Self-Help Noticings, Insights, and Journal

[Matt23]

Am starting this as an experiment.  Let's see how it goes.  

I journal quite a bit already on my diary (in writing), but I'm curious to see how this turns out.  For one, I suspect it'll show me more of what I'm self-conscious of since other people may see it.  So there's that social reflection that can highlight parts of yourself which can be missed if doing something solo.  This is one thing I'm beginning to see more and more; the power of socializing in helping people notice things about themselves and then have the opportunity to grow from and through that.  This is one, of several, perhaps many, criticisms I have of what to me seems like Leo's perspective is on things.  In this case, him advocating more for being solo and doing most of one's growth and work alone with oneself.  Sure, don't get me wrong, I love doing this and I believe it's a part of growth.  But it ain't the only game in town, nor, perhaps, is it the best game since you're sort of isolated and not getting any feedback.  Which can sort of expose you to being trapped in your own mind.  I dunno, maybe some people are simply better at doing things solo than others.  Or perhaps once a person reaches certain stages of development and awareness, being solo is where the majority of "good work" is done.  No idea.  All I know is that, I've done being alone for a long time and am noticing a significant lack in that domain, and now that I'm starting to be more social, I'm noticing many, many irritations and difficulties in forming relationships and just being with others.  Everything from feeling triggered and disagreeing often with others to having certain limiting beliefs arise about my capabilities in forming relationships.  Maybe I wish I started to focus more on socializing earlier.  Maybe.  But again, I don't know since maybe it's best this way (shoutout to Nahm for introducing this reframe in thinking: things are perfect the way they are, it's simply one's thoughts that disagree with reality as it is that cause suffering... at least I think this is what he mean).  

I've also recently started significantly reducing my YouTube and internet intake.  Mainly I stick to emails, some actualized forum stuff, check Facebook once a day on average (I was never into before, mostly YouTube), and then some telegram on my phone.  I'm noticing a lot more time to contemplate and journal, and that I have more cognitive space, and even just time in the day, to read and delve deeper into what I'm reading.  It's like I can focus more on the book and have my mind working on that single book or theory rather than over-ingesting information all day and being overwhelmed by it all, unable to organize and integrate it all.  

I also recently just got some dental x-rays as a step towards doing Andy Cutler's heavy metal chelation protocol.  I still have some doubts and worries about it, such as overwhelming my body by excreting more toxins than usual.  Also, it's not like the chelation process doesn't come with side-effects, and things can go wrong.  One of the concerns I have with the side effects is that it will even further disrupt my cognition, sleep, emotions, and memory more than I already seem to struggle with.  I especially worry about it as it pertains to my employment and making sure I don't make too many mistakes such that I get fired.  I work for FedEx driving, so there is some concern there with not only safety on the road but also just making sure to remember all the steps and tasks that are required for the job.  

Anyways, that's it for meow