Has anybody here gotten good results with Tinder, Badoo etc.?

[Karmadhi]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

I didn't say only low value girls use tinder. I said that as an average to even above average guy on tinder you are only going to be able to consistently match with low to medium value girls

Why always girls get the best deal? I do not get this bullshit. Why cant guys match with girls hotter than them but it has to be the other way around. Why can't it be balanced. A 5 matches with a 5 and that's it. Girls always getting stuff better than their level. Tired of this garbage really.

Edited January 22, 2022 by Karmadhi

[something_else]

14 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Why always girls get the best deal? I do not get this bullshit. Why cant guys match with girls hotter than them but it has to be the other way around. Why can't it be balanced. A 5 matches with a 5 and that's it. Girls always getting stuff better than their level. Tired of this garbage really.

The grass is always greener

[Karmadhi]

10 hours ago, something_else said:

The grass is always greener

Could you please elaborate  

[something_else]

3 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

Could you please elaborate  

The grass is always greener on the other side

It always looks like things are better for others than they are for you

[Karmadhi]

@something_else I mean man you said it explicietly that girls will get a better deal than themselves on these apps. "A decent looking guy will get maximum an average girl". How is this not greener on the other side?

 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

@something_else I mean man you said it explicietly that girls will get a better deal than themselves on these apps. "A decent looking guy will get maximum an average girl". How is this not greener on the other side?

 

You can also walk down the street without worrying about getting raped and murdered

Yes girls get a better deal on dating apps but that's a very narrow slice of life

[Karmadhi]

27 minutes ago, something_else said:

You can also walk down the street without worrying about getting raped and murdered

Yes girls get a better deal on dating apps but that's a very narrow slice of life

Well this is the dating and relationship section so we will talk about dating and relationships not about safety.  

I am sure girls struggle in other stuff outside dating much more than guys do.

[flowboy]

@Karmadhi  What @something_else said was a good point.

Another factor is that women can get laid more easily than men, but just getting laid is less fulfilling to women than it is for men (generalizing).

A typical healthy woman will value safety, relationship and masculine containment way more than casual sex, even if she enjoys both.

So casual sex for her is typically just a way to get to the good stuff (being contained in a relationship) and have fun along the way.

For you, it may be the good stuff itself! At least in this phase of your life.

So yes, for her it's easier, but less satisfying.

 

None of this is something to get upset about. You can still have casual sex with women who are physically more attractive than you, if that's what you want.

Just takes a little more effort than just swiping

Edited January 28, 2022 by flowboy

[PurpleTree]

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

None of this is something to get upset about. You can still have casual sex with women who are physically more attractive than you, if that's what you want.

Just takes a little more effort than just swiping

you had me at "physically more attractive" i guess the method is to slip roofies into their drinks right?

(jk i would never do that)

but yea rejection is so scary, much less on an app obviously

[Karmadhi]

14 hours ago, flowboy said:

A typical healthy woman will value safety, relationship and masculine containment way more than casual sex, even if she enjoys both

Look man even though i am relatively an introvert i am a social person and have interactedand befriended dozens and dozens of people during my years. Almost half of them were girls, the rest were guys. I can tell you that i have rarely seen a girl that has not had at least a couple guys liking her at many points of her life but she chose to ignore them and obsess over some super high value guy or just ignore them. I have rarely seen guys have this type of options with girls. The average girl has many many more guys into her than the average guy has girls into him.

I am not talking about top 10 percent of attractive people here, i am talking about the average person which is the norm. When you talk about social situations you talk about trends, about the generality not about outliers.

It is like calling India a rich country because 10 percent of its population have good money and now India is suddendly rich. You look at what the AVERAGE indian earns to determine if it is a rich or medium or poor country.

Same logic here.

What are the options of an average girl and what are the options of an average guy? How many guys does an average girl have that are into her and how many girls does the average guy have that are into him? 

Yes, i know that personally you can increase your value and not be a "average" person but we are talking about social trends here, not about personal problems.

Edited January 28, 2022 by Karmadhi

[flowboy]

@Karmadhi If you insist on being attached to this feeling that something is not fair, don't let me stop you

But that is your choice.

It has consequences for your well-being.

 

You could try letting it go. Maybe just for a minute.

It won't kill you, I promise

You deserve, and can have, everything you really want.

Edited January 28, 2022 by flowboy

[Karmadhi]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

If you insist on being attached to this feeling that something is not fair, don't let me stop you

But that is your choice.

It has consequences for your well-being.

 

You could try letting it go. Maybe just for a minute.

It won't kill you, I promise

You deserve, and can have, everything you really want.

I totally agree with you. I was just discussing this on a societial level not on an individual level. It is like saying i work hard and i am well off so i will not care talk about poverty. You can actualize and improve yourself all you want and you should but when you talk about the societal level of things, your personal situation makes little difference. Just because i managed to become rich from poor does not change the economic level and equality of the country. Yes it made my life better, but when we are having a discussion about the issues of the economy of the country and poor people etc my wealth matters little.

So please when we talk about society trends do not make it about me personally. It deflects my arguments and defeats the purpose.

I am well aware that feeling like a victim does not help, i am aware how this all works and i am actively working on improving it.

Just because you are discussing an issue does not mean you feel like a victim or are not taking action on improving your situation.

 

 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Karmadhi

[kag101]

i have had bad results. i'm an above average guy. it's really frustrating. i feel like the app doesn't show my profile to them.     

i installed inner circle recently, and it's been sorta better. i've met an interesting girl there.

 

[hamedsf]

You being a first-world citizen can be a kinda advantage if you have nothing in your hands to provide. 

mostly, desperate females like from ukraine or russia are looking for that kind of first-world guy but let's face it those are the girls that are mostly gold diggers or have low self-esteem attached to your advantage rather than being attracted to yourself. 

so, if you're from the USA, at least, look for girls that have the same or more quality of life than you like from finland or sweden.

but if you asked my opinion, the best of all is to get out and exercise your confidence face to face with real women out there.

[flowboy]

@Karmadhi  I'm habitually suspicious when people put energy into discussing topics that feel disempowering.

It's an occupational hazard.

Usually there's something there, unresolved, that if it were resolved, the interest in the topic would dissipate altogether.

Now sometimes I am wrong, sometimes I am right, but I certainly will respect your wish to not make it about you.

You didn't ask for that.

Edited January 29, 2022 by flowboy

[Karmadhi]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

I'm habitually suspicious when people put energy into discussing topics that feel disempowering.

It's an occupational hazard.

Usually there's something there, unresolved, that if it were resolved, the interest in the topic would dissipate altogether.

Now sometimes I am wrong, sometimes I am right, but I certainly will respect your wish to not make it about you.

You didn't ask for that.

So when Leo talks about economic inequality it means it is an occupational hazard?

When people talk about politics in a dinner table it is an occupational hazard?

Society issues are always talked and discussed between people regardless of their standings and positions.

I doubt rich people do not talk about economics just because they are not rich.

I doubt people that have power do not talk about politics just because they have power now.

I am personally in a better situation than the average guy but cannot help and feel like average guys are in a hard situation. 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Kshantivadin]

On 1/28/2022 at 11:59 PM, flowboy said:

You deserve, and can have, everything you really want.

How do I actually start feeling like this?

[Bando]

On 1/22/2022 at 6:00 PM, Karmadhi said:

Why always girls get the best deal? I do not get this bullshit. Why cant guys match with girls hotter than them but it has to be the other way around

Thats the way the world works, i hate to play the biology card but men don't have to have high standards to have sex with women there's no sunk cost in it for them they can afford to mess around with just about any girl, its not like that for women they have to screen harder in a man and look for qualities that would make good offspring, its a cliche perspective but you can't outwire human biology. If you yourself were a girl you would behave the exact way they do now.

On 1/22/2022 at 6:00 PM, Karmadhi said:

Why can't it be balanced. A 5 matches with a 5 and that's it. Girls always getting stuff better than their level

People will always be entitled to things they don't deserve thats how the ego works also just because girls can have sex easier it doesn't mean they can't experience heartbreak as well, they dont value sex nearly as much as emotional security.

[flowboy]

11 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

How do I actually start feeling like this?

Depends on what's in the way. What aspect of your inner experience is not in accordance with that currently?

It is the natural state, so it's all about removing conditioning and you get there.

[Kshantivadin]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Depends on what's in the way. What aspect of your inner experience is not in accordance with that currently?

 

On 1/28/2022 at 11:59 PM, flowboy said:

You deserve, and can have, everything you really want.

I feel this emotional/energetic dirt/filth that blocks resonating with this statement.

At least I don't have a resounding "NO!" or "impossible" as a reaction to something like this anymore.

Regarding conditioning, there is definitely something about the "deserving" and "can have" part. Firstly, it's like the "deserve" is always around the corner, very conditional, a carrot on a stick of my perfectionism where I will never live up to my standards and then start deserving something. Regarding the "can have" is a feeling of impotence of simply being unable to manifest what I want.

It also feels like a play with oneself, the masculine ego basking in the beauty of the struggle and thus blocking the actualisation of desires.

The two interpretations are from different perspectives, so let me know what you think.