Not what I expected

[Irina Wolf]

Pretty much all my life I've been bullied. I've been the perfect target, keeping comebacks to myself, avoiding confrontation & crying about being abused & never standing up for myself. 

I've been working on my fear of dominant / narcissistic people. This week I spoke a guy; taller, older and certainly more accomplished than I am. I noticed straight away I was dealing with a narcissist however. 

His self praising, promises and pretty words I decided not to take too seriously. He noticed my lack of interest and started to bully me for it. Calling me all kinds of names but I just felt proud to witness I finally love myself enough to not care about being judged negatively/ being called names.

I saw I had the "winning hand" in the conversation and I let it go to my head. I saw myself laughing at him and trying to trigger him for the fun of it. 

Eventually he had 0 ammunition and just started to use my words against me like children often do. Once I noticed there was this sound of defeat to his voice it actually wasn't fun anymore.

Who's the bully now ey? 

Yes, I had overcome being verbally abused or being walked all over. But I never thought I could have actually BEEN the bully. I actually started to feel bad for him & about myself. I thought to myself: wow, what if narcissists actually have built these walls of "self love" around themselves because they're perhaps even more vulnerable to other people than I am? What if they're stuck in their head/ego/mind forever because of their personality disorder? Who am I to laugh or poke fun at him just because he started the pettiness? 

It was fulfilling for a little while until I realized I was dealing with another human being.  

It was funny until I saw I could be just as bad of a bully/monster as people have been to me.  

So this week I have overcome some fears but also learned something about myself I wasn't expecting. 

However this week has given me the strangest appreciation for life.

Is there beauty in ugly moments too? 

[Vincent S]

We are love. Thats our very essence. But the ones of us who lack it, scream and shout the most, to get it. Its a cry for help, a cry for love. But no matter how much love, attention and affection they receive, it wont be enough. What is enough is experiencing love within.

 

[ChrisZoZo]

38 minutes ago, Irina Wolf said:

Is there beauty in ugly moments too? 

There is no distinction between ugly and beautiful, don't hate moments because they are not beautiful, all are aspects of god and are totally perfect. Love all (which include moment's, people and things) as there is no reason to do other wise.

Edited January 29, 2022 by ChrisZoZo

[Cathal]

@Irina Wolf sounds like you're learning the lesson, compassion for those who hurt us when we realize they just project the very same pain they experience - it transcends all the pleasures you get from getting a one up - revenge, vengeful, superiority, definitely feels good.

 but true compassion really sets you free

[Nahm]

@Irina Wolf

Narcissist & personality disorder are thoughts, labels upon yourself. 

[The0Self]

Turn the other cheek or give em one right back. Doesn't matter. This itself is not a judgement, but if you judge someone else you're actually judging yourself in a sense (more like literally, but also in a sense).

[Breakingthewall]

If you've been grow up with narcissists, they'll notice that you're vulnerable. They will engulf you in their game, which is basically sucking your self-esteem to feed on it. Since this is not something you want to happen, you have to prevent it. the first thing is to identify that dynamic, the second, to put firm barriers against it. For me what worked the most is the attack. I know it sounds bad, but when you're in that dynamic you doubt. Kind: it's my paranoia, I'm sure there's nothing like that. and perpetuate the dynamic. On the other hand, if you sin by excess, you may have to apologize, but you are sending messages to your subconscious that will make that dynamic disappear from your life. After that, it will be easier to forgive those offenses of the past. maybe you realize that they were not so serious 

they are just poor scared idiots trying to run away from the harsh reality: their certainty that they are not enough, their inferiority

Edited January 29, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Whatever]

Thou shall not kill. That law of God is written in the eyes of another. The one you would crucify verbally or physically, one esy or another without seeing it. It is God we hurt when we hurt others.

[Irina Wolf]

On 29/01/2022 at 6:35 PM, catcat69123 said:

@Irina Wolf sounds like you're learning the lesson, compassion for those who hurt us when we realize they just project the very same pain they experience - it transcends all the pleasures you get from getting a one up - revenge, vengeful, superiority, definitely feels good.

 but true compassion really sets you free

Indeed!

[somegirl]

Beautiful.

On 1/29/2022 at 4:30 PM, Irina Wolf said:

Calling me all kinds of names but I just felt proud to witness I finally love myself enough to not care about being judged negatively/ being called names.

I can resonate. I have moments when I care about other people's opinions of me and that's because I don't love myself during these moments. 

When you experience lack of interest in what others have to say about you or have this attitude of "I don't care even if they dislike me/talk bad about me", that's when you know you're just comfortable with youself and love yourself.

Though, it's interesting to see that you have started to feel bad for that person, even though that person started this nasty game himself. 

You sometimes have to be a bit of a jerk/make people a bit uncomfortable on purpose (sometimes). That's also form of love. You don't be brutal, but a little poke/comment here and there and they should be put into place. And they will respect you for it. (You stood up for youself)

It's not good to be too nice, nor too mean. You should be somewhere in the middle.

No response is also powerful response, which you did here. But only one who feels comfortable with themselves and have worked on themselves long enough can pull this off without being emotionally damaged.

Ignoring someone and not giving them a reaction is something a narcissist loses their mind over. It's brutal to them. But they probably have their own struggles that have made them be this way. However if I was to encounter a narcissist today, I would be a little selfish and let them suffer a little bit by ignoring them too. Because they started it first lol. That should maybe teach them that they shouldn't mess with me. I value my inner peace wayyy too freaking much for anyone to disturb it. 

Edited February 17, 2022 by somegirl