Shadow work goes wrong?

[Michal__]

I would just stay of psychadelics for a few months and establish a (not too long) basic meditation practice. She should definitely continue but at a slower pace.

[OBEler]

@Nahm I dont ignore the advice for looking for a therapist.

BUT there are some problems: 

- my girlfriend is japanese, here in germany these therapeuts dont really know how to talks to foreign people

- my girlfriend is highly spiritual, there in germany very few therapeuts are spiritual

- my girlfriend has problems to talk about her traumas, she feels unconfortable to speak her life history in front of a person she cannot trust really (therapeuts are just humans)

- we tried 4 different therapeuts already and she had just one session in each of them. It was horrible to say (I was with her)

 

Sorry but germany is not the best country for therapists

[Nahm]

44 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Nahm I dont ignore the advice for looking for a therapist.

BUT there are some problems: 

- my girlfriend is japanese, here in germany these therapeuts dont really know how to talks to foreign people

‘Foreign people’ is a belief, a projection. This gets in the way of the help. Stereotyping Germans is not helping. 

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- my girlfriend is highly spiritual, there in germany very few therapeuts are spiritual

The help she needs, based on what you’ve shared, has nothing to do with the spirituality of others or what anyone else is. 

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- my girlfriend has problems to talk about her traumas, she feels unconfortable to speak her life history in front of a person she cannot trust really (therapeuts are just humans)

Trust is conceptual. If she’s not willing, she’s not willing. Your believing in these concepts of foreign people & trust could be contributing to her not expressing and letting go of the discord, or enabling.  (No offensive I hope.) Take note of what isn’t / hasn’t been working, and of ruling things out. 

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- we tried 4 different therapeuts already and she had just one session in each of them. It was horrible to say (I was with her)

Sorry but germany is not the best country for therapists

One session then isn’t ample. 

Therapy is for the expressing, the emptying out of the beliefs… but the beliefs are being projected onto the therapists, and (it seems) you are supporting this unknowingly. 

There are also countless ‘people like myself’ who are ‘highly spiritual’. Notice she isn’t willing to try this, don’t judge for that, just hone in on the significance of willingness. Look to try new things, not to rule out based on beliefs / past / judgements / projections, for that is the discord. 

Shadow work doesn’t ‘go wrong’, wrong is a belief / judgement. ‘Shadow work’ is a conceptualization. One is essentially willing or not to inspect, and to dispell beliefs, judgements and projections, which is the uncovering of (a most innocent if you will) love, happiness, truth. 

Assuming you desire to, cause it seems you do and I have no opinion cause it’s none of my business…. by all means, stay with her. But note the distinction of staying with her in a relationship, vs staying where she’s at in misery in regard to communion. In that sense, as cold or counterintuitive as it can seem, you moving on stands to be a powerful catalyst for her to witness. Touchy subject here, let me know if there’s any follow up questions. 

Some distinctions in this regard…

https://youtu.be/EAHPGVrvBFQ

[Breakingthewall]

meditation and willingness to confront the trauma and look it in the face. minute by minute, day by day, year after year. each moment a little more dissolved, until you look the trauma in the face and it's nothing. she's trying, that's what's important. there is will. the problem will be overcome.

[Danioover9000]

   I'd probably say that this is shadow work gone wrong. Also, she needs serious professional help, from what you've said about her.

   

   

[Nadosa]

22 hours ago, OBEler said:

@Nahm I dont ignore the advice for looking for a therapist.

BUT there are some problems: 

- my girlfriend is japanese, here in germany these therapeuts dont really know how to talks to foreign people

- my girlfriend is highly spiritual, there in germany very few therapeuts are spiritual

- my girlfriend has problems to talk about her traumas, she feels unconfortable to speak her life history in front of a person she cannot trust really (therapeuts are just humans)

- we tried 4 different therapeuts already and she had just one session in each of them. It was horrible to say (I was with her)

 

Sorry but germany is not the best country for therapists

By all means. And I dont want to dismiss by any means the struggles of your girlfriend. But one has to outweigh what really feels good vs. spiritual bypassing in concepts. Spirituality as theory wont do shit for anyone if not understood.

[Cathal]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nvs54jjgk5k&ab_channel=cathal

[Barbara]

I’ve seen so many of your posts trying to help her. I sincerely hope she’s doing better.
What I perceive from your posts is that your gf needs external help and psychedelics alone will not do. There are many things that she might need help to integrate, but I feel you guys stopped trying to find help. I remember Nahm offering that help at some point. Hope she acts on it.

The fact that she feels uncomfortable opening up is completely normal for when you’re traumatized and that should NOT be reason enough to not talk to someone. The contrary actually. It means she’s not completely accepting her past but instead trying to repress it.

What does it mean, she being highly spiritual? That she takes an interest in spiritual topics? That she had profound experiences with psychedelics? Those things are not the opposite of getting a therapist, even if he only focuses on the mind.

And if that's getting in the way of her looking for psychological help, then I suggest she stops learning about spirituality and starts pursuing mental wellbeing. One can function well without spirituality, but not without mental health. I think she might be in a big trap and using spirituality as a justification to not open and heal her wounds. So look out for that and don't mess with the natural order of human needs. Spirituality is hardly one, but health is foundational.

Edited February 8, 2022 by Barbara

[OBEler]

Ok @Nahm She can just speak some words Englisch but maybe a talk can help

 

What I mean by Spiritual that she is experiencing normal day like being on the peak of an LSD Trip right now. 

Before She was using psychedelics She said She is naturally on 100 micro lsd. 

Also She can channel many gods(Jesus, Zeus, Poseidon, Maria, Buddha etc) 

Edited February 8, 2022 by OBEler

[OBEler]

You all think that a therapist can help. 

But She visited many therapists and some therapists damaged her even more with their low understanding. 

 

[Barbara]

38 minutes ago, OBEler said:

What I mean by Spiritual that she is experiencing normal day like being on the peak of an LSD Trip right now. 

Before She was using psychedelics She said She is naturally on 100 micro lsd. 

Also She can channel many gods(Jesus, Zeus, Poseidon, Maria, Buddha etc) 

But none of those things helped her to heal her past. I even dare to say it she buried herself in a deeper hole. Her situation is serious and you cannot lose focus on getting better. She might be experiencing all of these crazy things that feel like superpowers but those are not equal to a healthy mind and might be even more damaging to her. 

Have you ever tried an online therapist? Betterhelp, Talkspace, Nahm, other coaches here on the forum, I don't know. I'm sure there's someone in the world that can help her if she wants to. 

Edited February 8, 2022 by Barbara

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, OBEler said:

Ok @Nahm She can just speak some words Englisch but maybe a talk can help

There are online therapists available in virtually all languages. ?? 

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What I mean by Spiritual that she is experiencing normal day like being on the peak of an LSD Trip right now. 

Before She was using psychedelics She said She is naturally on 100 micro lsd. 

Also She can channel many gods(Jesus, Zeus, Poseidon, Maria, Buddha etc) 

These are thoughts (conceptualizations) she and in turn you are believing. It’s purely innocent. This is aversion from expressing emotions. That is what a stranger / therapist is uniquely helpful for, as they (highly likely) don’t share the beliving of these thoughts, and thus have a transcendent (relatively speaking) outside perspective. And that is the key in a big way.  

2 hours ago, OBEler said:

You all think that a therapist can help. 

Her expression helps. Therapist is like a unbiased, unattached, uninvolved place / space holder. 

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But She visited many therapists and some therapists damaged her even more with their low understanding. 

This is going to again have incredibly high potential to offend and I can only hope it isn’t taken that way… enabling can, and imo soon kinda must be recognized. There is also access to those who are much more than willing to help, who have a complete understanding of the universe which they are being. Really open up to all resources available and utilize. ??  Consider she is experiencing the discord of thoughts & beliefs, and you can not join her in this to an extent it’s going to result in there no longer being discord (on her part). 

[OBEler]

@Nahm I forgot to mention She uses some online therapists already in Japan but many have a low understanding of psychology. It is like watching some low content on YouTube about resolving trauma. 

Maybe She wants to take your offer(if it is still avaible). If you speak very simple words with her on english She could understand you. Your writing is highly complicated for me to read, I always need more time to read what you really want to say. I hope speaking can Do it for her

[Danioover9000]

@OBEler

50 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Nahm I forgot to mention She uses some online therapists already in Japan but many have a low understanding of psychology. It is like watching some low content on YouTube about resolving trauma. 

Maybe She wants to take your offer(if it is still avaible). If you speak very simple words with her on english She could understand you. Your writing is highly complicated for me to read, I always need more time to read what you really want to say. I hope speaking can Do it for her

   Is this mostly a long distance relationship with your GF?

[Nahm]

@OBEler

Anytime! 

[OBEler]

@Danioover9000 I meant the therapists are from Japan

 

@NahmThanks

[Danioover9000]

@OBEler

23 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Danioover9000 I meant the therapists are from Japan

 

@NahmThanks

   I meant your relationship with your GF? Is it long distance?

[OBEler]

@Danioover9000 sometimes yes, right now cannot travel to japan because they banned all foreign people

she will be in 2 weeks back in germany

Edited February 8, 2022 by OBEler