From normal to blissfull to massive emotional pain in under a week

[Arje]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone has any idea what is this about? I am generally a really stable person, never had any mental disorders but this really fucks with my mind.

For the last 2 years have been meditating for at least 60min every day. One month ago I started experiencing a strong feeling of completion and bliss. It came literally out of nowhere and hit me like a train in the middle of a day. I immediately lost any intrest in any kind of normal human activity other than sitting and experiencing this. It was by far the best thing I have ever felt. I felt so complete with the present moment that it brought tears in my eyes

This went on for couple of days, until something hit a psycholocigal switch and out of nowhere came the deepest, darkest wave of emotional pain and suffering I have ever experienced. It was so strong and vicious that the pain became physical too. Everything lost its meaning in such a deep level that words can´t explain. This went on for two days and then the phenomenon started to disappear.

Problem is that I haven´t felt the same after this. It has been 3 weeks. I feel empty of emotion, not depressed tho. "Humanly obligations" feel hollow and meaningless. To be honest, after this I don´t know if I want to continue on the spiritual path. I am scared that this has just partly ruined my mental well being.

Any suggestions or help?

Edited January 23, 2022 by Arje

[BipolarGrowth]

Congrats. It sounds like you hit your first Arising & Passing Away insight stage which in the normal progression is followed by the Dark Night of the Soul insight stages. Nothing mentally ill about it unless you’re having other symptoms you haven’t mentioned. 
 

You can read more about these stages here: https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/

My best advice is to keep meditating the same amount as you have been if you can manage it during these shifts as this will eventually lead to much more stability in the long term. 

[Arje]

@BipolarGrowth

Thank you for helping sir.

[Nahm]

@Arje

This might be helpful…

Also noticing how sneaky thought is, noticing conflicts in thought, and realizing why some thoughts feel off will result in more & more equanimity and inspiration.    

 

[mrPixel]

@BipolarGrowth

You are making conclusions based on symptoms. Quite frankly, based on what the OP's description is sounds more like a comedown from a high.

In dark night territory you have become aware of the following truths: nothing lasts, nothing will ever match up to your ideals, you have limited control in life, the future is uncertain, safety is an illusion. The OP didn't mention any of this.

@Arje

You say that you can't explain, but you need to get real clear on how your mind is operating. Life feels meaningless for a reason. How come? Look at your thoughts.

[BipolarGrowth]

@mrPixel yes, almost all the information I had to work with was the symptoms, and these all line up about as well as one could expect from a forum post of that length. Insight gained from the insight stages of the dark night is not the same as being in a dark night. Paññā comes gradually through going through the stages over and over in most cases, if we’re speaking specifically in the context of this model alone, and often only when the person is applying sati with a moderate or advanced level of skill/experience will they be able to come into significant contact with paññā. 
 

You aren’t required to have well-developed insights about the various insight stages to enter them for the first times. Initially, people are more likely to have hardly any depth of understanding of what is to be gleaned from the stages or really what is going on at all oftentimes apart from their symptoms. 
 

The truths you list are also mostly truths people can access through typical life experience with zero intentional spiritual practice but just a minor amount of consideration. What source did you hear this list from? 

[Rahul yadav]

youre clearly experiencing emotional purification, you might be having emotional baggage which is releasing slowly. you can incorporate shamanic breathing and sedona method these will help you purify emotions faster. 

[Arje]

@Nahm@mrPixel @BipolarGrowth @Rahul yadav

 

Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it. I will educate myself more about the theory side of meditation and spirituality. This way I will hopefully be better prepaired if mental states like this occur in the future.