This is getting out of hand

[chakra_7654321]

Hey there hope you're having a great day.

Just want to get this out of the way. I am 27 studying Comp Sci at a university, i have a solid gym routine, eat healthy, meditate, understand purpose. I would like to burn through this material pursuit asap.

I don't have a problem with the initial attraction, I am confident in my looks (i am 6'3, brown skin, long curly hair, and have been told in the past that I am "anatomically gifted" in reference to my dick. I've meditated so much that I have the control to not bust and last as long as I can (girls have told me their mouths are to tired lol) 

Anyways, more serious....

I am really struggling with not being in my head. I am so far in my head, that I have crippling anxiety to the point of breaking down because I struggle so much with the conversation topics. It's not so much I am in fear of rejection (I'd say it's 20%), but the other 80% is the fear that I will make a mistake. I struggle so much with letting go of previous mistakes and going forward. Here's the overview, if I am not logical and "being myself" I end up saying some weird shit that turns people off in general. If I try to stay in "a masculine frame" then it just becomes way to logical. Sure, the solution maybe just to talk to more, but I am really struggling with this, I don't know how to convey this over message. Reading over this, it seems like a pointless forum.  As a matter of fact, I made a post with this same topic. I read over the solution everyone gave but I am still back in square one. 

I would like to approach more females, but people wear masks everywhere and it's hard to gauge if they want to be approached or not. I also have this worry that if i am at the gym, and get rejected, that other females at the gym will see and I just can't approach them either.

I have so many thoughts in my head: "Will this come across as creepy?" , "Is this too friendly?" , "Does she want to be approached?".

Even with "High Interest Girls" where they are "choosing me", I just dont know how to go about things. I have destroyed the interest of High Interest Girls way to many times to have any confidence in my verbal game. How do you engage a Females Emotions? How the hell do you text them?  I just for the life of me cannot figure out. How do you sexualize the conversation without being a creep?

I done some soul searching, and in my childhood/teen/early 20's is that I am able to make friends initially (i can make friends ranging from Deep Republicans, to Deep Democrats) but eventually down the line I end up saying some bizarre shit. And I just cannot seem to be okay with it. My friends have left me in the past, all throughout my life. I do have some friends, just I keep myself quiet in fear that they will be pushed away. One of my old friends sat me down and told me I needed to chill, and guess what? I took that into consideration, and unfortunately he stopped talking to me.

What do I do? This has caused me so much anxiety, emotional pain, and it has gotten out of hand and has led to things such as self harm. I have reached out to a Psychiatrist and scored very high for having ADHD. On the first visit to the Psyh, he was very quick to prescribe me Adderal. Adderal does help chill me out (actually when I take it occasionally it would chill me out more than when I use to smoke weed. First time taking it I want to build a hammock, instead of studying) but consistently use does not help ,  but I am questioning if this medication is right for me. But this is something I have to bring up with my Doctor. This issue has been going on before taking any meds.

Leo talked about "it's very root chakra" in terms of conversation, dating, and just out getting laid, but how do you get into your root chakra if you're so far in your head? I watched a lot of conversation advice, and when I am in actually conversation, I am not able to think about these principles, while not being too logical.

I've tried "letting go" of thinking about the right thing to say/text, and watch a lot of Aaron Doughty's video about raising vibration and working through childhood trauma. If I go out there, see some positive feedback, and it goes down the drain, I get stuck in this "you gotta take responsibility" and it becomes this Self Gaslighting and it like I'm walking in a mine field not knowing where the mines are at. I'm not needy per say, I just want to handle this area of my life as soon as I can, because if not, then it will come out later on in life and it will be creepy as hell.

"Fill your own cup bro". Look, i've had girlfriends who have told me they love me, and I almost broke up with one because she kept wanting to drink and I want to not drink so I can recover for my gym sessions. It's not about the girlfriend. But it's satisfying the basic need of sex. How do you let go of sexual desire when you have a very high drive?  I'm thinking that because I have such a strong desire for sex, I kind of don't care about getting to know the girl. This may sound weird, but I've tried to watch porn (i stopped watching it in my early 20's) and just tried letting go of sexual attachments, and when busting a nut I also let go of the cheap orgasm so I don't feel it anymore. But this sounds insanely unhealthy. 

What am I missing besides confidence? I genuinely enjoy talking to people. As a matter of fact, I've worked at my Father's Truck Stop for 10+ years so my Customer Service Skills are on point. 

Sorry if this is a long post. But this literally the only thing holding me back from being successful with women.

Thank you, much love

 

 

 

[Thestarguitarist14]

The best thing you can do is just accept it.  Accept that you as a 27 year old man have little to no value.  Accept that the women you want are on top and they have their pick of the liter for now.  Accept that you are going to each shit.  
 

But remember that you won’t die. Remember that some women will have empathy for you and will like you.  And remember that when you are 35 and making over $100,000 a year that the roles will be reversed and you can get with 25 year olds then much kore easily.

[Thestarguitarist14]

22 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

@Thestarguitarist14 what a naive perspective on life. Unfortunately by the time you reach 35 and making all that money you will also realize that having 25 year old gold diggers around is not as fulfilling as you thought you it would be haha You can have all the sex you want until your dick falls off but something will still be missing 

Pot meet kettle.

Men 18-35 have no leverage in dating and if you had dating experience this would be self evident.  A hot 25 year old woman has her pick of the litter.

Are you saying that all women are gold diggers?  Because you do realize that all (feminine) women want a man who can provide for them right?  A gold digger won’t do anything if you don’t give her money up front.  Don’t confuse the two.  If you want a beautiful woman who will cool, clean, and take care of the kids then we’ll, you gotta retire her.  She can’t do all that and work 40 hours a week.

Dating is dead in the West.  We are in an extremely superficial time and men must act accordingly.  If you choose not to change then suffer the consequences.

[Thestarguitarist14]

6 minutes ago, K Ghoul said:

@Thestarguitarist14 you into red pill/MGTOW? 

I agree with a lot of what the red pill says but I am not a red piller in the sense that I want to have a family and I believe the community gets negative.  I am sure as hell nit MGTOW.

 

[Leo Gura]

@chakra_7654321

All you're saying is, "I don't got game."

The solution is simple.

Approach 5000 girls. Learn game. It will all auto-correct as you go out and fail thousands of times. Eventually you will become so good that you'll laugh that this was ever a problem.

Move to a city with lots of girls and good nightlife.

This is not an issue you solve by thinking or talking to someone.

[Karmadhi]

Just talk to girls man. You can either do pick up or just meet them in your university campus, social events, social circle, parties etc. Whatever method reasonates with you.

 

[universe]

Some posts have been removed. Stay on topic please.

 

@chakra_7654321 

I feel you, I was also on the head side of myself for many years.

What helped me was feeling more into my body. Relaxing, taking deep breaths.

Doing body scan meditations.

And then when talking to people I trained myself to focus on my feet, my legs. Anything outside my head 

[Thestarguitarist14]

1 hour ago, K Ghoul said:

Why do you want to have a family? Usually that’s something women are interested in and a man in love will do anything to make their woman happy and if that requires having little Mes running around the house so be it. It seems like you read a bunch of stuff, “educated” yourself on how to date, but doesn’t really have a full, organic grasp on what’s going on in life 

Why the hell was my reply to this deleted but this troll’s stays up?

What a crock of shit.  How the hell is this on topic?

To repeat: we are here to reproduce.

I want to reproduce.  I want a helpmate.

You know nothing about women.  Get help.

[Bando]

@chakra_7654321 DIdnt read your whole post just making some suggestions, Practice screening really hard for sex, I actually suggest you try online dating. Based on your on how you describe yourself you should do fine. Find other guys who enjoy going out to events/parties/clubs and practice fast physical escalation approaches. 

You don't need to do "spiritual work" or do meditation to get laid, organize your life where your constantly meeting new women and screen hard, if you don't if you don't close between 1-3 meet ups keep it pushing. Your sex life is a very important need to satisfy especially as a man you cant just "think it away" just don't let it derial your life though.

3 hours ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Men 18-35 have no leverage in dating and if you had dating experience this would be self evident.  A hot 25 year old woman has her pick of the litter.

A lot of your posts reflect heavy redpill dogma, the issue with such ideologies is that they make blanket generalizations that do not accurately portray life. Some concepts I agree with but this one is absolute bs. Getting women in your 20's is not as difficult as Redpill makes it out to be, its ironically the easiest time in your life to get laid and get into relationships you essentially have no real responsibilities. 

Most women are not some hyper sexual marketplace optimizers, if they meet a guy there attracted to, feel emotionally secure with, and is someone that doesn't have a dull personality they will be pretty loyal to a fault.

 

[Loba]

1 hour ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

You know nothing about women.  Get help.

She's a woman btw, a pretty one, too. ;P 

[Thestarguitarist14]

31 minutes ago, Bando said:

@chakra_7654321

A lot of your posts reflect heavy redpill dogma, the issue with such ideologies is that they make blanket generalizations that do not accurately portray life. Some concepts I agree with but this one is absolute bs. Getting women in your 20's is not as difficult as Redpill makes it out to be, its ironically the easiest time in your life to get laid and get into relationships you essentially have no real responsibilities. 

Most women are not some hyper sexual marketplace optimizers, if they meet a guy there attracted to, feel emotionally secure with, and is someone that doesn't have a dull personality they will be pretty loyal to a fault.

 

As I previously stated I agree a lot with what the red pill says, particularly about intersexual dynamics and marriage.  It  correlates with my experience.

And you are confusing dating women in your 20s with dating a woman who will treat you with respect and be feminine and submissive towards you.  Let’s be honest, most women in their twenties and early thirties nowadays are not very feminine, friendly, fit, or submissive to men 18-35 unless that guy is genetically gifted, has a ton of game, or is rich.

To say that your 20s is the easiest time to get laid is not only intellectually dishonest, but is a direct slap in the face to guys who cry at night because they are so lonely.  I mean, if this was true then why do so many guy get into pickup?  Hell, I did it for three years.

It just sounds like to me that you are still stuck in the old paradigm , which is a very dangerous place to be.  Be careful before a woman takes advantage of you.

Edited January 28, 2022 by Thestarguitarist14

[flowboy]

@chakra_7654321  Felt like I should reply because there haven't been many good responses.

Except for this:

4 hours ago, universe said:

I feel you, I was also on the head side of myself for many years.

What helped me was feeling more into my body. Relaxing, taking deep breaths.

Doing body scan meditations.

And then when talking to people I trained myself to focus on my feet, my legs. Anything outside my head 

This is excellent.

 

Professionally, I would tell you this:

Your post perfectly matches your issue.

Being in your head a lot = overthinking, which perfectly matches this long post.

It seems you tend to try different approaches / advices, but not with enough faith and follow-through to actually have it work for you, and then quickly go looking for more information, more advice, more different approaches. In the mean time you're not really trying anything, you're mostly building a database of conflicting tips and tricks in your head. Putting you even more in your head.

(Over)thinking is a defense mechanism against feeling.

Learn to feel your body while you talk to people.

It really is that simple.

Not easy! Simple.

One practice that helped me with similar things, is ecstatic dance.

But you don't need another tip or trick like that.

That would just give you another thing to point to and say: See? I've tried that too, that didn't work either. Nothing works

Learn to feel.

Develop awareness of where your awareness goes as you talk to women.

Does it float out of your body, into your head?

Bring it back.

To your hands.

To your feet.

To your belly.

Do this again and again and again.

That's all you need.

 

Edited January 28, 2022 by flowboy

[Philipp]

What helped my game a lot, especially if you are physically attractive already was to:

Not expecting of any girl to be interested in me.  

sounds counter intuitive right, usually you hear the opposite should be done. let me elaborate.

There will be a lot of girls who won't be interested in you, as long as your are not 100% attractive. And that's fine, because you can get a long way with those who are (and I am not talking about unattractive girls)

If you don't expect a girl to be interested in you, you will behave much more casual, natural. You will treat her as a friend. And the end of the day, if she like you, your appearance, your humor, your vibe, she will start to get attracted. Thats when you will have to start noticing that she actually is interested in you. From there on, you can start really driving this attraction forward and escalate fast if you want. 

The trick is. By honestly not expecting any girl you meet to be into you. You automatically display non-neediness and a healthy amount of indifferance. This will really allow the girl to make the first steps in her mind and start thinking if she could actually get fucked by you. 

Important. Systematicly not assuming a girl is into you, when you meet her, does not mean you can't flirt and do sexual jokes. You can and should. Just do them as if it was just for the fun. Don't do them, because you think this is going to lead somewhere, just do them because you enjoy a little flirt and sexual inuendo joke, when talking to girls.

that my tip. that the mind set I use and I feel happy with my game. Currently in a long term relationship though, so this advice hasn't been tested personally for quite some time. Still think it is the right aproach though. It just creates the space for her to get into you first. 

Another bonus: I also don't mean that you can't show interest or intention. You can! You just don't expect any outcome from them. You could theoretically even tell your are interested, but in a way, where you never expect her to reciprocate that interest. Funny enough, if you give her the space and you are attractive, she will. 

You are really crazy, you could actually explain her, how much you would like to fuck her and explain it to her. Just don't expect it to happen. It might though

Edited February 9, 2022 by Philipp

[Aubs]

Learn to dance. Honest to god this will tick so many boxes for you. 

- You get a proper context to meet women which isnt desperate or creepy

- You get to learn a really fun skill

- You get to make friends with other dancers

- Dancing gets you out of your head and into your body

- Also did I say it was fun? The best way to learn things is by having fun and being brave. Not dragging yourself through the mud.

 

If youre a hippie, I suggest Ecstatic dancing.

If youre sexual and really want to get close with women try Bachata.

If youre a nerd (which I feel you might be) look into Lindy hop.

You'll suck at first and "letting go" will be really hard. But its a skill and people will forgive you for learning. Good luck friend.