Emotions part 3

[Preety_India]

So @Marcel helped me with these questions. And these are super awesome. 

 

• For how long can you concentrate on a given task without distracting yourself ?
• Are you dabbling?
• How much time do you spend judging?
• How does / has your behaviour changed over time?
• What is your short term and long term goal?
• Which tasks are unproductive vs. unwinding and needed to relax?
• Is what you are doing getting you closer to your goals?
• Is your goal worthwhile?
• Are your values aligning with your every day behaviour?
• How do you deal with other people, corroborative vs. competitive?
• How many of your actions are performed consciously as opposed to on autopilot?
• Do you have minor / major insecurities?
• How honest are you with yourself in an assessment of your shortcomings and things you need to work on?
• How much does your ego influence you?
• What has impacted you most in life?

 

@Marcel once again thank you hun. Much appreciated.

 

Edited January 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I woke up feeling bad again. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

My whole body is aching right now. 

I suffered guilt throughout the night. 

 

[Preety_India]

So this is what was causing me all the guilt. 

 

[Preety_India]

Just didnt sleep at all the whole night. 

I was thinking why my mom acts the way she does. 

And I have realized that there are a couple of reasons why she constantly breaks my boundaries. 

• She is very immature. This is how she is born and probably her mental illness causes her to act like a child 
• Her mental illness means she will always be fighty, restless and never able to make peace with anyone. Her diva behavior means zero compromise with others. She is also a primary psychopath. Which means she will immediately change her behavior as her environment changes and carries the pressure of survival. She will try to adapt and adjust to it the way all psychopaths do. 
• She is a mean bully and a sociopath. I have noticed that whenever someone is having a hard time, she puts them down. She heckles those that she perceives as weak by constantly provoking them, pushing them to the last limit, knowing that they wil not be able to fight back. Her sociopathy is majorly responsible for her immaturity. 
• Identification of "fake victimhood" behavior. It's the most common thread running in patterns of narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy. 
• She has NPD
• She had no struggles and challenges in her 20s,30s and 40s and so she never felt the pressure of emotional growth or emotional maturity. In every relationship she had the upper hand, she never had to struggle for making peace or never had to bother about making peace. She never had any challenges where she would need to be humble and have to accept that things won't be her way because her position was such that things were always under her control and always her way. 
• She was never questioned or supervised or disciplined or punished on her uncooperative or bad behavior. So she never had the chance to see it as bad behavior because there was nobody above her authority to tell her that she was wrong. So she had no need to go out of her way to understand others and humble herself, rather she always thought that she was right. She was never wrong in her eyes, she just couldn't be. 
• She was never exposed to bad behaviors from other people. Wherever she went she was greeted by good people. She was treated well enough. She never stepped out of the house for the majority of her married life. Growing up I saw her as a very sheltered coddled woman. As a result of this sheltering she never had the opportunities for social growth like many people do in their early and late twenties and throughout their lives. This is the kind of growth that everyone goes through at some stage in life especially in their 20s. You learn socialization, you learn how people are, you learn about social games, you learn about human nature, human behavior, human psyche, you learn about how people think, you learn about life, world, society. You attain emotional maturity and intellectual maturity the more you learn. You learn emotional intelligence. By connecting and talking to people, by experiencing large number of people, you gain social maturity, and slowly you gain emotional maturity and finally you gain emotional intelligence. She never had this opportunity because for the majority of her life, she always remained in the kitchen and never spoke a word to anyone in the world except for barking at her husband and children. She never had a single "people" experience for half of her married life. These "people experiences" are extremely vital for overall human growth. Without these  a person is stunted for life. Then how in the world would she develop the qualities/skills of social maturity, emotional understanding, emotional maturity, intellectual maturity, emotional intelligence.... Where will all this growth come from if she willingly blocked herself from these valuable opportunities and experiences? She basically lived an "emotionally and socially and intellectually stunted" life. 
• She never had any deep problems where she would exclusively need to focus on herself. So her focus was always on judging others rather than herself. 

 

 

Edited January 28, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Shadow work is not just digging and questioning and going deeper into the psyche or self awareness but also serious contemplations on all situations. 

 

[Preety_India]

What are the characteristics of a sociopath? 

I'll discuss these later. 

 

[Preety_India]

There are still things bugging me. 

I haven't accomplished much in the past two days. Been slacking. 

 

 

 

Edited January 28, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I woke up from a bad dream once again. 

In the dream I had a huge farm but I was too lazy to work on it. So I hired a group  of people to work on it 

 

[Preety_India]

A new day and it's a Sunday. 

 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Marcel said:

*Maidily takes care of the whole farm for you 

Omg. Here comes my husband. 

 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The moment I woke up I was thinking about rocking nudes. 

I had this idea in mind to just stack up nude lipsticks in my collection. 

These days I'm just playing with lipsticks so much. 

I just love makeup. 

 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

And this is what I came across. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Update, January 29, 2022. 

This woman is such a train wreck. (I'm talking about my mom). 

She has been harassing me over the past 2 hours to go to the doctor 

I called the doctor's office and there's nobody there. 

And she just doesn't leave me alone. 

I'm tired of her drama and factitious disorders. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Now it's January 31st.2022. 

I'm feeling a bit exhausted and not keeping well. 

Body aches and spasms. 

I just took my medication. 

 

[Preety_India]

I cannot even move my body by an inch 

The pain has spread across the whole body 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

17 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Im sorry to hear that hun ?

I love you 

*Wishes you all the best and sends all the healing and kiss energy in the universe 

Thank you hun. I love you. Keeees. 

[Preety_India]

I think my body went into temporary anaphylaxis. It wasn't severe enough to need hospitalization. 

But my whole body was inflamed. Systemic inflammation. 

I'm generally not that allergic to atmospheric allergens. 

However this could be due to something that I ate that my body gave a severe allergic response to causing the intense inflammation. 

I have told my mom several times to not add allergic substances to food. But she doesn't care. 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I love you. 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel *throws Blumen at you.