My Situation - Feedback Appreciated

[Menko]

Hi all,

I'd like to get some feedback if possible on my current situation and how to proceed. It would be too time consuming to post my entire life story but I'll try to be as clear and include as much as possible. It may be worth noting that I have always been very analytical, deep thinking and introverted so you can get an idea of how my thought process works.

So I recently turned 22. I have followed a fairly typical route here in the UK of school, college, university. In college and uni I studied music and I have played drums for over a decade now. I dropped out of uni due to seeing the qualification in music as useless, and due to money concerns. I live at home with my parents and have never had a job besides helping my dad (he is a tree surgeon).

So, faced with the "real world" outside of educational institutions, I spent 2016 improving my health, fitness and practising drums a lot - trying to form a project with a guitarist. But this never really got anywhere. Struggling with anxiety and depression for most of my life, I finally went to therapy for several months, which helped initially but ultimately led to an existential crisis...

During winter of 2016 I entered a deep depression (I have suffered the past few years with this), seeing life as meaningless etc. At this point I began to look towards spirituality (something I'd dismissed, being someone who identified as an atheist, etc.) I also began watching a lot of Leo's content on self-development and enlightenment. I am trying to be more accepting of life as it is (embracing death), and not living in my ego and I have done meditation for a while now. I saw my previous way of dealing with life as egotistical - always thinking of how "I" can progress and improve and what I can attain. I see now that that isn't going to bring happiness or fulfilment, so I'm reluctant to return to this kind of lifestyle.

But now I'm looking at my options: I could pursue only enlightenment and forget everything else, but even Leo advised against this. Alternatively I have an opportunity to "master" some practical elements of my life. Namely, my plan for 2017 would be to be enrolling in an apprenticeship program working in IT (something I have some skill and interest in). This would give me an opportunity to become financially independent, but also means a 9-5 schedule for the next 4+ months. Though with the money I'd earn there I could realise some life-goals that I've had for a while now (mainly travelling, seeing the world). A friend of mine is also willing to join me in exploring some other countries. My worry though is that I'll get sucked into that busy materialistic lifestyle and become depressed again...

I hope this wasn't too convoluted. Any advice or examples of your own experiences with this kind of situation would be greatly appreciated. Also feel free to ask any questions.

- Ollie



 

Edited January 8, 2017 by Menko

[Damien]

@Menko

From reading your post it seems that you are at a Crossroad. I have no experience with depression so I can not comment on that.

What struck me while reading your post is the following, you seem to have a very short term view on professional life. We are 22. This the spring of our lives. So what if you have to spend a few years doing IT and then you realise you want to do something else! I think it is important to plan for the long run and just bank on the fact that it is likely that we live until we are 90. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't pursue spirituality or personal development. It just means that either way  you ll have a carreer and its most likely going to last 50 years. 

I met such crossroads in my life and I realized that if I took a decision wholeheartedly with all the intel at hand at that time. It would be the good one and I won't regret it. Just do something your attracted to and that makes you grow. 

It is easier to steer a moving ship.

I hope this was of some help

[Menko]

@Damien Thanks for the response. I agree, I have done nothing much the past few months, just meditation and learning about self-development. But I feel that I'm going to be in a better position if I pursue some of these goals than if I wait forever for something to happen. If this career path doesn't work out then I'm only going to be closer to finding my life purpose, with experience of what I do/don't like.

Edited January 9, 2017 by Menko

[Bob84]

@Menko There is nothing wrong with being materialistic, we all want stuff, and hey, who doesn't prefer a nice conformity bed over a cardboard box.
Your ego wants both so there's no point in me answering which one, as your going for both anyways .

Anyways doing nothing, or even just thinking about doing something doesn't do anything. So do something

[MIARIVEL]

@Menko Before I tell you a bit about my story, I have a challenge for you. For one day I want you to wake up and decide your going to be extreamly happy today no matter what comes your way. If you get a negative comment, thank people instead of reacting, if you start thinking about things didn't work out in the past, think about a time in your life when you were really happy (this may even be a moment in your life you were happy about something someone did or something happened), for one day let go of the past and whatever happen and just be present and love and appreciate everything around you and everyone. Don't let negative influences influence your happy day. Choose happiness for one whole day. Then the next day you can go back to however it is you want to feel or go back to being depressed. 

Notice how you you felt the day you choose happiness. 

I believe depression is a state of mind and you create your own reality. I suffered from depression for years and I accepted Doctors giving me medication and seeing counsellors that didn't do anything because I wasn't open to change and people always wanted to talk about the past and get to the root casues and understanding all this crap that doesn't even matter.

You need to realize your past no longer matters, its gone. Today is a new day and its what you CHOOSE to do today that counts. Change the way you think and start by challenging your thinking patterns and when something upsets you or makes you sad, get up and do as many star jumps as you can and tell me if you are still depressed after that. 

[Passionate]

@Menko I think that you should do something.  Sometimes, you start out in the IT field and you end up coaching.  What's important is that you explore your interests, and they will lead you where you need to go.  I agree with the other commentators in that you have many many years ahead of you, and you will lose the most precious commodity that you have - time - trying to make the RIGHT choice.  Where I come from, we learn from making mistakes, and it's our mistakes that help us build our character and help us to find out who we truly are.  So, get out there and start exploring!!  All the best to you in your journey.  

[forest]

I think it's important to be strategic with how we get to where we want to be. If you have to study and work a 9-5 for a bit in order to fulfill your larger goals, then it's worth doing. You have to start somewhere, and this could give you the means to start moving your life in a new positive direction.

 

On 1/19/2017 at 10:57 PM, MIA.RIVEL said:

@Menko I believe depression is a state of mind and you create your own reality. I suffered from depression for years and I accepted Doctors giving me medication and seeing counsellors that didn't do anything because I wasn't open to change and people always wanted to talk about the past and get to the root casues and understanding all this crap that doesn't even matter.

I agree that for therapy to work you must be open to change. In my experience I have found it extremely helpful to trace my depression and anxiety back to it's source.  Having a true understanding of my emotions and the reasons behind them has been vital to my progress. Another often overlooked aspect of therapy is that is important to find the right therapist - a great relationship based in trust and mutual respect is essential.  I've had bad therapists that contributed negatively to my mental health, and therapists that have helped change my life for the better. Depression is complicated and it's not always as simple as just changing one's mind about being depressed. It's not always as simple as a choice or flipping a switch. 

As a side note, if you are ever feeling suicidal or like you want to harm yourself in any way, you absolutely must seek professional help. There is no shame in therapy, and there is no shame in taking medication if that is the push you need to conquer depression.

 

 

[Menko]

@forest Thank you. I have been taking medication for 7 days now as I was very hopeless and suicidal. I hope it will help me to overcome depression, and I think spirituality will be a part of that too - letting go of fear is something I think is going to be important.