How to actually create love for yourself?

[puporing]

@Javfly33 It's tough. I've only experienced "unconditional" love once through a therapist, (though ironically paid), and that changed/healed me a lot. I was doing so much inner work but still spinning wheels and not getting too far. Sometimes you do need an 'intervention'. Even just a single interaction was profoundly healing and shook me, it was the first time I felt like I've come 'home' and I didn't know that was what I was struggling for my whole life. Mind you I went through 5 therapists until I found this one. And I did have to exit eventually for other reasons.

Edited January 23, 2022 by puporing

[itachi uchiha]

develop lot of skills and have a lot mastery and u will be in flow state in and u will love yourself. if u work on self help for 7 years ,u will love yourself

[Javfly33]

4 hours ago, itachi uchiha said:

develop lot of skills and have a lot mastery and u will be in flow state in and u will love yourself. if u work on self help for 7 years ,u will love yourself

4 hours ago, itachi uchiha said:

develop lot of skills and have a lot mastery and u will be in flow state in and u will love yourself. if u work on self help for 7 years ,u will love yourself

@itachi uchiha Im definetely doing daily work and Im feeling much better. Like my mind is changing. I Guess now i have to have patience

[mandyjw]

On 1/21/2022 at 6:57 PM, Javfly33 said:

especially when you are in social situations.

Make or write out an intention before you go into them (when you have the luxury of knowing ahead of time.) Don't make the intention "I'm gonna crush it!" or anything super motivational, just make the intention for how you want to feel, which is in this case unconditional (self) love. No matter what you say or what is said, you're gonna be good to yourself. When thoughts that berate yourself come up, you're more likely to say "oh hi, bye" because you know what you want, you made the intention. 

I pulled out in front of a tractor trailer the other day because he had his signal on and I thought he needed me to exit so he could make a turn. It wasn't that dangerous because he was going so slow and having a hard time making the hill anyway, but just the same, when I realized what I did, this very strong pang of what I always thought to be horror and shame and fear rolled into one hit me (not the tractor trailer fortunately). In the past, I'd make it into a story about how I'm a bad driver, or whatever else, but this time I really caught it and felt it, and though hard to describe it felt amazing. Without the thoughts about who did what or why and the expectations for what should have been, emotions are seen, sensations are felt as they are. This is so breathtaking to behold that your dumb misunderstanding can easily turn into the highlight of your day. 

Obviously we don't go around intentionally pulling out in front of tractor trailers or saying stuff to offend people. The intention is only to feel Good, unconditionally. 

Edited January 23, 2022 by mandyjw

[Mu_]

On 1/21/2022 at 6:57 PM, Javfly33 said:

How to Love yourself? Not conceptually like 'Yeahh now I really love myself. Like, I value myself, blabla". Fuck that BS ?! 

I mean actually FEELING yourself in this love/acceptance/goodness vibration wherever you are going, especially when you are in social situations.

I am lately putting more work into socialize more+feeling and I just can't help to feel this hate, in form of thoughts/projection/gloomy belief when I look at myself of literally hate. Sometimes at night, when I open myself to feeling, much of the times I start crying because I feel this awful-feeling thoughts ( That I was not conscious through the day)

Something tells me, If I don't start creating/Vibrating in Love just because (because to be honest, it's the same way I do the hate: " just because"...Since I don't really have a reason to hate myself so much you know) then nothing will really really change. 

 

Ya I had a hard time with this even after 100s of bob dual experiences and 1000s of hours of meditation. 
 

I feel like some shifts happened after I tried a few things that at first felt silly and counter to everything I had learned and framed reality through. 
 

first ask yourself do you feel love or find yourself in loving anything. What does that feel like.  Can you do the same in relation to yourself or your thoughts or emotions.  Like literally love your thought objects and your inner image. Project warmth to it when it arises sometimes. Treat it as a actual alive entity which can be accepted and has value like a person.   Experiment with this. It may feel Very foreign or wierd at first. 
 

If this causes more discomfort then maybe lessen it or stop for a bit and try again. 
 Let me know if you have any questions. 

[hyruga]

You have to let go of everything. But take note, let go of everything does not mean you forget everything. Haha if you forget everything, you would have lost your memories. 

To let go means the triggers/events no longer affect you. That's easier said than done. From time to time, the emotions will just come out and you have to process them again. After processing, you just have to stop thinking so much and just do more things.

But during a critical moment say an interview/impt event when you have no time to process? You have to just think another tot or accept you are out of state and remain positive and loving to yourself. Go back home, think about them again and love yourself.

Edited January 24, 2022 by hyruga