I am rather freaked out right now…

[Illusory Self]

I am lying in bed on my side and all of a sudden I start to feel my bodily energies syncing into something. I felt a lot of strange stuff in my body, energy wise. I am laying in bed on my right side trying to get to sleep while this is happening. Then I see this almost white thing ( it feels like I am seeing it in another dimension) it has the name kind of shape as a spider but not a spider, something of a different form. You could say I saw one of its white legs (quite large) trying to go into my nose. The constant whispering noise I heard is “let me in” during the whole duration, this is while I felt all strange energetic sensations of syncing throughout my body. I was in the state for a while, feeling fully into this horrible fear & terror trying to somehow get rid of it & turn it into something else but there is only so much one can take so I moved and got out of it. As I moved & got out of it, my right side of my body felt really paralysed. I feel right now my body is somewhat shaking & I am scared to get back to sleep again as if this might happen again.  Something like this has never happened to me before, I am usually the complete opposite of fearful, more like dulled out to fear…. 
 

what the hell did I just experience? 

I felt like some toxic entity was trying to enter my being & it was so terrifying

maybe I should of tried going for longer, I wanted to surrender to it but didn’t know how. I think it lasted for a few minutes but it feels so much longer when you are so scared 

Edited January 17, 2022 by Illusory Self

[Raptorsin7]

@Illusory Self On my break through trips it feels like I'm no longer a person, but instead i'm this infinite intelligence creepy spider thing. It feels like I'm playing with myself, and it always gives me subtle creepy vibes.

I think the desire to end suffering has to be greater than whatever obstacles come up. I don't doubt that is it freaky, but you have to lean into it and accept it for what it is.

On my trips the reason it doesn't bother me that I'm this creepy infinite intelligence spider is because I just want my suffering to end and feel liberated so everything else pales in comparison.

Edited January 17, 2022 by Raptorsin7

[ValiantSalvatore]

Is this not also some sort of Jhanic experience? Seeing white light. I have had kriya experiences, yet nothing like this. I heard white light in various contexts, yet I am unsure if IIRC, this is some casual state phenomenon... 

No experience here.

Edited January 18, 2022 by ValiantSalvatore

[Seraphim]

If you can afford it, maybe it would be worth visiting someone who can see these things and knows how to deal with them, like a shaman, psychic, healer, etc. I have never had any experiences like that, but I don't have any psychic abilities to be able to sense it, maybe normal people like me have been attacked like that without knowing it, I do believe things like that can happen  which is why I recommend visiting an expert.

[BipolarGrowth]

What is the chance this is just sleep paralysis in your opinion? 

[Illusory Self]

5 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

What is the chance this is just sleep paralysis in your opinion? 

Was not that because I could move whenever I wanted 

[BipolarGrowth]

5 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

Was not that because I could move whenever I wanted 

I guess I was maybe too focused on the part where you mentioned a part of your body was paralyzed and you were in bed. 

[Vincent S]

@Illusory Self I had something similar happen to me a few weeks ago.
I was in between sleep and awake state: And when I turned to my right: This white light portal just opened infront of my face.
And it was kind of sucking my Consciousness in to itself. But I didnt fear the whole thing. Dont get me wrong, its nothing you experience on a daily basis. But I kind of trusted the whole thing. It was very beautiful.
I do get in similar states, when I sleep paralysis as well. But sleep-paralysis is an in between state or layer (some sort of purgatory realm) between dream layers.
Its freaky at first. But its been happening so much, that Im sorta used to it by now. I go through some deep layers of the subconscious layer of the Universe. It has almost a primordial and very "beginning of time" theme to it. Its like going in the programming behind the beginning of Everything. I do get a deep feeling that this is something God went through before she made the dream she herself got lost in.

Edited January 18, 2022 by Vincent S

[roopepa]

9 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

maybe I should of tried going for longer, I wanted to surrender to it but didn’t know how.

There is no need for suffering. There is no a you to fight or surrender.

Have you smoked cannabis or used psychedelics lately?

I'm quite sure this experience was nothing special, just discordant thoughts projected as dream-like hallucination. Stuff like this might happen right before falling asleep.

What comes to anxiety and difficulty relaxing and sleeping, focus on the large muscels in leg area and breathing from the stomach. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Illusory Self http://rc.leighb.com/more/Nimitta.htm

Quote

The Pali word nimitta literally means "sign." As was mentioned in the chapter in Right Concentration on Access Concentration, seeing a "diffused white light is a sign of good concentration." And as was mentioned in the chapter in Right Concentration on Entering the Jhānas, very subtle breathing or seemingly not even breathing are "signs that you've likely arrived at access concentration."

Unsure if it felt like this. The article goes in a bit more depth. My practice is more khanika samadhi focused, which is different, yet it suits me. 

I don't know if you are meditating while sleeping, when you can't sleep and for instance smth. like this happend. The experience sounds very weird. 

Quote

To the yogin who attends to the incoming breath with mind that is cleansed of the nine lesser defilements the nimitta arises with a pleasant feeling similar to that which is produced in the action of spinning cotton or silk cotton. Also, it is likened to the pleasant feeling produced by a breeze.

The fear part does not sound good, I'd recommend you talk to one experienced teacher once a year for a check-up with experiences and practices. You can schedule talks with Shinzen even.

Edited January 18, 2022 by ValiantSalvatore

[Illusory Self]

1 hour ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

@Illusory Self http://rc.leighb.com/more/Nimitta.htm

Unsure if it felt like this. The article goes in a bit more depth. My practice is more khanika samadhi focused, which is different, yet it suits me. 

I don't know if you are meditating while sleeping, when you can't sleep and for instance smth. like this happend. The experience sounds very weird. 

The fear part does not sound good, I'd recommend you talk to one experienced teacher once a year for a check-up with experiences and practices. You can schedule talks with Shinzen even.

@ValiantSalvatore

 

Thanks! 

I think the weird part is that I heard voices saying 'let me in' 

I was mainly scared by seeing some other kind of entity, It felt like I was seeing it in another dimension though. White, they shape of a spider on what I could tell. I could not get to sleep for like 5 hours after because I felt like i was going to drift off into that state again. I was not even trying to meditate, I was just on my right side trying to get to sleep & it just happened super spontaneously. Don't really know what it was, I felt like I was inbetween 2 different dimensions or something. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

@Illusory Self Look at some classical stuff, this new ager "hitlery" is very difficult to understand imo. Without 1000h of research of where it all came from. Or having a very competent teacher and access to him/her.

I once had an experience too where I thought I heard voices rather recently, with a very strong kriya experience. I talked to Shinzen basically he told me to not pay any attention to it and to not follow to do what the voices say. I am unsure if the talk is still recorded. This was during a micro-retreat. It was not pleasent it would have been better if I'd had someone around me. It basically is schizophrenic. There are different experience where people report avatars/angels and stuff like that that would be casual level state experiences. I had none of them dreams are on the subtle level.

I made a schedule with the a neurologist even, to check for physical symptoms and received a CMRT basically a brain scan, they could not even evaluate the results, because they lacked the technology, they did it in a different way, yet there was nothing indicative of smthing causing this phenomenon.

It's good that you did not freak out. Just sort of experience this isness of it and don't make a big deal out of it. Asking for help is good imo. 

If it is gone, it's gone. That is good!

I'd still ask a competent teacher about the phenomenon even multiple if possible.

As far as I can recall from reading white light is indicative of entering casual state level phenomenon. I am still very disorganized currently. Check out some Wilber books and Daniel Ingrams stuff. 

Edited January 18, 2022 by ValiantSalvatore

[SgtPepper]

Circumstances like those need to be handled with truth and love.

if you allow your own fear to take handle, you are playing right into that 'entities' game (by the way, the entity is your shadow).

There needs to be a confrontation of your shadow with consciousness and rationality, so that understanding can be had. 

If you are not grounded in truth and love, then call onto it.