2 Girls 1 Problem

[Kubia]

I have a problem with 2 girls.

The first girl is beautiful, a tiger, and every time we do something we end up having mindblowing sex. The problem is, outside the bed we are not that compatible, i'm more an INTP when she is an extroverted commander, it can work sometimes but honestly i can't figure much a life with her. I love her personality (opposite of mine), but i'm more of an intellectual turtle and she is a race horse.

We end up breaking up 2 times, because she went away for studies and work. But now she has returned and passion has exploded again, BUT, i think that deep down she not view me has a lasting boyfriend despite our amazing chemistry. Every time we break up i felt the worst pain ever, she is like cryptonite to me.

 

The second girl is more like myself, our sex is also good and we can talk non-stop with no filters. We know each other for more than 10 years now. She is in love with me, she treat me well, give me gift etc etc. She is a good girl. The thing is, i don't feel the same crazy feeling for her, or the feelings i feel for the first girl.

Logically, i should go with the second girl because is a much more stable situation for me, and i can do my thing (work, hobbies) in a much more calm state of mind. The second girl hit me like a truck every time and i'm incapable of doing nothing outside thinking her when she don't respond to my messages. This situation is driving me crazy.

 

Why 'logically' i say to my self to stick to the second girl that loves me, but then i get myself in crazy situation with the first one that i know will not go to anywhere?

Im an asshole? What would you do? What should I do?

 

Thank you.

[Gregory1]

2 hours ago, Kubia said:

Im an asshole?

Yes.

[Gregory1]

No I mean, do what feels right. No right or wrong here 

[Windappreciator]

introduce them to another and let them have a cage match in mud, the winner gets.. well, you

[Roy]

It sounds like neither of them are "it" for you, so you need to take what you've learned from your experiences with them and move onto find that next girl that does check all the boxes.

Why settle?

[integral]

@Kubia The first relationship is a INTP + ESTJ pairing, its the most common marriage mistake. Avoid. Down the line if you break up and have kids, you'll be left with a person your stuck dealing with for the rest of your life and ESTJs tend to have strong double standards and "my way or the high way" approach to separated parenting. 

Dive deeper into girl 1 to see what her values are and how she would raise a child for example, see the clear differences and try to predict down the line all the topics you'll disagree on. Its likely your values don't match and she values stuff you don't care about and the issue will be that she will push strongly to get her way, while the INTP tends to just give up with peoples bullshit. 

Edited January 21, 2022 by integral

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ6c36XQ5RM

its possible the first girl is triggering childhood neurosis inside of you, perhaps you disowned the part of your personality that is wild and a tiger and are drawn to it in here 

[universe]

Love is nothing you decide logically, listen to your heart.

❤️

[Raptorsin7]

@Kubia How would the girls feel if they knew about each other?

[Husseinisdoingfine]

Marry both of them and let them be collections in your harem.

[Kubia]

12 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Kubia How would the girls feel if they knew about each other?

They already "know" each other. Im not in a serious relationship with any of the two, but I want to make a decision.

When the first girl came back, i stopped seeing the second one that was in a serious emotional pain, of course. I don't want to be the cause of any pain, but those fucked up feelings are out of my control.

14 hours ago, integral said:

@Kubia The first relationship is a INTP + ESTJ pairing, its the most common marriage mistake. Avoid. Down the line if you break up and have kids, you'll be left with a person your stuck dealing with for the rest of your life and ESTJs tend to have strong double standards and "my way or the high way" approach to separated parenting. 

Dive deeper into girl 1 to see what her values are and how she would raise a child for example, see the clear differences and try to predict down the line all the topics you'll disagree on. Its likely your values don't match and she values stuff you don't care about and the issue will be that she will push strongly to get her way, while the INTP tends to just give up with peoples bullshit. 

Yeah I know this pairing is not the ideal. In a way we complement each other, but i think that the differences can become exacerbated when the 'honeymoon phase' wears off. Anyway i want to dive a little deeper to see some red-flags and then make a more clear-headed decision.

16 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Yes.

Thanks!

16 hours ago, Roy said:

It sounds like neither of them are "it" for you, so you need to take what you've learned from your experiences with them and move onto find that next girl that does check all the boxes.

Why settle?

Maybe you're right, i need a little bit more time to elaborate.

 

16 hours ago, Windappreciator said:

introduce them to another and let them have a cage match in mud, the winner gets.. well, you

I could also sell ticket to the match.

 

12 hours ago, universe said:

Love is nothing you decide logically, listen to your heart.

❤️

Of course, but maybe my heart is dumb.

13 hours ago, Raze said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ6c36XQ5RM

its possible the first girl is triggering childhood neurosis inside of you, perhaps you disowned the part of your personality that is wild and a tiger and are drawn to it in here 

Interesting prespective, i should investigate more on this. Thanks.

Edited January 21, 2022 by Kubia

[Windappreciator]

8 minutes ago, Kubia said:

I could also sell ticket to the match.

why not, right?

[Nahm]

First I’d try what @Windappreciator recommended. If that doesn’t work, just be honest. Excellent title btw. 

[JosephKnecht]

19 hours ago, Kubia said:

Im an asshole? What would you do? What should I do?

 

Where did we lose the cup?

Your questions are not my cup of tea. 

[StarStruck]

What is this INTP  ESTJ talk? Is there a book on the book list that I missed?

Edited January 21, 2022 by StarStruck

[happyhappy]

50 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

Where did we lose the cup?

Your questions are not my cup of tea. 

haaha the cup!

[happyhappy]

25 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

What is this INTP  ESTJ talk? Is there a book on the book list that I missed?

personality categories by myers briggs

ISTJ - The Inspector

ISTP - The Crafter

ISFJ - The Protector

ISFP - The Artist

INFJ - The Advocate

INFP - The Mediator

INTJ - The Architect

INTP - The Thinker

ESTP - The Persuader

ESTJ - The Director

ESFP - The Performer

ESFJ - The Caregiver

ENFP - The Champion

ENFJ - The Giver

ENTP - The Debater

ENTJ - The Commander

[Kubia]

27 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

Your questions are not my cup of tea. 

Honestly I don't ask you personally, but thank you for letting me know that.

30 minutes ago, Nahm said:

 Excellent title btw. 

I see, you're a man of culture as well.

Anyway, there is a book or an article that explains the best paring for personalities? I'd like to read a bit of that just for curiosity.

[Thunder Kiss]

2 hours ago, Kubia said:

When the first girl came back, i stopped seeing the second one that was in a serious emotional pain,

Well if girl 2 has any sense she won’t take you back after you dropped her as soon as girl 1 came back.  
leave girl 2 alone, don’t mess with her feelings.  

[Kubia]

6 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

Well if girl 2 has any sense she won’t take you back after you dropped her as soon as girl 1 came back.  
leave girl 2 alone, don’t mess with her feelings.  

It has happened before in the past, we are in the same friends group and is she always do the first move on me. I've already told her that i don't have feelings for her. She is like "Uh, that's okay...so at least we can have sex?", so i'm like.."I guess?". But this strategy of course doesn't work because every time she grows attached to me. I was extremely clear every time.

She is extremely insistent, so every time i said "no more", in a way or another we ended up having sex. The only strategy can be blocking her on every way she can contact me, AND don't see my shared friends with her. I even tried that, but after a long period things slowly came back to the previous state.

Btw I think i could kill her family and she still forgive me. Love is blind i guess.