How to actually create love for yourself?

[Javfly33]

How to Love yourself? Not conceptually like 'Yeahh now I really love myself. Like, I value myself, blabla". Fuck that BS ?! 

I mean actually FEELING yourself in this love/acceptance/goodness vibration wherever you are going, especially when you are in social situations.

I am lately putting more work into socialize more+feeling and I just can't help to feel this hate, in form of thoughts/projection/gloomy belief when I look at myself of literally hate. Sometimes at night, when I open myself to feeling, much of the times I start crying because I feel this awful-feeling thoughts ( That I was not conscious through the day)

Something tells me, If I don't start creating/Vibrating in Love just because (because to be honest, it's the same way I do the hate: " just because"...Since I don't really have a reason to hate myself so much you know) then nothing will really really change. 

 

Edited January 22, 2022 by Javfly33

[Tristan12]

Ultimately self-love at a basic human level (not at a super-transcendent spiritual level) comes down to your relationship with your emotions. Your emotions are the core parts of yourself, so if you avoid and dismiss how you feel, you will not have a good relationship with yourself. Think of yourself as the parent and your emotions being a child, and then how you feel about and towards yourself is how your emotions feel about you based on the state they are in (if they are stuck in trauma) and also how you treat them (if you abandon them or be fully with them).

Generally the main reason you would have a bad relationship with your emotions to begin with is because they were hurt and separated from you in childhood, and now they are stuck in that pain, and so your emotions are in a shamed and hurt state already (which you feel because they're your emotions) and then when you avoid or run away from your emotions it just makes it worse (you as the parent ignoring the hurt child) and that leads to spirals of shame, self-hate, etc.

This is something that affirmations or rationalizing to yourself about won't fix, at least at the root, because this is strictly an emotional matter and about your relationship with your emotions. If you want to genuinely feel true love towards yourself and not have some fake bullshit cover up like what you mentioned in the beginning, this is what you need to focus on.

Everything you feel is valid and there for a good reason. If you don't understand why you feel a certain way, it doesn't mean the emotion is invalid, it means you don't understand where it is coming from and you're not seeing the root of it. Therefor when you go against your negative emotions and treat them like an enemy, you are hurting yourself. 

What I would recommend you to do is start learning about emotions, childhood trauma, etc. so you can get an understanding of where your emotions are coming from and why you feel the way you do. Then you will start to develop empathy and understanding towards yourself, you will be more accepting of your difficult emotions and not push them away so much, and then that hurt child inside of you will feel a bit more loved and you will improve your relationship with yourself.

Ultimately to heal completely and genuinely love yourself you will need to heal and process whatever blocked emotions you are holding within you. Without that, parts of you will always be hurt, you will always be stuck in a state of shame to some degree and you won't be able to have a very good relationship with yourself.

Also, don't pressure or expect yourself to love in this state. It's not realistic for you right now. You are better off being more accepting and understanding of these hurt emotions you are feeling, not trying to force them to change or be loving and positive. Just doing that alone will improve your ability to love, counter-intuitively.

Also, you can check out my youtube channel if you want a place to learn about this stuff. Good luck

Edited January 22, 2022 by Tristan12

[Gianna]

Start in a third-person perspective and find deep appreciation for different qualities of @Javfly33. With enough focus and energy, appreciation will turn into gratitude which will turn into self-love. 

[Nahm]

Love is the absence of the separate self of thoughts. 

Love is the absence of people. 

Love is the absence of judgement. 

Love is the absence of even absence. 

Love abhors a vacuum & fills all which is emptied. 

Love is cessation of all else, and all else, is thoughts. 

[Thought Art]

Give yourself a hug

Cry a little bit

say "Thank you" "I am Sorry" "I am glad you are here"

Edited January 22, 2022 by Thought Art

[Gabith]

@Gianna Interesting, never thought about this.

It consist of training myself to observe myself from a third person and creating a positive narrative through the day about the person "I" observe ?

[Thought Art]

10 minutes ago, Gabith said:

@Gianna Interesting, never thought about this.

It consist of training myself to observe myself from a third person and creating a positive narrative through the day about the person "I" observe ?

Yea. Creating distance from ego.

But also, be yourself

[Wilhelm44]

You mentioned BS. The reasons to hate yourself is what I would call BS. 

You hit the nail on the head, there are no reasons to hate yourself.

So what subconsciously perceived benefits might there be in believing that these "reasons" are the truth, when clearly your intuition knows they are all lies. 

 

                                                                                                                         

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, Gabith said:

@Gianna Interesting, never thought about this.

It consist of training myself to observe myself from a third person and creating a positive narrative through the day about the person "I" observe ?

Yes but you don’t have to train yourself, you just have to do it. Do it in a way that you agree with/can genuinely feel/believe. It’s not a self-gaslighting. It is finding authentic and real appreciation. 
 

@Thought Art ??

[PurpleTree]

9 hours ago, Gianna said:

Start in a third-person perspective and find deep appreciation for different qualities of @Javfly33. With enough focus and energy, appreciation will turn into gratitude which will turn into self-love. 

do you happen to have any resources for that "practice" or did you come up with it by yourself?

 

 

[PurpleTree]

15 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

do you happen to have any resources for that "practice" or did you come up with it by yourself?

 

 

because it's interesting. when i think about myself in 3rd person it makes me a bit sad.

sad to see how much he struggles to live a good life and tries to be a "good" person etc.

Edited January 22, 2022 by PurpleTree

[Gianna]

@PurpleTree I came up with it by myself because I did it to myself one day. It started with a thought of thinking about what someone else was doing.. and then I thought, “hm I wonder if they’ve ever thought about what I’m doing, randomly in the middle of the day like this.” Then I thought, “If they did think about what I was doing, what would they be thinking?” And then I thought about all of the things I do and the ways I live my life and what people probably think about those good things. They were all self-appreciating thoughts which eventually turned into a radical state of self-love. So it might help to think about the positive things someone you know/are close to would think about you in their state of loving you. But an objective third person perspective would work too especially if you do not have very loving people around you  

It is right to want to reach a state of self-love, it is a great doorway to enlightenment. Self-love vibrates closely to the vibration of enlightenment. 

[PurpleTree]

5 minutes ago, Gianna said:

@PurpleTree I came up with it by myself because I did it to myself one day. It started with a thought of thinking about what someone else was doing.. and then I thought, “hm I wonder if they’ve ever thought about what I’m doing, randomly in the middle of the day like this.” Then I thought, “If they did think about what I was doing, what would they be thinking?” And then I thought about all of the things I do and the ways I live my life and what people probably think about those good things. They were all self-appreciating thoughts which eventually turned into a radical state of self-love. So it might help to think about the positive things someone you know/are close to would think about you in their state of loving you. But an objective third person perspective would work too especially if you do not have very loving people around you  

nice, thanks

[Gianna]

2 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

because it's interesting. when i think about myself in 3rd person it makes me a bit sad.

sad to see how much i struggle to live a good life and trying to be a "good" person etc.

Well that‘s fine too. You can start there. Sadness can turn into love, you just have to go deeper. So, “I struggle to live a good life and trying to be a "good" person.”

This thought can turn into , “I’m sad because I try to be a good person and still have struggled to live a good life.” 

Which could into to, “trying to be a good person makes me a good person.. hm.” 
 

Can turn into, “What else makes me a good person?” 
 

“I am a good person because I try to be good. I am a good person because I try to be a loving person. I’m a good person because I want to be a loving person. I am a good person because I want to receive love. I want to receive love because I want to give love. I want to give love because I love. I love because…” 

 

And now you are a match to positive feeling thoughts about yourself and will continue to attract more of them/be able to find more of them.  

[Gabith]

@Gianna Thank u

[Flowerfaeiry]

Know your purpose, what you like, get good at some skill like music or art

[puporing]

Bit cliche but, love the other as though they're yourself (also true). 

[Javfly33]

11 hours ago, Nahm said:

Love is the absence of the separate self of thoughts. 

Love is the absence of people. 

Love is the absence of judgement. 

Love is the absence of even absence. 

Love abhors a vacuum & fills all which is emptied. 

Love is cessation of all else, and all else, is thoughts. 

I agree But I Dont even need such Big love. I am Happy with at least a nice vibratory áurea of Love around me ?

The Love u Talk about its quite difficult to achieve (even though its the real nature of Reality) 

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Know your purpose, what you like, get good at some skill like music or art

Trust me, getting good at music or art wont heal this Monster i have inside me ? 

But i know What u mean. Like some kind of motivation and shit. Its definetely important and i got it, its helping me to move my ass and each day i try to become more and more excited with it

[hyruga]

You will be loving when you accept yourself fully.

Now this is not an easy thing to do because many of us will say: I will be happy when I earn a million dollars or get a hot girlfriend.

A smaller step in this direction will be to accept where you are in any situation and be present.