Conflict about which domain to choose as career path

[MilenaS]

Hi

I have a conflict going on inside of me regarding which domain to choose as far os my career is concerned.

I am naturally good with music - I have a good ear and it is easy for me to come up with a melody, or even to imagine a whole song. Since I remember, I enjoyed singing. I have a background in rhytmics. I play piano (I consider myself beginner/intermetiate) and I enjoy it. I create songs. Despite all the above, when I try to imagine myself going deeply into the field of music, something is not right. I do not have a strong 'yes' for this. When I play or sing, I am not excited about becoming better in it.

In my childhood, I used to draw a bit, but I wasn't good at that. In a philharmonic I would come up with movies in my head that were built around music that was played. I enjoyed that a lot. Recently I feel called to do drawing/painting or graphic design. A year ago I had this urge as well, and I tried learning drawing for 3 months for 1 hour a day. I didn't like it. I still, though, feel as if this field was not 'penetrated' by me enough to tell whether I like it. I have this warm feeling when I thing about beautiful images. Fairy tales like. 

I'm wondering to what extend I should trust what I like from the very beginning, and to what extend it is true that with time I can start enjoying sth. Is it true that some activities I will never enjoy? How is it related to how my brain functions? 

The second thing is this opposite between natural predisposition, and felt meaning - which one is more reliable and will lead to lasting motivation? Of course, the ideal would to ful that sth is deeply meaningful, and enjoyable at the same time.

There is also the field of philosophy, and passion for articulating abstract ideas within language. This, though I find hard to me. It is not natural. It is a little toxic passion, I would say. But I love the moment of transcendence, the feeling that everything I do is meaningful, that I do the deepest thing. At the same time, I don't feel good while thinking and conceptualising. At least, not always.

I feel I need to have one chosen area. Simultaneously I do not feel it is possible for me to choose one. Having several fields evokes anxiety because in 1,5 year I will be finished with studies. I think what blocks me is inability to shift for a while the field that I am in because of fear that I will lose time. And also I see how it is hard in the beginning. I also see a potential unconscious mechanism - when sth is enjoyable, I sabotage it by creating feeling of that thing not be the proper one, or the meaningful one. 

If you have any thoughts that comes to your mind while you were reading this, please share them. It would be useful to see all this from another point of view.

[Philipp]

 You will have to pick one and commit (emotionally and mentally). Think about your values. Define your values and then decide what are your most valued values. If you feel anxious it's okey, but have to do this. It's okey to pick the wrong thing, thats the only way you will really figure out what you actually want. 
But you have to make a decision, commit and see where it goes. 

Personally, I am also in place, where I have to make a decision. That's why I am working on my values and working through the anxiety of making a bad decision (as I have already made in the past - studied 3 years of psychology for no good reason). 

Positive Affirmations are good if you think your subconscious is holding you back. everyday: "I will find work, that is meaningful to me / I will figure out what I want "

Good luck!

Edited February 6, 2022 by Philipp

[BlueOak]

Well the obvious thing that came to mind is, why not combine all three. Music set to art you've made, on philosophical concepts you find interesting.

All the fields you have spoken about are not going to feel rock solid. They are art, music and philosophy and by their nature they will always be fluid. 

You are speaking like someone who has the capacity to do well in any or all of these disciplines. The way you reason and put yourself into your decisions, do the same with your work. If you are anxious for example be anxious in your art and music. If you have a 100 different things floating around in your head, put that into your art or music, let it breathe and be alive with those emotions, reasons etc.  What you have now is muse, you might not realise it, you have a dilemma this makes for a great muse! These are the things I used to love to fuel my creative side for example and when I was at my best.

You've got to commit and put the work in, which is the only way you'll know which direction you end up going. I also want to say good luck.
 

[ChrisZoZo]

@MilenaS  Choose the highest love.

[Danioover9000]

@MilenaS

On 26/01/2022 at 8:41 AM, MilenaS said:

Hi

I have a conflict going on inside of me regarding which domain to choose as far os my career is concerned.

I am naturally good with music - I have a good ear and it is easy for me to come up with a melody, or even to imagine a whole song. Since I remember, I enjoyed singing. I have a background in rhytmics. I play piano (I consider myself beginner/intermetiate) and I enjoy it. I create songs. Despite all the above, when I try to imagine myself going deeply into the field of music, something is not right. I do not have a strong 'yes' for this. When I play or sing, I am not excited about becoming better in it.

In my childhood, I used to draw a bit, but I wasn't good at that. In a philharmonic I would come up with movies in my head that were built around music that was played. I enjoyed that a lot. Recently I feel called to do drawing/painting or graphic design. A year ago I had this urge as well, and I tried learning drawing for 3 months for 1 hour a day. I didn't like it. I still, though, feel as if this field was not 'penetrated' by me enough to tell whether I like it. I have this warm feeling when I thing about beautiful images. Fairy tales like. 

I'm wondering to what extend I should trust what I like from the very beginning, and to what extend it is true that with time I can start enjoying sth. Is it true that some activities I will never enjoy? How is it related to how my brain functions? 

The second thing is this opposite between natural predisposition, and felt meaning - which one is more reliable and will lead to lasting motivation? Of course, the ideal would to ful that sth is deeply meaningful, and enjoyable at the same time.

There is also the field of philosophy, and passion for articulating abstract ideas within language. This, though I find hard to me. It is not natural. It is a little toxic passion, I would say. But I love the moment of transcendence, the feeling that everything I do is meaningful, that I do the deepest thing. At the same time, I don't feel good while thinking and conceptualising. At least, not always.

I feel I need to have one chosen area. Simultaneously I do not feel it is possible for me to choose one. Having several fields evokes anxiety because in 1,5 year I will be finished with studies. I think what blocks me is inability to shift for a while the field that I am in because of fear that I will lose time. And also I see how it is hard in the beginning. I also see a potential unconscious mechanism - when sth is enjoyable, I sabotage it by creating feeling of that thing not be the proper one, or the meaningful one. 

If you have any thoughts that comes to your mind while you were reading this, please share them. It would be useful to see all this from another point of view.

   Hey, similar to mine. I lieke music and have the ability to mix sounds i  my head, developed over time. I also love to draw with different mediums, and am now taking this ine a bit seriously, enough to construct my drawings in my mind. I love draeung enough, that I could see myself doing this long term. It skills, cooking and playing board games also are my past passions, also video games.

   Right now, after lots of NLP techniques and visualizations, drawing as an illustrator or as a comic book artist suits my self image, but I'm always, once a week or month doing the values elicitation and checking if it is alignwd with my life purpose and further nich down the role of a drawer. Also, I do creativity exercises as well, mixing different fields together  and keeping an open mind that I might merge some of my past passions together.

[flowboy]

Here's my thoughts, in case they help you or anyone else with a similar dilemma (and I've been there too):

The different problems you describe (such as fear of "losing" time, needing to dig deeply into one domain versus being more fulfilled being a doubler, having to choose) only exist by the grace of conditioned beliefs being put on you by other people in your life at different times.

Deconditioning yourself is a longer term process, but that would solve all these problems because it would dissolve the framework that created the problems.

The dilemma you describe has a quality of preoccupation and worry to it, and seems to weigh your decisions today too heavily.

"What you decide today determines the rest of your life" is a common burden that parents, schools and society put upon young people.

And it is completely false. You'll never hear it out of happy, truly actualized and free people.

It is burdened people spreading the burden of their conditioning to others, such as you, while consciously believing that they are helping.

 

Concretely, the bird's eye view looks like this:

1. Develop a vision, first broad-strokes and fragmented, then progressively more detailed and coherent
2. Move towards the part of that where you feel the most energy
3. Over time, all your talents will find their place in what you are creating, if they are still aligned.

[DreamVoid]

@flowboy Killer response bro, especially about the "fear of losing time", i really resonate with this.

I find it really hard to decondition these limiting beliefs. I am soon going on a mushroom trip with the intention of deconditioning beliefs like the fear of losing time. Will update on it once that is done.