Lying to my Parents

[Tboy]

I don't know what to tell my parents when they ask where I'm going when I go out to a club or bar. I would say I'm just going to see some friends but the truth is I'm not, I'm going to meet people who I met on a Pickup Telegram group to go and do sort-of personal development. I basically don't want to lie to my parents but at the same time, I just don't think that they would understand the truth either and they would 100% get stressed out by it. I plan to move out soon so it should be fine but until then I just don't know how to tell them where I'm going when I go out. Anyone deal with this and/or have told their parents the truth?

[Preety_India]

Tell them you're going to a nearby park. 

I hope they aren't the type that come looking for you. 

 

 

[decentralized]

Lying to my parents were quite traumatizing for me. I had to consistently lie to them because I was afraid they might not love me if they knew the "truth". I don't live with them anymore but that period of my life still affects my current relationships, I feel like if people get too close to me they'll find out how terrible I am and leave me so I'm afraid of intimacy.

[Bando]

@Tboy If your asking this question it means its obviously eating you up inside. You don't have to 100% tell them your going to bars or clubs to pick up chicks  tell them your going out with friends and meeting new people and its been really good for you.

The more important question to ask is why do you care so much if you lie to your parents? Do you feel what your doing is wrong? Do you think your parents wont look at you the same way if you tell them the truth? These are more important questions to consider

[Nahm]

If you’re going to do something which you feel you have to lie to somebody about, think twice about what you’re doing. 

[gettoefl]

lying is based on the assertion that you are not to be trusted with my reality

you have violated and destroyed the trust i had in you

you brought these lies upon yourself

you do not want to change so this is what i have to do for my betterment

i owe you nothing since i did not sign up to the way you treated me

parents ain't going to budge one bit in my experience

if you rape then that you reap

Edited January 26, 2022 by gettoefl

[Yarco]

If you have toxic overbearing parents that would rather you just stay home and do nothing, I'd say it's probably better to lie

Eventually those same parents will start nagging and wondering why you don't have a girlfriend, a job, why you're a boring person without any personality or interests of your own. BECAUSE YOU NEVER LET ME, MOM.

[puporing]

It's so highly contextual... like @Yarco said. Do your parents deserve to know every little thing you do in life? I would say no. How about some parents are just too controlling and it limits your growth (Ie my parents would probably literally murder me if I was to tell them I am trying some psychedelics, they get upset for so many things that hinder my growth). There's a certain situation where self-protection trumps 'always being honest'.

If you feel like you're acting otherwise in integrity and just have very fundamental value differences it's your right to have some privacy. 

Edited January 26, 2022 by puporing

[hoodrow trillson]

You're not lying, you're just omitting more info.  That's not lying.  Do they want a 1,000 word thesis?

[Tboy]

12 hours ago, Bando said:

@Tboy If your asking this question it means its obviously eating you up inside. You don't have to 100% tell them your going to bars or clubs to pick up chicks  tell them your going out with friends and meeting new people and its been really good for you.

The more important question to ask is why do you care so much if you lie to your parents? Do you feel what your doing is wrong? Do you think your parents wont look at you the same way if you tell them the truth? These are more important questions to consider

Your diagnosis is on the money. I guess I feel like I need to tell them about it at some point I don't know, the truth is I'm going out alone right now and I tried to tell my Dad that and he was basically like 'wtf?' - it may be easier when I find a wing I like. In answer to the questions of why I care so much, the truth goes very deep to a fear of being rejected by my parents (a common thing), that sort of rejection feels like death to a part of me. Thanks for your post.

[bejapuskas]

What if you tell them you are looking for a partner, is that what you are doing?

[Tboy]

8 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

What if you tell them you are looking for a partner, is that what you are doing?

Ultimately, yes

[bejapuskas]

@Tboy would they have issues with that?

[Tboy]

8 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Tboy would they have issues with that?

Of course not but their only concept of doing that is by meeting people through friends or going on a date maybe, which I do, do as well but the thing is that my friends don't really go out to clubs and bars to meet women, so I don't get as much practice at growing my confidence when I am around them. 

[Michal__]

It highly depends on who your parents are.