Interested in people's fors and against for having kids

[rd5555]

In the past i've always thought i'd have kids at some point in my life.

After studying personal development, I've never wanted kids more that I currently do but I've also never wanted kids less than I currently do.

My main reasons for wanting to have kids:

I'm so excited about the prospect of teaching my kids everything I've learned in personal development and teaching them how to create an extraordinary life. I really feel like i'd be doing an injustice to the world.

I love the dynamic of a 5 person family rather than just 2 people.

I feel like in my 50s and 60s i'd really regret choosing to not have kids.

My niece and nephew bring me so much joy so I can't imagine how strong the joy would be with my own kids.

 

My main reasons for not wanting to have kids:

It takes up so much time, I didn't realise until I witnessed this first hand with my niece and nephew) (although they're toddlers so I have a biased view, I tend to think of parenthood as requiring that much attention forever: like changing nappies, having to feed them, bath them, and that whole process that takes hours each day)

I do feel like I'm a very naturally selfish person with my time, I like to do what I want when I want and i love having that freedom, This includes travelling to different countries, just going for a walk etc. But also having time to meditate, relax, do lots of leisure activities, be able to put in all the hard work for my business, time to read books and continue personal development.

 

thanks

 

 

 

 

[Yarco]

(Struggling to type this with a baby in my lap because he'll cry whenever I put him down and I'm gonna have to stop multiple times to stop him crying as I write this)

If you're on the fence about it, I'd say don't do it.

You can't underestimate the time commitment. I know people say it's a ton of work and you'll never have free time or sleep again, but in reality you're giving up your entire life for them. It's not 12 or 18 hours a day, it's 24 hours a day that either me or my wife is in direct physical contact with our baby. I can't play video games any more, I haven't even been able to find the time to work again yet and it's been months. I don't know how people go back to work after a couple weeks in the US.

My baby won't sleep by itself in a crib. So for the first several months I was staying up with him until 4 am while my wife slept, and then I'd sleep 4 am to noon. Only recently we started co-sleeping as a way to try and get back into a normal schedule.

Intuitively it seems to me like as kids get older they're more independent and they're less work. But everyone tells me it's the opposite and it only gets harder.

Even now we're starting to think about a second kid since time is limited, and looking at the pros and cons. I can't think of many good pros that aren't just for selfish reasons.

Most pros of having a kid come from lower on spiral dynamics... creating a family legacy, having your bloodline and last name carry on. Having a little version of yourself to play with.

For me the best reason I can think of is kind of karma. I feel like since I had the opportunity to be alive, I should at least make the sacrifice to replace myself and give someone else that opportunity. You could probably do the equivalent through mentoring or something else though.

I do think you'll regret not having kids when you're older, but you might be able to mitigate it by having a large enough group of close seniors friends.

You can't understate the responsibility, and how easy it is to **** a kid up and completely traumatize them with one off-handed comment you make while frustrated. I used to think trauma was just super serious stuff like kids getting molested or whatever, but recently I've thought back to my own childhood and the tiny comments from my parents that scarred me for life, and they wouldn't have even realized at the time that what they said had such a lasting effect on me. If you think you're a good parent you're probably doing it wrong, you'll never live up to the expectations or do good enough. Make sure you can give a kid a great life with minimal trauma before you do it.

Edited January 29, 2022 by Yarco