How Do You Create Self Love?

[Peace and Love]

Hey Actualized.org Family,

My new years resolution is to create more self love.  I depend too much on other people's validation for self worth and I don't want to be that way any more.  I've been working on this for the last few weeks, but I feel like I'm really struggling with this.  I know I already have self love, but I still seek approval.  I just want to focus on myself and not think about the opposite sex at all. lol.  I just want to focus on me and enlightenment, and just forget men exist. ...what I mean by that is we can get so wrapped up with society and feeling that we need to be married or in a relationship to be normal.  And I know I don't need to fit into that stereotype, but I'm still drawn to it!!! lol   I know romantic relationships are not important and they will come in time, but I still think about having one!   I just want to shut my brain off and just focus on enlightenment and my life purpose.  It is a very addictive thought pattern, and I'm sure it's involved with a childhood vow.!

I was just wondering....how have you created SELF LOVE in your life?  Is there any good books, or things I can read to create that?  Any good advice?

[Danielle]

Some of the things that work for me are :

- practicing gratitude

-be in the company of people you love, family, friends, a pet

norture your body, take long baths, treat yourself with something

-stop comparing yourself with others

-do something you enjoy for pure fun

-mindfulness

say no when you feel overwhelmed

get rid of all  stimulation and write about what you love about yourself and your life and what you want to accomplish and so on. 

 

Also you can try self love meditation, it does wonders!  

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23741/8-inspirational-books-to-help-you-embrace-self-love.html

[Martin123]

@Peace and Love Peoplepleasing. We all have suffered from that to some extent. It is a result of parents and teachers carrot and sticking us instead of unconditional love. 

The solution is to dig up the part of your shadow self, that craves the approval.

And then let it cry. Let it cry for days without judgement.

how: When you feel like getting validation, go within and enquire. Who are you that is seeking validation? Be kind, be gentle, for it is only a lost child that must be found again.

[Bebop]

@Peace and Love So during my three shroom trips that question came up every time for me and the answer always came back the same. "You Are Perfect". Yeah I agree with you, I think often times we get caught up comparing ourselves to others or trying to find that relationship that will make us happy that we forget it's all a distraction from looking inward. Best advice I can give you is to just be authentic, it was difficult at first but what I realized is that I suppressed my feelings a lot in order to feel validated to others. Also make sure you acknowledge those thoughts, if you try to deny them they are going to keep coming back stronger. I'd recommend meditating on it for a while and see if that helps  

Edited January 10, 2017 by Bebop

[Guest Annetta]

Mmn, yeah I relate.  Still an unwilling member of the Constant Validation Club.  Not sure when the membership expires.

[eskwire]

@Peace and Love Something recommended in therapy circles is called "mirror work."

Quiet spot with no distractions + a mirror. Look at yourself and into your eyes. Repeat phrases like, "I love you, [your name]." "I accept you and love you exactly as you are." etc. 

You can do this for any length of time HOWEVER I cannot recommend enough that you do a long session of one hour. I believe doing that one time makes a 10× bigger difference than 5 mins a day for a month.

When I did a one hour session, it even got kind of sexual toward the end, which I never expected. Sorry if that's TMI, but it was also AWESOME. 

Give it a shot! I think it makes a big shift in the issue. 

[Phocus]

At the risk of pointing towards the obvious, have all of you seen Leo's video related to this?  A very good guided visualization that everyone should run through again if they haven't seen it in a while.  Speaking of which... I have a video to rewatch!

 

 

[Colin]

Another practice that is extremely effective is affirmations. Using the phrase " I love myself" repeated again and again for as long as possible, from ten minutes to an hour, repeated everyday. There is a book written about this practice called "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It". It is much easier said than done, and there will be plenty of blocks along the way such as various fear and doubts. You will be surprised just how much this can change your whole life. I did it for a month or so and it was amazing how music sounded better, food tasted better, movies were better, I effortless gave my self what I wanted when I wanted, and effortlessly chose activities that were good for me, and it benefited others too. You are deeply changing your mind when you do this though, and random fears and insecurities will pop out of the woodwork to stop you and convince you to stop. So I need to get back on this practice. Give it a try!

Edited January 10, 2017 by Colin
wrong book name

[Colin]

@Phocus That video is awesome, I'm going to watch it again right now!

[Peace and Love]

@Martin123

19 hours ago, Martin123 said:

@Peace and Love Peoplepleasing. We all have suffered from that to some extent. It is a result of parents and teachers carrot and sticking us instead of unconditional love. 

The solution is to dig up the part of your shadow self, that craves the approval.

And then let it cry. Let it cry for days without judgement.

how: When you feel like getting validation, go within and enquire. Who are you that is seeking validation? Be kind, be gentle, for it is only a lost child that must be found again.

You have no idea how much I want to cry!!!!  I think a lot of this is more compounded and complicated because i'm dealing with my dad's loss. It's just feels physically hard to deal with.  I know it's simple but maybe I'm making more out than what it really is.  I want to cry but I physically cant.  And when I do cry it's usually if I'm at work and I'm really really stressed, or in my counselor's office.  If you believe in energy, it is considered a blockage in the solar plexus, where we carry the bulk of our emotions. I have literally not cried for over a month now.  It's really hard because I perceive emotions as a sign of weakness and loss of control rather than a release.  

 

[Martin123]

@Peace and Love Well then start with a mindfulness practice where you don't judge your emotions, slowly work your way towards emotional release. There is no shame in criyng, or any other emotion! :-) 
Tell your therapist about it, cry with her/him in the office, it should be a safe space.
Allow your emotions.
I give you permission to be sad. You have earned it.

[Peace and Love]

@Danielle

21 hours ago, Danielle said:

Some of the things that work for me are :

- practicing gratitude

-be in the company of people you love, family, friends, a pet

norture your body, take long baths, treat yourself with something

-stop comparing yourself with others

-do something you enjoy for pure fun

-mindfulness

say no when you feel overwhelmed

get rid of all  stimulation and write about what you love about yourself and your life and what you want to accomplish and so on. 

 

Also you can try self love meditation, it does wonders!  

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-23741/8-inspirational-books-to-help-you-embrace-self-love.html

I think I need to make a to do list and do more of this stuff you are listing here.  I think I'm making this way more complicated than it is right now.  Thanks for the suggestions.  I need to be more aware and focused in the present moment.

[AlwaysBeNice]

You ARE love, but the mind obstructs it with the defensive ego it has build around it self.

[Peace and Love]

@Bebop

17 hours ago, Bebop said:

@Peace and Love So during my three shroom trips that question came up every time for me and the answer always came back the same. "You Are Perfect". Yeah I agree with you, I think often times we get caught up comparing ourselves to others or trying to find that relationship that will make us happy that we forget it's all a distraction from looking inward. Best advice I can give you is to just be authentic, it was difficult at first but what I realized is that I suppressed my feelings a lot in order to feel validated to others. Also make sure you acknowledge those thoughts, if you try to deny them they are going to keep coming back stronger. I'd recommend meditating on it for a while and see if that helps  

Indeed your subconscious is correct.....we are perfect.....you are what you believe yourself to be.  We already are perfect, we already are good enough just as we are right now.  I was meditating the other day too on self love and I got a similar answer saying that I wouldn't exist if it wasn't for Love, so I already do love myself, I just want to make it stronger and a dominant feeling in my life.  I also wrote down this affirmation that came to mind while meditating " I am good enough. I love all stages of my life, no matter where I am at."

[Peace and Love]

@AlwaysBeNice

2 minutes ago, AlwaysBeNice said:

You ARE love, but the mind obstructs it with the defensive ego it has build around it self.

Oh my goodness!  That's what I was feeling and realized when I meditating a few days ago!!!   I was created with love, so I already love myself.  I am LOVE!  I also came up with this affirmation while meditating....."I am good enough, I love all stages of my life, no matter where I am at."

[Peace and Love]

@Babybat

17 hours ago, Babybat said:

Mmn, yeah I relate.  Still an unwilling member of the Constant Validation Club.  Not sure when the membership expires.

I'm calling them today and canceling my subscription right now!! lol

Downloading.......Self Love Software........reprogramming the subconscious mind.......now at 10%......... 

Self Love Software provided by Leo's SelfLove-alized.org.     (For some reason I'm imagining Leo wearing a "hippy outfit", smoking some 5-Meo while meditating  and saying "Spread the Self LOOOOOOVE baby!"  lol)

[Colin]

So I am doing the affirmations again, and it turns out that " I am love" rolls off the tongue a lot better than " I love myself". I'm mixing the two together.

[Bebop]

7 hours ago, Peace and Love said:

@Bebop

Indeed your subconscious is correct.....we are perfect.....you are what you believe yourself to be.  We already are perfect, we already are good enough just as we are right now.  I was meditating the other day too on self love and I got a similar answer saying that I wouldn't exist if it wasn't for Love, so I already do love myself, I just want to make it stronger and a dominant feeling in my life.  I also wrote down this affirmation that came to mind while meditating " I am good enough. I love all stages of my life, no matter where I am at."

That's a good affirmation to have, I need to practice that myself Yeah also I understand what you mean about making it stronger, sometimes life can get difficult especially when you try to act stronger than you feel. Personally I've found myself crying a lot now that I've let myself become more vulnerable and I've found a lot of purification through that process. I wish you luck in your journey, you got this!

[pluto]

When you truly grasp that there is only you here, that we are all simply one consciousness experiencing itself through separation, in that moment you will feel true love, unconditional love/bliss because you've just realized that there is no one else here thus nothing to fear since you are everything within itself. This feeling will ultimately lead to self love and usually for a very long time if you follow the wisdom and stay in the light.

I feel like I've been there and back multiple times, this "in a sense" proves you can lose yourself so if you find yourself, go deep and embrace and surrender to it with every part of your being, because the more you lose yourself, the more you will find yourself.

[Guest Annetta]

@Peace and Love tbh I think leo might be a genuine extraterrestrial. his mom probably found him trapped in an ice glacier and his subconscious mind told him to migrate to nevada to find the rest of his kin - which sadly are probably wet specimens floating in giant vats somewhere in area 51, 200 feet underground.

and due to the nature of infinity, this reality exists somewhere.  it could be this one, you never know.  no one has a head naturally that big unless they're aliens.