My spirit is broken. Low self-esteem and no creativity

[Thewizardking]

I've been working on a music album for a long time and up until November 2021 I was in a really good flow, working all the time, producing quality material and loving it. But then one day I woke up and I wasn't able to get any work done. It was as if all my creativity was gone. I got frustrated and after a couple days of trying without any success I decided to take a break. Its now been 3 months and I still haven't produced anything more. During these 3 months I have become quite addicted to a computer game and a lot of my time has gone towards that. My self esteem is the lowest it has ever been. I've always had great self esteem but now Im constantly questioning my work, my knowledge, my actions, everything. I'm having stressful dreams that make me wake up several times each night. I don't know what to do. I just wanna get back to making my music so I can finish my album which is 90% done. I do daily meditation, walking, reading (currently Six Pillars of Self-Esteem), all in an attempt to relax and lower stress but now that it's gone 3 months I'm getting frustrated at doing these relaxing things cause I feel it's time for my to get back at it but I'm not able to... Does anyone have any advice on how to handle the situation? Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks 

[Nadosa]

Hey dude,

I am a musician myself and I can really suggest making a dream board. Write down all the things you want as a musician, for example "I want some badass songs" or "I want an epic music video". This doesn't even "need" to work out, because it is what you will attract.

So you say "your spirit is broken". See clearly and question if there is any distance from yourself to yourself, there is no you + your spirit, it is just you and see therein lies the magic in creating music and art. It is Love expressing itself, totally flowing effortlessly.

„Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the Creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occasion when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moments, I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists. I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then, it is the eternal dance of creation. The Creator and the creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing — until there is only … the dance.“ — Michael Jackson

Edited January 23, 2022 by Nadosa

[Thewizardking]

I mean my spirit is broken as in the saying, meaning my self-esteem is destroyed. Thanks for the tip, I will make a dream board.

[Nadosa]

I know so well. Can you see that there is not a you + a you that has self-esteem? But rather a thought about a you that seemingly has low self-esteem?

I dont mean to dismiss your struggles. But there is no thing as real self-esteem. I consider it as a accumulation of good feelings happening, positive momentum. The very core of self-esteem is based on someone having self-esteem. But there is no one having self-esteem. It is just you + thoughts about self-esteem. At least in direct experience. Isn't it?

Could you breath in for two to five seconds, letting all beliefs about a self and self-esteem go?

See that meditation and relaxing is NOT to get anywhere. Meditation is for being exactly where you are and relaxing into your being, soul, Spirit. You are Spirit.

Edited January 23, 2022 by Nadosa

[Breakingthewall]

take a backpack, turn off the phone, and travel for a month to some remote and cheap country. a break works miracles

[puporing]

@Thewizardking What helped me was going back to the works of other musicians that first inspired me, I would just play their songs/pieces over and over and I get so much inspiration from that. And I acknowledge I still need some time to get to where I really want to be creating. Love the process of getting where you want to go, trust it, and don't expect anyone else to give you reassurances nor let them talk you down/out of it, as there will likely be lots of "rejections" before you make a "success" but know that the process itself is you contributing to the beauty of this world. The very act of it and living it has tremendous value and is already affecting those around you.

A reading/re-reading of the War of Art may also be beneficial.

Edited January 23, 2022 by puporing

[Thewizardking]

21 hours ago, Nadosa said:

I know so well. Can you see that there is not a you + a you that has self-esteem? But rather a thought about a you that seemingly has low self-esteem?

I dont mean to dismiss your struggles. But there is no thing as real self-esteem. I consider it as a accumulation of good feelings happening, positive momentum. The very core of self-esteem is based on someone having self-esteem. But there is no one having self-esteem. It is just you + thoughts about self-esteem. At least in direct experience. Isn't it?

Could you breath in for two to five seconds, letting all beliefs about a self and self-esteem go?

See that meditation and relaxing is NOT to get anywhere. Meditation is for being exactly where you are and relaxing into your being, soul, Spirit. You are Spirit.

I understand. Thank you for the help!

[Thewizardking]

19 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

take a backpack, turn off the phone, and travel for a month to some remote and cheap country. a break works miracles

Would be amazing but I sadly do not have the money for it

[Thewizardking]

14 hours ago, puporing said:

@Thewizardking What helped me was going back to the works of other musicians that first inspired me, I would just play their songs/pieces over and over and I get so much inspiration from that. And I acknowledge I still need some time to get to where I really want to be creating. Love the process of getting where you want to go, trust it, and don't expect anyone else to give you reassurances nor let them talk you down/out of it, as there will likely be lots of "rejections" before you make a "success" but know that the process itself is you contributing to the beauty of this world. The very act of it and living it has tremendous value and is already affecting those around you.

A reading/re-reading of the War of Art may also be beneficial.

Thank you for your answer. I will try going back to some of my original inspiration! 
There are a lot of negative reviews on War of Art, why should I read it? 

[puporing]

7 minutes ago, Thewizardking said:

Thank you for your answer. I will try going back to some of my original inspiration! 
There are a lot of negative reviews on War of Art, why should I read it? 

You're most welcome! I see, I can see why that might be. It gave me the jolt I needed sometimes, it's just one perspective, not for everyone. Honestly, I prefer to enjoy the process as much as I can as that's how I could avoid burning out. And you really deserve to enjoy the process, after all in all likelihood musicians do most of their work for no pay and even when they get really good they get like waitress wages (for most). A healthy balance is how I approach it.

[Gianna]

@Thewizardking Do stream of consciousness writings for 3 pages every morning. This will purge out your blocks and get you down to the pureness of your creativity. 
 

Stream of consciousness means, whatever you are thinking, write it down. Even if it makes no sense, keep writing. Keep writing until you have filled three pages. Whatever comes to your mind, write it down and do not stop to think or re-read what you’ve written. Don’t re-read them at all even when you’re done. Just put them in a drawer and do it again the next day. 
 

This technique is called morning pages and it is by The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. If you have time I would get and read that book. If not, just do the morning pages. And it is inevitable that your creativity will shine through you soon thereafter. 
 

Also, listen to this sleep sound while you sleep. It is embedded with creative energies to un-stuck people.  
 

Your self-esteem is a different issue but I would start with this because regaining your creativity will most likely regain your self esteem because you are an artist. 

[Loba]

Creativity is hard to maintain and seems to run on its own schedule, I'll give you that.

Try letting go of wanting to do anything musical, and just do other things that are creative.  Lack of creativity means something new is missing in your life, so try new things, if you can and as you can and wait for it.  It will come to you when the time is right, consciousness knows what it is doing - there must be a reason for the wait in time - trust me.

Please don't stress...!  Instead, Love.  Love others, love your life, God, everything and anything.
See where you can find gratitude in your environment, go for a walk, and write it down, everywhere you see gratitude and Love.
Try other forms of creativity while you wait such as writing, poetry, painting, sketching, ect, without looking to get the spark back, just let whatever is hidden or blocked come out.  Two forms of creativity can help spark one.  So, if you only have music, find another sub outlet.

When you do this, a pattern will form, that pattern is what you can use as inspiration.  Journaling is the best for this.

Something can grow. 
Look at this picture... it is a song in itself.  A lone lightning strike in a dark sky with a reddened, setting sun.
Look for inspiration everywhere and write.  You will find patterns and see yourself for who you really are.

You can do this... your spirit is NOT broken.  This is the pattern of creative peoples.  This is how we grow.  The creative impulse must be tamed.

[puporing]

2 hours ago, Loba said:

consciousness knows what it is doing - there must be a reason for the wait in time - trust me.

Amen to that, we're so trained to always be 'going somewhere' that if we are still and 'waiting' we have somehow failed. So much wisdom comes from spaciousness.