Having guilt for taking too much Psychedelics?

[Vincent S]

1 hour ago, 4201 said:

Is the problem really too much psychedelics or not enough integration? What makes you think you would do more integration if you tripped less? Perhaps this feeling is telling you to integrate now rather than doubting this or that. To me, it feels like you are trying to use psychedelics as a scapegoat for your lack of integration or practices.

Thank you for your answer!
I mean, honestly, there was a huge shift and a change of my "being" last year. I changed A Lot. I have been trying to improve for the past 3 years. But last years change, was on steroids. Like the "person, being, ego" I was 2 years ago, nonexistant. I didnt even recognise myself half of the time. The change was really big. I went cold-turkey with a lot of stuff. And all of it was "sacrificed" for the greater good. I wanted to get out of that narrow and shallow perspective.

But It all happened too quick. And a lot of the "hidden" programming at the subconscious level, wasnt really dealt with. Most of these changes was on the surface level of Consciousness. I did go deep, but not deep enough in to the subconscious depths. I did a lot of integration. But the changes and the potential I saw, the things I witnessed, was so extremely paradigm-shattering, that I just gave up. I realized that Integration can be done, but this is to huge, that It will take time. All of it cant be done under a "year". A part of my "spiritual" ego died off along the way. And Im quite thankful for that. Because I wanted it to be shattered to pieces as well. So that more Truth could be revealed.

The 180 degree shift during last year, ended up with summarized ego backlash, that lasted for two weeks.
I didnt experience much of an ego backlash during the year. It came back to bite me after new years.
But I wasnt trying so much to suppress it, as of the awareness I was given during the previous year. Gave me the endurance and patience to just watch it run its course. I just watched in happen, for two weeks. It was hard sometimes, as old patterns and old ways of thinking was fighting to get a hold and to push me back. But as time passed, I noticed the space between whatever was happening: Growing, more and more.

 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Vincent S

[Vincent S]

14 minutes ago, Vincent S said:

Perhaps this feeling is telling you to integrate now rather than doubting this or that. To me, it feels like you are trying to use psychedelics as a scapegoat for your lack of integration or practices.

My life turned in to a 24 hour meditation, during the time...
When eating, sleeping, normal meditation, reading, listening to music, contemplating, doing long walks in the forrest, revisiting a lot of the teachings I had on the psychedelics, opening up more and more, being more and more openminded for everything, so much so that I was almost being manipulated and changed by others, because I was so open for everything.
There is only so much integration you can do.
I just needed more time, rather than run with my spirtual ego, trying to chase the next big realization. Im thankful for everything a long the way. But the doer can only do so much really. Its just a finite perspective, and as long as we are "formed" we are not the Infinite Perspective.
 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Vincent S

[Vincent S]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

There’s no separate self or past, just the thoughts about. 

"The skull remains, it laughs..." Alan Watts.

[Nahm]

On 1/16/2022 at 0:17 PM, Vincent S said:

This is stuck to me, honestly. I dont know how to get rid of this feeling.
But I have had crazy awakenings and seen some stuff that cannot be unseen on Pyschedelics.
Whoever have had similar experiences, know what I am talking about. I dont really need to go in to detail about them.

I have had a few 5 meo dmt trips, around 4-5 times. 10 ish LSD trips with average of 3-4 tabs.
I have done ayahuasca 3 times. San pedro once. MDMA + LSD twice, and a few mushroom trips here and there.
This is what I have done under a year.

A part of me feels guilt for not taking more time integrating these realizations/experiences and true insights.
Because they are so big and gamechaning. Especially the last two LSD trips (God-Realization and realizing No Self)
Obviously these two are peak experiences. I am not there all the time. Allthough I do get buzzed in those states sometimes
during day to day life.

Am I fooling myself here? Have I done too much? Is this only the begining?
I have heard Leo saying in one of his vids that: "20x trips is the beginning. You havent really reached deep waters yet."


 

I mean, in regard to ‘getting rid of that feeling’, it’s really letting the believing of that thought story go. There’s no self or past the thoughts are about. 
 

[Vincent S]

31 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I mean, in regard to ‘getting rid of that feeling’, it’s really letting the believing of that thought story go. There’s no self or past the thoughts are about. 

??

[4201]

1 hour ago, Vincent S said:

But It all happened too quick. And a lot of the "hidden" programming at the subconscious level, wasnt really dealt with. Most of these changes was on the surface level of Consciousness. 

That there is "a hidden programming", a "subconscious" or "levels of consciousness" is all a paradigm you are thinking right now. If you took enough shrooms, or meditated for long enough, all of this thinking would be seen for what it is. Whether you want to see that on psychedelics, or develop your ability to see that right now while sober (which has much practical utility) is entirely up to you. In no way I'm advocating for taking more psychedelics instead of integration.

That "tripping too quickly" had negative effects is also another thought story. Anything that didn't happen because you didn't take the time to can literally happen now if that's what you want. Any integration that "didn't get done" can be done now. As I meditate, I still make sense of things that happened in my trips from 2 years ago. 

But if what you want is integration, why not just integrate instead of making a problem out of psychedelics? This whole idea that "you have guilt because you tripped too much" and that now you are forced to re-evaluate how you take psychedelics is just a big story your ego is making to avoid actually integrating right now.

Unless you are forced to trip on a specific schedule, I don't see how you can "lack time to integrate". What do you feel you want to do right now? Integrate, meditate? Do that. Later you feel like tripping? Do that. No need for guilt, no need to take any hard decisions on what you allow yourself to do and not do, just do what you want to do.

[Vincent S]

5 minutes ago, 4201 said:

That there is "a hidden programming", a "subconscious" or "levels of consciousness" is all a paradigm you are thinking right now. If you took enough shrooms, or meditated for long enough, all of this thinking would be seen for what it is. Whether you want to see that on psychedelics, or develop your ability to see that right now while sober (which has much practical utility) is entirely up to you. In no way I'm advocating for taking more psychedelics instead of integration.

That "tripping too quickly" had negative effects is also another thought story. Anything that didn't happen because you didn't take the time to can literally happen now if that's what you want. Any integration that "didn't get done" can be done now. As I meditate, I still make sense of things that happened in my trips from 2 years ago. 

But if what you want is integration, why not just integrate instead of making a problem out of psychedelics? This whole idea that "you have guilt because you tripped too much" and that now you are forced to re-evaluate how you take psychedelics is just a big story your ego is making to avoid actually integrating right now.

Unless you are forced to trip on a specific schedule, I don't see how you can "lack time to integrate". What do you feel you want to do right now? Integrate, meditate? Do that. Later you feel like tripping? Do that. No need for guilt, no need to take any hard decisions on what you allow yourself to do and not do, just do what you want to do.

Oh my God. Thank you so much! This is exactly what needed to be unraveled. Gratitude