see their distorted perception of you. If you had recently purchased a beautiful painting, you wouldn't ask your blind friend if they liked it. That would be silly. In a sense, that is what we are doing by seeking validation from others. They can't see you, so in needing or seeking this you will continually be disappointed or upset. 

So good I had to bump it ?

[Breakingthewall]

only select palates appreciate excellent bites. the populace prefers mcdonalds.

[Matthew85]

@FlyingLotus Thank you! Yes, this insight has and continues to help me not take things personally. 

[Mosess]

you tell yourself: they are probably projecting their rubbish onto me 

Because that is probably what is happening 99% of the time

The thing with projection, though, is that it is like a trash can.

if it is opened, trash will enter.

if  you close it, trash can not enter and will slide right off.

If your mind is open to their rubbish, you have it within you and you suffer for that

if your mind is closed to rubbish in general, its over.

Edited February 15, 2022 by Mosess

[SgtPepper]

I don't make it about my self and I employ compassion and understanding to empathize with their perspective.