The fear of making other people uncomfortable

[Kamo]

On 2/8/2022 at 5:14 PM, PurpleTree said:

any particular book recommendations?

Yes! theres a book called "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts". ground breaking for understanding this!

[bejapuskas]

@PurpleTree  What are you not feeling?

[PurpleTree]

7 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@PurpleTree  What are you not feeling?

It "feels" to me as if you do a little bit of the Jehovas witness thing

where you present your ideology every chance you get, if there's a little opening you present it. 

I think a lot of what you said doesn't really have much to do with the topic at hand. I mean it could have something to do with the topic if i worded the opening post differently but others understood the post better i guess. I easily close off if i feel people come at me with their ideologies etc. So that i'm not really feeling. 

But it's fine i read it, there are also some good things in there and i'm sure there's something to learn from that too. No hard feelings.

[PurpleTree]

16 hours ago, Kamo said:

Yes! theres a book called "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts". ground breaking for understanding this!

thanks, will look into it

[Preety_India]

On 29/01/2022 at 2:01 AM, PurpleTree said:

Besides having a fear of my own discomfort i guess there's a pretty big fear of making other people uncomfortable, especially women.

Has anyone had the same fear and successfully dealt with it?

Would an antidote be to make others uncomfortable on purpose?

Why do you care so much about how people feel? 

[PurpleTree]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Why do you care so much about how people feel? 

don't know. i think i care. maybe empathy and also i'm sensitive. can also lash out if feel been "wronged" or whatever

also feel i can read people good if i look at them, know anxiety very well etc. can easily detect it i guess. but maybe i'm projecting sometimes.

 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

don't know. i think i care. maybe empathy and also i'm sensitive. can also lash out if feel been "wronged" or whatever

also feel i can read people good if i look at them, know anxiety very well etc. can easily detect it i guess. but maybe i'm projecting sometimes.

 

Sometimes you could be mixing empathy and sensitivity with people pleasing, low self esteem and insecurity. 

[K Ghoul]

 

4 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

don't know. i think i care. maybe empathy and also i'm sensitive. can also lash out if feel been "wronged" or whatever

 

@PurpleTree that’s how I am wired too, Purp 

 

 

 

[PurpleTree]

41 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Sometimes you could be mixing empathy and sensitivity with people pleasing, low self esteem and insecurity. 

it's certainly difficult to tell what's what sometimes and try to untangle it.

38 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

 

@PurpleTree that’s how I am wired too, Purp 

 

 

 

we are the same. this must be that famous solipsism that the forum is talking about ?

 

 

[Mosess]

i have had it, and i have dealt with it,

and it was a bit hard.

exposure therapy.

Make 10 people uncomfortable through eye contact.

it could be someone you know, or someone you do not know

look into their souls for 10 seconds straight, without blinking or looking away,

and then increase that 10 seconds to 11, the 2nd time, and from 11 to 12 the 3rd, so on, until you are not so uncomfortable with being uncomfortable

you can blink if the discomfort is hurting your eyes though, 

? 

Edited February 15, 2022 by Mosess

[PurpleTree]

On 9.2.2022 at 11:16 PM, Kamo said:

Yes! theres a book called "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts". ground breaking for understanding this!

ordered

9 hours ago, Mosess said:

i have had it, and i have dealt with it,

and it was a bit hard.

exposure therapy.

Make 10 people uncomfortable through eye contact.

it could be someone you know, or someone you do not know

look into their souls for 10 seconds straight, without blinking or looking away,

and then increase that 10 seconds to 11, the 2nd time, and from 11 to 12 the 3rd, so on, until you are not so uncomfortable with being uncomfortable

you can blink if the discomfort is hurting your eyes though, 

? 

that's funny because i'm always blinking, my eyes are sensitive

thanks though ?

[Kamo]

@PurpleTree Awesome, let me know your thoughts when your done. 

[bejapuskas]

On 7. 2. 2022 at 2:46 AM, PurpleTree said:

Thanks guys, great answers and something to ponder about

 

 

A few examples would be:

For example walking on a narrow sidewalk and for example a woman is going to pass me, then i might feel uncomfortable that she might feel uncomfortable.

 

Or for example i'm looking at someone could be in public transport etc. could be a woman, an anxious guy, a black person, a tourist or whatever, then  i might think if i look at them they'll feel judged or whatever and then feel uncomfortable.

 

Or there is a woman in public transport next to me for example and we road the pt for like 15 minutes and seen each other, then she presses the button to stop at the same stop i should get out, then i might think if i go out now too she might feel uncomfortable and feel "stalked" or whatever, i might even go to the next station to avoid that (those stations are short anyway and i'm between two stations so it doesn't really matter which one i take)

 

with dating stuff, approaching could make her uncomfortable. 

but especially making it sexual i fear might make her uncomfortable because it puts her on the spot, so then i often avoid doing that and wait until she makes it sexual which obviously also isn't great.

@PurpleTree  I think what you talk about here goes much deeper than just making people uncomfortable by walking pass them. Maybe that is mostly you overthinking that people think about you so much?

But then more serious damage can happen when you make assumptions and judgements against groups of people as a whole in my opinion, as it creates fear.