How to cure my awful inner game?

[Illusory Self]

I don’t get it, I’m good looking, tall etc…. Most girls who I approach correctly, instantly hook without me even having to do much game. Girls eye me out on the dance floor. Girls sometimes smile & lock eyes with me in the day time. I can do incredibly well with online game having the right pics. 

But my dating life is horrible & I don’t talk to any girls. 

I experience this horrible negative self talk constantly which will stop me from even approaching or if I do approach, it will make them really bad. 

I don’t even know why it’s still there because most of the girls I approach hook & are attracted to me so you would expect it go…

I can go out to a nightclub & just do a few approaches sometimes, constantly having this inner demon self sabotaging myself all night. Making up excuses on why I shouldn’t approach etc… 

some of the recurring thoughts I experience:

“I don’t want to ruin the girls night by my presence” 

“Whenever I approach it’s always so forced & can never seem to keep convo going after” 

“I don’t even enjoy socialising, I’d rather just dance & listen to the music” 

A lot of self sabotaging thoughts like that, almost like I’m not worth much to be heard.  

I know I could get so many lays if I cured this inner game mentality but I think it’s rooted so deep into my psyche because even if I do get the occasional lay (mostly by being approached) it does not change my inner game structure. 
 

I went out on both the weekend days & did like 5 approaches max. It was pathetic. I feel like my own mind is my own worst enemy sometimes. 
 

Going to try to do better next week with maybe some day time approaches etc but this constant internal voice never seems to go away, even if I do seem to get ‘results’ 

How do you cure one’s inner game? 

[Leo Gura]

Visualizing proper inner game, and then going out consistently, approaching, and analyzing all your sets at the end of the night to iron out every sticking point and learn every micro lesson.

It will take a year or more of constant game to start to dial in your inner game. You have to be ruthless about identifying and squashing every micro sticking point.

Also observe how you are sabotaging yourself.

Mostly it just sounds like you're not approaching enough nor sticking in set long enough. You gotta force yourself to do like 20 approach per night, and go out at least 3 nights a week for a year.

You are not going to cure approach anxiety via some magic bullet. The cure is approaching. Do 5000 approaches.

[Karmadhi]

Just talk to a lot of girls. Since you are good looking most of them will hook hard and you will easily see how dumb your inner game is. Direct life experience will demolish your inner game problem once you start getting attraction from girls which should be quite easy if you are good looking. I do not honestly think you need a full year of going out unless you have some autistic issues or something. For the average person yes, you would need a year but if you say girls look at you and shit then couple months max should do it, 5-10 lays or so.

Edited January 23, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Federico del pueblo]

@Illusory Self

You simply have a whole bunch of limiting beliefs and conditioned emotional responses stored in your subconscious mind.

When the stimuli arises (e.g. a group of girls), your negative beliefs and emotions get triggered and start to sabotage you.

Do research into different things related to making changes to your subconscious mind.

There are lots of things but I'll only name a few that I know of.

- one of the most beneficial things to have as a skill is a release technique

I'm personally only skilled at one, which is called EFT (aka tapping). You'd have to search for YouTube videos if you want to learn it but here's just quickly how it works:

You intentionally engage in your negative self talk while doing the tapping technique. This will trigger exactly the unwanted emotions in your brain, nervous system and body. But the tapping technique has a calming effect on your nervous system (especially the amygdala in your brain) and thus the trigger and it's corresponding emotions get reprocessed so that you affect permanent change to your subconscious mind, i.e. the problem is weaker or sometimes gone (usually you'd have to do this several or even a few dozens time for your strongest negative beliefs/emotions).

Like this you could work through all your limiting beliefs.

I think what JulienHimself teaches nowadays is also a release technique, the letting go technique from David R. Hawkins. Here you will also intentionally feel in your negativity to then release it, I don't know exactly how it works though.

From my observations here on the forum I conclude that "shadow work" serves a similar purpose too, but I don't know anything about it so you might wanna ask other members. If I remember this correctly @flowboy knows about this stuff and other inner game related things.

Other possibilities to change the subconscious mind are (self) hypnosis and visualization, but from my experience it can be tricky to affect change with them when your triggers are strong and for me EFT works much better to reduce triggers.

But once you've weakened your negative triggers a lot hypnosis, affirmations and visualization can be amazing tools to help "installing" more positive programs in your mind, and to get a good physiology going.

 

I think you should also make use of "outer game strategies to affect inner game". So think of different social challenges that help you to progressively desensitize. Just search for "comfort zone challenges".

I think because of your beliefs and messy emotions you're still taking yourself way to seriously... you'd like to look high value and non needy and ironically this makes you needy. Be a bit weird and needy and awkward on purpose. Think of challenges where you'll likely get rejected or weirdly looked at etc

You must teach your brain it it's ok to look stupid, nobody gives a fuck about you.

 

[something_else]

Out of curiosity (and feel free not to share if this is too personal!) were you bullied when you were younger? Or how was your social life in school is perhaps a more accurate question?

I'm asking because a few of the attractive dudes I know who had confidence issues were bullied quite a bit and under socialised in school

[Raptorsin7]

@Illusory Self Look into IFS and parts work. What you're describing is a part of yourself that is sabotaging yourself. You can identify those parts of your mind and bring them into harmony with yourself.

[Windappreciator]

game, outer game, inner game, video game...

just do what you want

[hyruga]

Check out Owen Cook's program! 

[Nahm]

@Illusory Self

The mind isn’t an enemy, it’s the greatest ally. To blame the mind is to suppress feeling with concept(s). Via the mind you can understand how you’re creating the emotion of unworthiness, and you can express jealousy which feels significantly better. There is no cure / the cure is realizing how you’re creating the emotion of unworthiness. No longer doing so, no cure is sought because the discord is no longer felt. It’s between you & source so to speak. Not you and dating, approaching, gaming, etc. Those are conceptualizations to remain in aversion. 

[Etherial Cat]

@Illusory Self

Your mental image of what girls are is what causes you that anxiety. It's just an overlay, but to you it is very real. 

You've got to normalize your interaction with girls so you can slowly build up a more functional mental image.

Have you ever had the occasion to let's say just even befriend some girls ? Do you have any occasion to do so? At work, or during your hobbies, whatever?

Try to build up various kind of relationships with females. And not only in a sexual way. Any type of interaction with the everyday female will help you see women through a more realistic angle. 

[flowboy]

6 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

I don’t get it, I’m good looking, tall etc…. Most girls who I approach correctly, instantly hook without me even having to do much game. Girls eye me out on the dance floor. Girls sometimes smile & lock eyes with me in the day time. I can do incredibly well with online game having the right pics. 

But my dating life is horrible & I don’t talk to any girls. 

I experience this horrible negative self talk constantly which will stop me from even approaching or if I do approach, it will make them really bad. 

I don’t even know why it’s still there because most of the girls I approach hook & are attracted to me so you would expect it go…

I can go out to a nightclub & just do a few approaches sometimes, constantly having this inner demon self sabotaging myself all night. Making up excuses on why I shouldn’t approach etc… 

some of the recurring thoughts I experience:

“I don’t want to ruin the girls night by my presence” 

“Whenever I approach it’s always so forced & can never seem to keep convo going after” 

“I don’t even enjoy socialising, I’d rather just dance & listen to the music” 

A lot of self sabotaging thoughts like that, almost like I’m not worth much to be heard.  

I know I could get so many lays if I cured this inner game mentality but I think it’s rooted so deep into my psyche because even if I do get the occasional lay (mostly by being approached) it does not change my inner game structure. 
 

I went out on both the weekend days & did like 5 approaches max. It was pathetic. I feel like my own mind is my own worst enemy sometimes. 
 

Going to try to do better next week with maybe some day time approaches etc but this constant internal voice never seems to go away, even if I do seem to get ‘results’ 

How do you cure one’s inner game? 

A combination of seeking triggers and then doing shadow work on those triggers.

Then going out and challenging yourself again to the point of getting those negative thoughts.

Doing the work on them again.

Rinse, repeat.

You'll be a powerful free-flowing pickup artist in no time.

Context around this recent insight

 

Your negative thoughts are the trauma response. As soon as you get them, you have reached the point of getting triggered, so to speak.

So increase your action until you feel that.

Then do the shadow work around that, using either an inner child work approach or the 3-2-1 shadow integration method, to name two good ways.

After having a proper release, then go back and do it again.

You'll find that you can go a lot further without those thoughts blocking you.

You just earned a higher degree of freedom.

Rinse, repeat.

Edited January 23, 2022 by flowboy

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDtAsqk-W-4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KAMj87gmUg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqOiBhpIbqk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uRZBocaBQY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nnUJin2B3o

 

[flowboy]

On 23/01/2022 at 11:51 AM, Illusory Self said:

I went out on both the weekend days & did like 5 approaches max. It was pathetic. I feel like my own mind is my own worst enemy sometimes. 
 

Going to try to do better next week with maybe some day time approaches etc but this constant internal voice never seems to go away, even if I do seem to get ‘results’ 

How do you cure one’s inner game? 

@Illusory Self Just uploaded this for you, see if it helps:

Again: go out, until you feel your mind going crazy and being your enemy - that's what being triggered can look like.

Notice how your body feels in that moment.

Make a mental note on all the sensations that belong to the moment that your inner game fails you - the mental sensations and thoughts, but also the physical sensations.

Then go home, do shadow work on that, have an emotional release, and go back out there the next day.

You'll improve fast that way.

[mememe]

On 23.1.2022 at 6:09 PM, Etherial Cat said:

Have you ever had the occasion to let's say just even befriend some girls ? Do you have any occasion to do so? At work, or during your hobbies, whatever?

Try to build up various kind of relationships with females. And not only in a sexual way. Any type of interaction with the everyday female will help you see women through a more realistic angle. 

that‘s gold - especially if you are in the club scene, female friends know the do‘s and don’ts and you also will start to feel natural around girls.

if that’s no option, gay friends, might be cliché but you have to talk more definitely and start to communicate more eloquently and often meet very interesting perspectives and opinions with them.

and regarding enjoying dancing more anyways - you can’t ruin anyones night out then, if they loose interest you just go on dancing and if they want they find a way to talk to you again.

Edited January 27, 2022 by mememe

[Illusory Self]

18 hours ago, flowboy said:

@Illusory Self Just uploaded this for you, see if it helps:

Again: go out, until you feel your mind going crazy and being your enemy - that's what being triggered can look like.

Notice how your body feels in that moment.

Make a mental note on all the sensations that belong to the moment that your inner game fails you - the mental sensations and thoughts, but also the physical sensations.

Then go home, do shadow work on that, have an emotional release, and go back out there the next day.

You'll improve fast that way.

@flowboy

 

Great, thanks for that. When I go out, shall I still try & do approaches? Nightgame or Daygame? Also I have a date tonight from online game, I usually blow them so this might be helpful after the date if I blow it

Edited January 28, 2022 by Illusory Self

[flowboy]

@Illusory Self Doesn't matter but stay sober so that you can notice the physical and mental effects of being triggered. So if during nightgame you drink alcohol, that's not so good.

If I had known about shadow work when I started doing daygame and dating, I would have progressed much faster ... it works extremely well to provoke triggers. And "pushing through" alone is like learning to drive with the handbrake on.

Slightly favor daygame then, because you're more likely to journal afterwards.

Edited January 28, 2022 by flowboy

[Illusory Self]

6 hours ago, flowboy said:

@Illusory Self Doesn't matter but stay sober so that you can notice the physical and mental effects of being triggered. So if during nightgame you drink alcohol, that's not so good.

If I had known about shadow work when I started doing daygame and dating, I would have progressed much faster ... it works extremely well to provoke triggers. And "pushing through" alone is like learning to drive with the handbrake on.

Slightly favor daygame then, because you're more likely to journal afterwards.

Yeah I don't tend to drink alcohol for approaches but I do for dates as it seems to make the woman more at ease ect.... I think I often feel worse when I blow up a date. That's when I really get triggered.

[flowboy]

@Illusory Self  Awesome, then I think your most efficient growth can be had by going on a date sober, blowing it, doing the inner work using that guided video or a written shadow work practice, and repeat. You'll probably feel way more confident on the next date already.